


Rebirth

by SpiritQuartz



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:49:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 62,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5460335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritQuartz/pseuds/SpiritQuartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 5B finale. Life in Haven isn't so easy to walk away from for the people who live there. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.</p><p> </p><p>Special thanks to crockershaven for her ongoing assistance and support. She's a lifesaver.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paradise City

**Author's Note:**

> I'm one who was hugely disappointed by the 5B finale. There will obviously be spoilers, so please don't say you weren't warned. I don't own Haven. Obviously.

It took months for Mara to heal from the dispersal, and as she hitchhiked out of Mexico and through the U.S.A. she kicked her own ass unendlingly.

That she had knelt there in the dirt like a dog as her own mother, pretending to want to 'help' her had dispersed her- ripping her apart cell by cell in an agonizing process that left each charred molecule to travel through the air to her mother's old lab in Mexico, where she took six weeks to even learn to walk again- that was her own stupidity.

But Charlotte had done it for a reason, Mara was sure of it. To get her out of the way so she could do something worse. Something she knew Mara would stop.

As the trucker she was riding with passed into Maine, Mara pulled out her cheap cell phone, dialing the Haven P.D. with dread twisting her stomach. Her skin was still hugely oversensitive, and she was honestly a little worried it wasn't going to go away.

But on the plus side, she'd managed to find at least one open Thinny, so her duffle bag that was full of thrift store clothes and sketchbooks also had several pouches of Aether in it. Mara was taking a cue from the Boy Scouts- she was going in prepared this time.

"Haven Police Department, how may I direct your call?"

"Yeah, Audrey Parker, please."

The dispatcher's voice was edged in sadness, as she said, "I'm sorry, Detective Parker is no longer with us."

"What? Where'd she go? Don't tell me she got a better job offer."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but she passed on. She's dead. Is there anyone else who could help you?"

Someone had sucked all the air out of the truck. Mara sat up, pulling her feet off the dash as pain, both emotional and physical, ripped through her chest.

"Is Nathan alive?" The plea is barely a whisper.

"Oh sure, hon. Did you want to talk to him?"

"No, no. Is Dwight still the chief?"

"Yes he is, but he's on vacation with his daughter at the moment. Are you sure you don't want Nathan?"

She considered it briefly, but he wasn't the one to talk to. Not yet.

"Maybe in a second. Can you tell me why I'm not getting an answer at the  _Herald_?" Her heart was pounding, and she felt panic and dread filling her chest.

"Oh my. I'm sorry, but the Teagues' brothers passed on as well."

It was like a punch to the gut. Both of them gone?

"I just have two more questions, please. Is Charlotte Cross still in town?"

"No, I'm very sorry, she passed on as well."

 _Good_. She thought, though a spasm still shot through her heart.

"Okay, one more and I'll stop interrupting your day.  _Where is Duke Crocker?_ "

"Oh hon, I'm sorry, but Duke is gone."

The world spun and Mara choked on a sob, unable to speak as she shut the phone off.

"Hey, what's the matter, gorgeous?"

"Pull over, I need to be sick."

It didn't matter how pervy a trucker was or how hot he thought the girl was, when a man heard a woman was about to puke, they  _pulled the hell over._

She grabbed her bag on the way out of the truck, just in case her ride decided to leave her, and she jumped out, vomiting spectacularly on the side of the road. As she was sick, she was surprised to hear the engine stay idling, her ride staying with her. She finally stood, shaking madly as she climbed back into the truck, grabbing her water to rinse her mouth and shoving a stick of gum in her mouth, resting her head back as he started driving again.

"You okay, lady?" His voice was surprisingly gentle. Maybe he was a decent guy after all.

She thought about it. "No. Not really. I'm like the dinosaur on that weird adult kid's book- ' _All My Friends Are Dead_ '." She took a deep, shuddering breath and reached into her bag for a pain pill. They didn't help, not nearly enough, but she'd take what she could get.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Thank you, but no. I'm still trying to figure out what  _I_  can do. If you can get me as close to Haven as possible, it would be a big help."

"Sure sweetheart."

A brief memory, Duke sarcastically calling her 'sweetheart'. She closed her eyes against the tears and rested her head back, just waiting to get home.

He dropped her off a few blocks from Gloria's office, and Mara considered her options. If she could get the doctor to listen to her, her chances of success were a lot higher. With an exhausted sigh, she headed for Gloria's, hoping like hell she was in. Hoping she was  _alive_.

She bypassed reception, her duffle over her shoulder as she headed straight for the ME's office. She looked different enough that nobody would ask questions if they didn't look too close. Somehow the dispersal had reset her, making her look more like she had before the stupid Barn. Her hair fell in cinnamon ringlets to her hips and she was smaller- at least 4 inches and 20 pounds smaller than she had been, than Audrey was- because Audrey  _wasn't dead._  She couldn't be dead. Mara had failed so many people, she wasn't going to fail again.

She knocked on Gloria's office door, holding her breath until she heard that familiar voice. Thank goodness for small favors.

Her face was down, and Gloria didn't recognize her. "What can I do for you? You don't exactly look like you're in the right place. All you'll find here is dead people, kid."

"That's all I'm looking for," Mara replied, looking up with blue eyes, Audrey's eyes; "I'm looking for dead people, Gloria."

Gloria froze, squinting. "Who are you? I know your voice, but you can't be- you don't look like-"

"Mara. And don't worry. I'm not here to hurt anyone. I fell for one of Charlotte's lies, but I've been paying, Gloria. Every day I've been paying. I just want to bring Audrey back, and I have to find a way to bring Duke back."

Gloria melted, coming over with opened arms. Mara held a hand up, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I want to. I can't tell you how much I want a hug. Can I put my bag on this table?"

"Sure, kiddo."

Mara set the bag down and slowly, every movement stiff, she pulled off the soft cardigan she was wearing over her cotton tank top. She heard Gloria's shocked inhalation as the shiny, scarred burns were revealed.

"Dear god, how far do the burns go?"

"Everywhere but my hands, feet and face. I healed what I could when I was on my way here, but I think this is me from now on. My exterior finally matches my interior."

She twisted a little to lay the sweater down and Gloria reached for her chair in mute shock, sitting before she fell. "How far along are you?"

"26 weeks."

"Is it-"

"Duke's. Yeah." She bit her lip trying to control her breathing.

"Oh kitten, I'm so sorry." Gloria came and touched her hand. A tear rolled down Mara's cheek and she squeezed Gloria's hand, desperate for touch.

"I'm the one who's sorry. If I hadn't fallen for it and let my mother take me out of the picture, I could have prevented all of this. They're all dead because of me, Gloria." The tears flowed faster and she was gasping. "Vince and Dave, Duke and Audrey. It was all for nothing, Gloria. All for nothing! I can't. I can't. I have to fix this."

"Mara, honey, I wish there was a way. But I just can't fix dead."

Mara wiped her eyes, though the tears kept falling. "Did Audrey die, Gloria? Was her body killed or was she somehow overwritten? Please, I don't know who else to ask."

Gloria pulled a bottle of bourbon from under her desk, pouring herself a small drink. Mara stopped her as she was closing it. "Please? It won't hurt the baby. My placenta works better than a humans."

Nodding her understanding, Gloria grabbed a coffee cup and poured Mara a generous amount. They moved chairs so they could sit next to each other. Lip quivering, Mara said, "A toast. To the death of Charlotte Fucking Cross, and to our friends."

Gloria tapped her cup against Mara's and they both drank. Gloria took a deep breath.

"Audrey went into the Barn, So did Vince and your father. Audrey came back, but it's not her anymore. This one's name is Paige. A teacher, if I recall. She has a little baby boy. His name is James."

The first glimmer of hope stirred in Mara. She reached out to grab Gloria's hand, tense and urgent. "If she's back, if her body is back, then Audrey can be brought back. Just like I was, Gloria. Audrey is the original in that body now that we're split."

"Nathan's tried, sweetie. She doesn't seem to have any memory. They're spending a lot of time together, but she's still not Audrey."

"Nathan isn't me. Look how long it took me to break through, and most of that was because of William, and because I was already so unhappy. She's not a quitter."

"You think she can come back?"

I  _know_  she can. That's  _her body_. No fake personality is strong enough if she fights and she has help. But Gloria, why did she go into the Barn? Good god, why did they even  _build_  another Barn? It's not like they didn't know what it was for!"

"So the Void wouldn't take over this world. To stop the Troubles, to save Haven."

Mara closed her eyes and shook her head. Stupid, brave idiot. "They convinced her she had to. I have to bring her back. She has James? That's good. I blamed myself for his death for so long. I knew that if he'd just been born to Audrey instead of me- well, Sarah at the time, but to hell with the name, it was still me- he would have had a full life. A good life, full of love. But he needs to be  _Audrey's. She_  was the right mother. Not another fake."

"Honey, he didn't die because of you."

"But I didn't keep him alive. I failed him. Once Audrey is back- she  _will_  be, don't look at me like that- she'll be a good mom."

She wiped her face dry, the warmth of the bourbon spreading through her chest. Liquid courage. Yet her voice was still a whisper. "How did Duke die?"

Gloria covered her mouth with a shaking hand. "He was afraid. He didn't want Croatoan to use him, to use all the Troubles in him. He begged Nathan to kill him. Nathan did."

Mara's chest and shoulders shook as she fought a losing battle with the tears. "That goddamned Guard tattoo that he was so afraid of. Nathan only got it out of spite." She curled around her belly, hugging herself as she cried; hoarse, heartbroken sobs that tore through her body. "Poor Nathan. Oh god, poor Nathan. Duke must have been so afraid. I should have been here. I let her fool me, and they died because of it."

Gloria's arms twitched like her wanted to hold Mara, and Mara  _wanted_  to be held. But she couldn't. Not just because of the pain. No, Mara owned the pain, she knew she deserved it. She didn't deserve comforting arms, either, not until she fixed this.

Finally catching her breath, she wiped her eyes. "What's happening to the  _Gull_  and the  _Rouge_?"

"He left me the boat, Nathan got the  _Gull_."

"I'll buy it from you. Whatever you want for it. I won't haggle, just name the price."

"Mara, that's his baby. The boat is yours. I don't want it." She got up and dug Duke's keys out of her purse, along with an envelope. Gloria handed her both. "I don't know if you've got an ID set up yet, you can keep it in my name as long as you want. His car is there too, the title to both the car and boat are in the envelope. Keys are on the ring."

"I'm going to pay you back." She hugged the keys like she was somehow hugging Duke.

"Just have a healthy baby. I don't want your money. If anyone can bring Audrey back, I guess it's you."

Mara still couldn't smile- was unsure she'd ever smile again- as she replied, "And when I do, I'm going to kick her ass for going into that Barn."

Gloria held her cup up and they toasted again before Mara threw the drink back. "I'm going to go to the  _Rouge_  and try to set up a place to stay. Until he comes back for it." She wrote a number on a piece of paper and handed it to Gloria. "This is my phone number. Once I'm settled, I need to go find this new girl and see how far down Audrey is. But I will fix her. Don't doubt that."

Gloria stood next to Mara, running a hand over her hair. "I'm here for you when you need me, don't hesitate to ask for anything at all. I mean it."

Mara nodded, but paused for a moment. "Can you get stronger pain meds than I have? I can't see an actual doctor, and the only thing I could get my hands on was Vicodin. I don't think I have to tell you how useless it is for burns."

Gloria nodded. "That I  _can_  do. This place isn't all that careful with the drugs. You said the booze was okay, can you take Dilaudid?"

Mara nodded, shoving the sweater and envelope into her bag and Gloria left the office, coming back with a bottle of pills that Mara stuffed gratefully into her bag. "Thank you, Gloria."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I believe in you." Gloria was obviously losing the battle with her tears as she stroked Mara's hair again. "Find him. If I can help, you just say so."

"Once I settle in, I need to go looking for Paige. I have to bring Audrey back. Nathan will be tearing himself apart. If you hear anything important, call."

"I promise. It's going to be okay, Mara. Just think of the baby. You can do anything, right?"

Mara stopped with her hand on the door, looking back over her shoulder. "Except show up on time, Doc."

She took her bag and left without looking back.

* * *

She walked all the way to the docks, not bothering with the sweater. The cloth hurt as much as the sun and the breeze. This was her life now, like Nathan and Jordan, stuck in a body that hated her and refused to work correctly. Pain was her constant companion. At least she wasn't totally alone.

Her heart fluttered like hummingbird wings as she approached the  _Rouge_. Part of her kept expecting to see Duke there on the deck, reading the paper.

But the deck was empty, and Mara walked to the door, exhausted as she pulled out the key and unlocked the door, letting herself in. She relocked it, walking into the living room. Just the sight and smell of the ship make her chest ache. She made her way back to the bedroom, taking two dilaudid and carefully lying on the bed so she could cry in peace, surrounded with the smell of the man she loved. She removed her tank top and slipped on a looser silk chemise, trying to give her body a little chance to breathe after the long weeks of travel.

Surrounded by Duke's things, the smell of him, it made her feel better, almost safe and normal. Here in the quiet, the scars didn't matter. The pain didn't matter. She was at home, her child as close to their father as they'd been since before she'd found she was pregnant. She lay sprawled across his bed, closing her eyes as she laid a hand on her belly, feeling the rapid movements that felt more like an octopus than a person.

Here she could pretend that everything hadn't gone completely off the rails. She had gotten to Haven, and sure they were surprised to see her- they didn't know she was alive. Maybe they were a little disturbed by her appearance- they'd love that Nathan could tell her from Audrey. In her fantasies, they'd realized that Charlotte was the enemy and that Mara had just been trying to help, even though she wasn't as sweet and understandable as Audrey. They'd be happy to see her.

Duke would have been stunned by her pregnancy, but the secret inner baby-lover in him would be excited. Maybe he'd even want to try dating her. It didn't matter, he would be here for her to look at and love even if she couldn't touch him.

None of that had happened. They had the nerve to tell her Audrey was dead- the personality who won, who they all loved better than the original, who had fought and clawed her way around Mara, making herself free and whole in the process- had been overwritten. That alone made everything, absolutely  _everything_  pointless. The whole idea was that Audrey had earned her freedom from Mara, had made her own body and life- she was free of the Barn and the personalities.

So hearing that she was overwritten when Mara was actually looking forward to seeing her and getting to know her as her own person... it had been worse thinking she was actually dead, but still, Mara wondered what she'd have to do to get Audrey back. Would Nathan want to help her, or could be possibly be okay accepting Paige as a substitute? No. No way. Nathan had learned enough from his time with Sarah- with  _Mara_ \- to know they weren't interchangeable. He had to know that Audrey was trapped in there, begging for help.

The question was, did they- or just Nathan, she supposed, with all their friends gone- did  _Nathan_  know that Charlotte was the real monster here? Would he want to see Mara, would he trust her to get Audrey back?

She wasn't ready to contact him to find out.

She rolled slowly to her side, tucking one pillow under her head and hugging the other to her chest, and she tried to make a plan as she cried.

After resting for an hour, she redressed in the softest cotton pants and tank top she owned, a thin cotton cardigan over that. She'd gotten enough stares and uncomfortable encounters over the last few thousand miles. She hid as much skin as possible without causing herself too much extra pain, but she still wished she could leave her arms bare. Even soft cloth was miserable. At least she'd been able to heal her face.

She brushed out her long hair, leaving it glimmering in soft curls down her back. She put her cell phone, pills, one of the pouches of orbs and her keys in her pocket, locking up behind her. She got into Duke's Land Rover, feeling oddly like she was stealing or taking his car joyriding. She was going to go look for Paige, intent on finding out how deep Audrey was and how much work it would take to excavate her.

Mara parked in front of the  _Herald_ , taking a minute to look at the empty building and remember the fights and laughter and tears. She never got to say goodbye.

With a deep sigh, she turned and started stroll down the sidewalk, peering into businesses as she went. Where would she go if she were Audrey? Especially with a kid and a brand new identity?

Sudden inspiration struck and she headed for the coffee shop, figuring even if she didn't find her there, she'd be sure to overhear some gossip. She opened the door and her eyes flicked directly to the woman leaning over a book, a baby in a stroller next to her as she sipped coffee.

Mara walked slowly to the table, missing Audrey's golden hair.

"Is this seat taken?" Mara asked politely.

The girl put her book down, a friendly smile on her face. "No, please sit. I just needed to get out for awhile. I don't know many people here yet. I'm Paige, it's nice to meet you-"

Mara eyed her carefully, looking for any trace of how far buried Audrey was. The personalities never died, she knew that. Assimilated, but never died. She carefully reached across, taking the familiar hand in her own and shaking gently. The second real contact she'd had with another person in months- her mother had been the last one to touch her before Mara's body became this agonizing prison. As she shook the offered hand, her sleeve slid up, revealing the ugly, ridged burn scars. Mara wondered if Paige would notice. Audrey would have, "I'm Mara. Nice to meet you. You need a refill on your coffee?"

Her familiar eyes widened in shock. "Are you alright? I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but how did you get hurt? Oh, and sure, more coffee would be nice. I kind of hit my afternoon slump about now, and my son's going through a phase where he'll only nap in the stroller. Thank you so much."

Mara nodded, going to grab Paige more coffee, exactly the way she liked it and brought it back to the table, setting it down before she took the seat across from her. "Work-related accident. Got doused in acid. Most of my body is like this. I'm getting used to it. You been in town long?"

Paige looked stunned. "Work-related accident? What do you do for a living? I can't imagine having to go to work afraid of something like that. I've only been here a couple of weeks. Still looking for a job."

"I used to be in private security." Mara slowly eased her soft cardigan off, revealing the shiny red burn scars that covered her arms and shoulders. "Everything but my hands, feet and face. I'm adjusting. How old is your son? He's cute."

Paige went pale, but kept her expression friendly. "Private security? Did someone you were protecting get attacked or was it an accident? I mean, if I'm being too nosy, it's fine to say so." She smiled lovingly at the baby napping in the stroller. "He's almost 7 months; between teething and colic, he doesn't get much sleep. So of course, neither do I."

Mara laughed softly. "I was attacked so they could get to the people I was guarding. I lost almost everyone." She blinked and a couple of tears seeped out. She wiped her eyes quickly. "I'm pregnant. About 26 weeks. What do you do for a living?" She couldn't believe after everything that she found herself in William's position, trying to bring up another personality. But if they were going to disperse her and send her away, desecrate her body like this, then she had to at least save Audrey or it was all for nothing. And she would save Duke no matter what. She wouldn't live in a world without him.

Paige nodded, looking sad for her. "So, 26 weeks- do you know what you're having?"

"No, I don't know what I'm having. I wanted the father with me when I found out. I may just be surprised. I'm just lucky the baby survived the attack. I've been away from home for awhile. Not many... friendly faces left." She swallowed hard, reaching into her pocket to take a pain pill dry. She didn't have the cash on hand for a drink. She still had to find her money.

Paige nodded seriously. "It's hard being the new girl in such a small community."

Mara nodded. "I know the feeling. I've been on my own awhile, it would be nice to have a friend again. Hey, do you happen to know a cop in town named Nathan?"

"I do, he's actually one of the first people I met. He helped me with my car when I came into down. He's really nice." She looked so much like Audrey for a moment that it was hard to breathe.

Mara's heart twisted. She wanted to reach out and shake her, to drag Audrey back kicking and screaming if she had to. "I used to know him once. I was in love with his best friend Duke. He ever mention Duke to you?" She wiped at her eyes again, looking at the baby.

"Not to me, but I've seen a few pictures and heard him mention that name to other people."

Mara bit her lip, wiping continuously at her eyes. "He's my baby's father. Duke, I mean. I haven't told Nathan I'm here, so I'd appreciate it if you don't mention it. I want to try and... I don't know. Fix everything that broke after I got hurt."

Paige reached into her diaper bag, handing Mara a tissue, murmuring, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Mara silently promised Audrey she would bring her back. "You look so much like my sister Audrey. Do they ever mention her? Audrey Parker?"

Paige looked serious. "I've heard a lot about her, from Nathan and everyone else. I saw a picture and thought she looked a lot like me. It seems like she and your Duke were- close friends?"

"They were. He loved her completely." Mara tried to laugh, but it was half a sob, and she wiped her face as the tears rolled down her cheeks again. She thought about what she'd talked to Gloria about. All of this was her fault. She had to make it right, and she had so little time. But now the tears had her and they didn't seem to want to let go. "Sorry, sorry." She gasped. "You must think I'm insane. I just... I lost her and Duke, and it was my fault. It was all my fault and I want to fix it. I want to fix it so bad my insides burn worse than my skin."

Paige reached out to touch Mara's hand. "I'm so sorry, please don't be sad. Did you say she was your sister?

"Yes, she was my sister. I was older, but she was better than me in every way. If I hadn't gotten stupid, if I hadn't trusted the wrong person, she'd still be here. So would Duke. Maybe I should talk to Nathan. Maybe he doesn't hate me as much as I hate myself."

The baby in the stroller awoke with a loud wail, and Paige looked exhausted as she reached to pick him up.

Mara wiped her eyes, staring at the baby. "You said he's teething? Could... could I hold him?" She was eager to know if he would recognize her. She was starting to feel desperate to talk to Nathan. Maybe he would help her.

Paige looked surprised, but gave a friendly smile. "Sure, of course. He's having a hard time between his teeth and his tummy."

Mara held him close, ignoring the pain. When his little hand touched the burned skin on her arm though, flesh to flesh, it didn't hurt. She slowly, carefully pushed bits of her own Aether into him, relieving his pain.

Paige smiled at her. "He's my storm baby. I got stuck during a freak storm, ended up having him at home by myself."

"My first was born at home during a flood. It was terrifying, but later I was glad it was just him and me." She bounced James a little, beeping his nose the way that used to make him smile before she had to give him up.

James giggled when she beeped his nose and Paige grinned Audrey's grin. "You're good with him. It's nice to see him smiling instead of crying."

"Just old habit. It's nice to meet you. I'll give you my phone number. You can call me whenever. I don't really sleep, so if he wakes you up in the night and you want to talk, I'll be here." She programmed her number into Paige's phone and handed it back, beeping James's nose once more just to hear him laugh before handing him back to Paige.

"Thank you for that, I don't always get much sleep, and I have strange dreams here sometimes, when they get super realistic I don't sleep all night,"

Mara stood, afraid she'd start crying again if she stayed. "Like I said, call anytime. I don't have any friends here anymore. It would be nice to talk to someone. I've got to head back, my first day back, I'd like to get home before dark. Maybe we can talk soon?"

Paige nodded happily. "I would love that. I'll call you tomorrow. It was nice meeting you, Mara."

"It's great seeing you." Mara said sincerely, already considering how to break Audrey free. She beeped James's nose with a sad smile, holding her sweater in one hand, keys in the other. "Call me anytime." She backed up a few steps before turning to hear for the car, climbing in and driving quickly back to the docks.

* * *

She was in, door locked and changed back into the soft, open chemise before the tears caught up to her and she lay on Duke's bed, holding a pillow and facing the door as she felt her heart break all over again. Some small part of her had unrealistically hoped that just seeing Mara would drag Audrey back up. The disappointment was bitter and made her chest ache.

She was still curled on the bed with her face pressed into Duke's pillow when she heard the unmistakable sound of someone moving at the front door. Gloria hadn't called and nobody else knew she was here. Fear instinct roared to life and without even thinking, Mara had opened one of Duke's secret hidey holes, pulling out a gun and moving to the bedroom doorway, aiming at the front door.

She was terrified, and when the door opened- someone had used a key, just like her apparently- she froze when she saw the familiar shape, her heart thudding erratically. When he closed the door and turned around so she could see him, Mara desperately wished she could hug him.

"Nathan?"


	2. Connections

"Nathan?"

Mara lowered the gun slowly, looking hesitantly at the familiar, beloved face that she'd missed so much. The closest tie she had to Duke.

But the chances that he'd be interested in anything she had to say, that he would even be willing to listen, were astronomical. He'd probably be afraid she was there to send Paige away.

To be fair, she was. But only to bring Audrey back.

He looked stunned and confused, and Mara suddenly remembered how different she looked. To her, she still was noticeably herself, but he was used to her looking exactly like Audrey, enough to fool him without having to try.

"It's me, Mara. I'm sorry, I got permission to come here. But..." She gazed at him, imagining why he was there- because he missed Duke and wanted to feel close to him. The same reason she was there. Her heart broke for him. "You're welcome to stay. I understand, and I won't get in the w-"

She didn't have time to back up or warn him or _anything_. His long legs had carried him over to her and he grabbed her up in his arms, holding onto her tightly as he buried his face in her hair.

Oh right. The boat might be the only tangible tie he had to Duke, but _Mara_ was the closest tie he had to Audrey right now. She understood he was dating Paige, but he couldn't just hug her or cry on her. He had no space to grieve for Audrey when he was trying to make Paige comfortable. He was in a terrible position.

She carefully hugged him back, keeping her gun pointed away from him as she felt his tears slide down her skin; it was like they called to her own, until her hand was fisted in the back of his shirt and she was sobbing hysterically. They could have stayed like that for hours, just crying in each other's arms, but the baby chose that moment to kick, hard, right where Nathan was pressed tight against her.

He jerked back, the movement against her skin making her yelp and bend double, curling in on herself. Her vision went dark for a moment before she pulled herself together and managed to put the gun down. Nathan froze, staring at her. He took in the scars that appeared to be covering every inch of her skin except her face, her gaunt, haggard appearance and finally the large mound that used to be a flat stomach, and he took her hands in his carefully.

"Jesus Mara, what happened to you? How did you get hurt, are you in pain? How long have you been here? Why didn't you call?"

She took a second to catch her breath, then led him to the couch, pressing him to sit down before she eased down next to him.

"It's okay Nathan. Calm down, I'll answer whatever you need to ask. Oh hell, I should have thought to get it before I sat down, can you wait here for a second?" When he nodded, she stood slowly and went to the bedroom, grabbing the bottle of pills and a few of her sketchbooks, stopping in the kitchen to get a bottle of water for each of them- the only thing in the fridge she didn't need to throw away, container and all.

She sat gingerly next to Nathan, sliding to rest against the back of the couch. She shook out two pills, tossing them back with her water and putting both bottles down.

"So, you asked a bunch of questions. First, please understand that I'm not here to hurt anyone. I didn't contact you earlier for a lot of reasons. I only got here late this morning. I called the department and Laverne said... she said that Vince and Dave were dead. That Audrey was dead, that Duke was dead. I was so scared and so damned angry. I had so many questions but I was sure you would want me to leave you alone, that you wouldn't be willing to listen to me.

"So I decided to wait to talk to you. I'm so angry about Audrey. It was all for nothing if they leave Audrey stuck under the fake personalities like they did me. Even if someone intended to let Paige stay, she's _not Audrey_ and it makes me so angry. Why should she be punished? And it _is punishment_. She fought so hard to get her own body, and she's the original in that body just like I was and am in this body. She deserves to be herself!

"Why should _you_ be punished? Sure, you get James, but you're supposed to woo her all over again, and she's still not the woman you fell in love with, she isn't your partner. Why should you have to carry the memories alone, how could they make her forget Duke when he loved her so much? She deserves to have her own mind and memories. Duke deserves to be remembered! You all deserve better. I don't care what happens to me, but I'm tired of seeing you all hurt!"

She was getting worked up again, and she hoped the dilaudid kicked in before she scared Nathan off.

"I'm going to bring her back, Nathan. Paige is a nice girl, I'm not saying anything bad about her. But hearing about her, it was almost as bad as hearing that Duke... that he..."

Nathan put his hand over hers and she stopped talking, wiping at her eyes.

"You think you can bring her back?"

"I _know_ I can. William pulled me up. There's no real difference in how it works, except there's only one, short term personality to push through. I already checked her out and talked to her, I know I can do it. I won't lose anyone else. I won't let you lose her."

She raised her head to look at Nathan defiantly. "I'm bringing Duke back. This whole situation was wrong, and no matter what anyone thinks, it happened because my _mother_ was screwing around with you guys again. If I had been here, if I had pushed myself, just been _faster_ then I could have saved them, Nathan. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

The tears were falling down her face again, but her voice was strong, and he pitied anyone who got in her way. "I will not let them keep Audrey locked up and mute in that body that _she earned_ , the body that Duke gave her. I won't dishonor either of them that way. And my child will have a living father."

Nathan closed his eyes, his breath rasping as he spoke. "I can't believe you're pregnant. I'm glad. So glad. Do you know what you're having yet? How far are you?"

"I'm 26 weeks. Technically, I'm almost full term by my people's standards, but I don't know what the difference in Duke's genes will mean for the baby. I could go tomorrow or it could be 40 weeks like regular humans. I don't know what I'm having. I refuse to even scan myself, not without him here to see. He's always wanted kids, I won't leave him out of anything.

"That's why I'm going to find a way to bring him back before the birth. I don't think I could do it alone, even if I wanted to. I'm not in great condition. But I want him here. I've been traveling nonstop for weeks and weeks, just trying to get home, and I was too late. It's my responsibility to fix it."

Nathan looked so sad, but he quietly asked, "How did you get hurt, Mara? How did your body change?"

She put a hand to her belly where the baby was rolling, once again feeling like an octopus. It felt like she was getting jabbed in both sides of her ribs, her bladder, back, kidney and side all at once.

"That's kind of a silver lining story, I guess. When my mother had us on the ground, the whole rejoining bit? Neither of you were there to see, but she jabbed me with a hypodermic. Not sure what was in it, maybe a tranquilizer to make me more compliant or a paralytic to keep me still. Anyway, she never tried to combine us. She dispersed me. Lots of scientific jargon, but it basically rips you apart cell by cell and sends you floating away. In my case, to my mother's old lab in Mexico. One of the side effects is that it damages living tissue.

"When I woke up in Mexico, I was burned everywhere, burned black. The little skin I had left was actually charred, black and dead where the soft tissue wasn't blistered and peeling. A human would have died. I might have died, had it not been for the baby. We're so completely designed to protect our offspring that he wouldn't let me die. I couldn't walk, and I was repulsive- worse than I am now by far. I managed to heal my face, hands and feet. I've tried, but I can't get the rest of me any better. This _is_ my body now. This ruined, untouchable husk. My exterior finally matches my interior.

"But when my body rebuilt itself, it used the original programming from my DNA, before Charlotte altered me in the Barn. So I got this agonizing, deformed shell, but at least it's mine."

Nathan looked green and horrified. "You're not repulsive, Mara. You're beautiful."

She managed a sweet, genuine smile. "Thank you. With enough clothes on, nobody can tell. For the most part, that's better, because making kids cry just walking by them... not good for your self-esteem. But the clothes- even the softest things I buy feel like razor wire. I sometimes wish I _could_ Trouble myself. Make myself numb like you were."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Mara really considered. "I'd like your blessing to work on Audrey. I can't imagine after everything that you're okay with losing her, your partner, and having her replaced with a teacher- we know how Audrey is talking to kids, come on. Even if she doesn't understand how badly Charlotte screwed everyone and she hates me, I want her back. I'll still do it if you say no, but I'd rather be working _with_ you."

He closed his eyes, looking older. "I like Paige. I do. I tried to kiss her a few days ago, and I touched her _hair_... my stomach hurt so bad I thought I'd be sick _. I wanted to kiss Audrey,_ not someone else in Audrey's body. Learned my lesson with that the first time. I want her back, Mara. I want Duke back, too. Just tell me what to do. "

"Is it okay if I ask- do you come here a lot at night?"

"It's okay, ask me anything. Yes, I come almost every night. I have trouble sleeping. I try, but the pictures just run together and then I'm awake the rest of the night, thinking about everything. I can't get his face out of my mind, and I know, I could _feel_ it when he saw the tattoo just before..." Nathan's voice caught on a sob and he scrubbed his hands over his face.

Mara's eyes flashed to the tattoo. She noticed for the first time that it looked damaged, like he'd been scrubbing at it with sandpaper. The image hurt her to look at, knowing how it had haunted Duke.

She tried very hard to keep her voice even and level as she said, "Nathan? May I please make that tattoo go away? I just- I never, ever want to see it on you again."

He held his arm out without hesitation, his eyes tormented. " _Please,"_ he begged, his voice hoarse, "do whatever you have to. I couldn't get it off, I tried. I haven't had time to find a laser place anywhere near here, and I just want it gone."

She laid her hand against the side of his face, trying to soothe him. "Hush, Nathan. I understand what you're saying and I know what you're feeling. Just relax and try to trust me. I'm going to make it all better." She wanted to hug him, to hold him and cry over him and just let him know that he wasn't alone. But she couldn't. So she did what she could.

She rolled her neck, moving one arm to hold his still as she spread her hand over the awful tattoo, calling the Aether to take it back and destroy it. Her breath came faster and he looked nervous, but held still. He was _trusting her_.

She pushed harder, finally exhaling and removing her hand to show the clean, undamaged skin of his arm. His shoulders sagged in relief and he reached out to hug her, checking his action just before he made contact and dropping his arms with a frown.

Mara moved forward, pressing her hands to his upper arms and squeezing as she pressed her cheek against his. The closest thing she could manage. She closed her eyes as she pressed against Nathan, grateful she at least had her hands and face. "It's going to be okay, Nathan. You should stay here tonight. I've got a plan, but I don't know if Paige will feel comfortable coming out to the docks this late. I don't want her coming in already scared."

Nathan kissed her cheek, nodding and wiping his eyes. "So what's your plan? I mean- I remember what William did to get you out from under Audrey, and..." He trailed off, frowning. Oh, Mara knew that look. He would break whatever codes or rules or laws existed to free Audrey, but he'd still feel guilty about them.

Mara actually laughed for a single breath. "I can actually see what you're thinking, Nathan. I don't know if you've gotten more transparent or I got better at reading you. Don't worry. We won't have to Trouble anyone. William doesn't really think things through. He was so set on making us find the answer ourselves, to trick Audrey into setting me free. He could have done things much easier, but he was like Vince and Dave."

Mara froze, remembering in a flash. Her face crumbled and the tears rose in her eyes. "Sorry. I got so used to them being here. I thought they'd live forever, I think. They were such a huge part of my life." She wiped her eyes and stretched her neck before the tears could fall. "What I mean to say is, to me, Paige is more disposable than Lexie was. I don't have to finesse around Paige to get to Audrey."

Nathan patted her hand in understanding. "So why did William make it so hard?"

Mara leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she folded her hands. "William was never as gifted as me, and I'm not trying to be insulting. People are born with certain gifts, and those gifts come in different strengths. Mental gifts like telepathy and precognition are the most common. The ability to manipulate natural elements is the least common. I fall into that category, so does William. It's why we can use Aether, because it's natural.

"William, if we wanted to discuss the math, is about 14% Aether. It's part of him, but a small part. He can adjust Troubles but not give them. Me, I'm about 80% the last time my mother was able to test me. More Aether than person. That means the body I shared with Audrey was 80%. William wouldn't use Aether to bring me up because he couldn't control the amount necessary. So he played his games, because he couldn't think of another answer. Audrey wouldn't listen to him. Not that I blame her, he was acting dumb. I was getting irritated with him myself, and it was me he was trying to help."

She sat up straight again, gently pulling the chemise away where it clung to her skin.

"Basically, what I'm saying is that I _am_ strong enough to affect her directly. So we get her here, with you and me, and I use the Aether to free Audrey, to let her take her body back. She'll assimilate Paige just like I assimilated all those other personalities."

Nathan nodded thoughtfully. "What will happen to James?"

Mara swallowed hard. "Nothing. He'll stay just as he is, he's fine. You and Audrey can raise him together."

He gazed at her curiously. "Is he the same as he was, from before? I mean- genetically?"

Her shoulders sagged and she seemed to shrink, she was so incredibly _sad_ that Nathan just stared, wanting to fix what was troubling her.

"Not exactly, Nathan. The original James was yours and mine. This James, he's still yours, but biologically he's Audrey's. He has no connection to me." Her voice was gentle, but still flat and dead in tone. It seemed more painful than the tears, which at least seemed to be healing.

"Mara... I don't understand. Why?"

"My only guess is punishment. For both of us in our own way, but this one more for me. I've been trying to figure it out, and all I can think is that my mother knew the dispersal wouldn't kill me, or she knew it was a possibility that I'd live, and she made contingency plans. She set up the dominoes so even if she died and I lived, I'd lose everything. Audrey overwritten, Vince gone, Dave and Duke dead. Anyone who ever cared about me, anyone I loved ripped away. Making James Audrey's son took away the only link I had to you. She wanted me to be alone."

She couldn't look at him, didn't want to see the pity or revulsion in his eyes. She didn't move when he touched her hand.

"James isn't your only link to me. I know you're sad and scared, but you're not alone. Hell, Mara, I feel the same way. I don't have any idea what to do anymore. I'm trying to respect Audrey's choice to go into the Barn, but now she's back, but not herself. I miss her. I miss Duke. I'm lonely." He scrubbed his face with his hands, pushing them back up through his hair. He laughed a little.

"When I saw you standing there, when you said it was you, I thought, 'Finally, finally someone will understand.' and I just needed a hug. Doesn't matter that I can feel again if the people I want to feel are gone. The days don't get easier, either. They just get harder and harder."

Mara chanced a glance up at him. There was no judgement or sign of untruth in his eyes. "Yeah, I understand. You know, Paige let me hold James. Through clothes, it hurts just like anything else, but when he touched my skin, there was no pain at all." She traced a finger over the spot on her arms where James had touched her, not even letting her own finger make contact.

"Why do you think that is?" Nathan asked.

"I can only guess. But again, I think of my mother and I think it's punishment. Take him away from me and make him someone else's, but make him the only one who can touch me. So I would always yearn to hug him or hold him, but would never be able to. That's what I think."

Nathan looked sick and horrified, but it didn't look like mindless pity. It looked like maybe he finally understood the depth of Charlotte's perversity.

"We'll make it better, Mara. When Audrey is back, we'll all talk. You should be a part of his life."

She shrugged, uncomfortable. "We should get some sleep. Where do you normally sleep when you stay here?"

Nathan blushed. "In Duke's bed. I can take the couch, though."

Mara shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You can feel again. If you sleep on the couch you'll be begging for your Trouble back by morning. I don't move when I sleep, we can share the bed. There's nothing to be anxious about, I'm the size of water buffalo and I can't be touched. We're both here because we want to be close to Duke. We can be adults."

Nathan nodded, but he was blushing. Mara reached out to take another pill, grabbing up her things to take back to the bedroom. Nathan followed.

"Hey, how'd you end up on the _Rouge_ anyway?"

She looked up at him from where she was stuffing things back into her bag. "First person I went to when I got here was Gloria. She told me that Duke had left her the boat, and I offered to buy it. She said that because this is Duke's baby, the boat and car should go to me. Gave me the keys and deed, but said I could keep it in her name if I needed to. I didn't want to go anywhere else."

She pulled out a small toiletry bag and some clothes, but stopped to look in Duke's closet, running her hands over everything until she found the softest, thinnest, most-worn shirt she could. Taking it from the hanger, she said, "I have to shower. Been on the road for weeks. Make yourself comfortable."

Walking into the bathroom, Mara shook her head. How very strange that after all the years and pain between them, after their child had been brought back but given to another mother, that she would finally be in a position to sleep next to Nathan.

It was funnier still that she was so completely in love with someone else. The universe had a truly twisted sense of humor. But it would be nice to sleep in a bed, and nice to be next to someone who understood her pain. Tomorrow she'd bring Audrey back, but tonight maybe her presence would soothe Nathan.

That's what Duke would want.


	3. Pity the Child

Closing herself in the bathroom, Mara began the tedious process of bathing in the new age.

It was amazing what the able-bodied took for granted. She had to turn the water to the perfect temperature, turn the shower head to the least powerful setting. Just taking her clothes off was a process. She could try to save herself pain and move slowly, or she could suck it up and get it over with, like ripping off a band-aid. This time, she just ripped off the band-aid, taking the clothes off as quickly as she could move, forcing herself not to shout.

It would only get worse.

Directing the spray away from her, she stepped into the stall, gritting her teeth as she moved the water to flow over her. Even at the proper temperature, the shock of the water even touching that raw, damaged skin that seemed to be nothing but exposed nerve endings made her yelp before she was under control.

She washed herself quickly but as carefully as she could, using Duke's soap and shampoo and conditioner, letting the smell of Duke float around her and bolster her strength. He wouldn't expect her to scream or cry over something as silly as water. He'd expect a smirk, a clenched jaw and no real complaints. Maybe a joke about the amount of hair products he had. He really did have rather a lot.

If she wasn't strong enough to bathe, she wasn't strong enough to save Duke and Audrey. And damn it, she absolutely had to be strong enough. She was all they had. Even if they didn't know it, they were depending on her. Fully rinsed, she shut the water off, the chill of the air outside causing gooseflesh that felt like glass shards on her body. She held in the shout, but groaned loudly, patting at her body with a soft towel.

William had laughingly told her once that she was all hard, sharp edges, that there was nothing soft about her, considering how feminine she was. He had called her an oxymoron. Almost humorous that now so much of her life focused on _soft_. She wondered what William would think of that.

She brushed her teeth, staring dispassionately at her body in the mirror. Pleasing size and shape. Pretty face. If not for the demented patchwork of burns on her skin, she'd be quite lovely.

But that was a body-sized _if_.

She left her toothbrush next to Duke's, drying her hair with a towel. When she'd thought she'd be alone for the night, she'd planned on just staying nude. She hadn't had that luxury when she was hitchhiking 24 hours a day.

But Nathan was scared and alone. Nathan was _hurting_. Duke wouldn't turn him away. He never turned him away. So if a little discomfort was the price to pay to let the man sleep in peace? She would pay it with a smile.

Because that's what Duke would have done.

She stepped into the silky panties and pulled Duke's shirt over her head, adjusting the seam so it rested on a better spot. So many, many things people didn't think of. She combed her hair as quickly as possible and left the bathroom, going back to the bedroom to put her things away and taking two more pills. Nathan was already in the bed, and the poor man was blushing. The shirt fell almost to her knees, easily longer than some of Lexie's skirts. His modesty was almost cute.

She pulled the blankets back and climbed into her own side, turning off the lamp and setting a single orb like a candle to float around the room. She settled back carefully, pulling the blankets to lay over her. She lay very still, not wanting to move.

"How do you feel, Nathan?"

"Huh?"

"How do you feel? Are you okay, what are you thinking- you know. Everything."

"I was just thinking."

"Wanna share with the class?"

"I was an idiot. About everything."

"No, Nathan, she fooled everyone. Even me, and I knew her."

"I don't even mean Charlotte. Though there's that, too."

"Let's not say her name, huh? Not here. This place shouldn't be tainted. But what _do_ you mean?"

"Sorry, I'll remember that. What I meant was you and Duke, really. I was so set on seeing the worst in you because you scared me."

"I know I did, and I'm not mad. I pushed you away because I was hurt. I was scared. I couldn't- logically, I knew that I was a stranger to you, but I'd been here the whole time, knowing you all and loving you, and I thought when I got control that you'd want to know me, to help me. My expectations weren't fair and I know that, but my heart and brain don't connect any more than yours. You were thinking like humans, looking for simple answers. Make Mara go away, get Audrey back. That's not your fault, it's your nature."

"Can I ask a question?"

"Anything. I'm tired of lies between everyone. A little trust on any of our parts would have changed everything. I won't lie."

"Duke tried to talk me into asking you if you could help Audrey when she got sick. He tried several times. If I had asked you, could you have healed her? Would you have?"

Mara considered the question carefully. "Yes, I could have. And I don't want you to feel bad about this, but I would have done it, too. I just wanted you to ask. Not even just to be petty- I knew if I just offered out of the blue, you wouldn't trust me. You'd have thought I was trying to hurt her. Like I said, a little trust on either of our parts would have changed a lot. Can I ask _you_ a question?"

"Sure. Anything."

"When I got control, if I had actually just sat still and talked to you, do you think you would have listened to me?"

He was quiet, really thinking about it, and that made her feel good. He was trying to be as honest with her as she was being with him. "I think I would have tried not to at first. I was afraid of losing Audrey, and if I listened to you, if I believed you or liked you, that would have made everything more complicated. But after actually talking to you today, I think I would have come around. I would still have tried to get Audrey back, but maybe working together we could have figured out how to get you each into separate bodies."

They were quiet for a minute, but she wasn't uncomfortable. It was strange, but they were both suffering and they were truly the only ones who understood each other. Nobody else knew or remembered things the way they did. Camaraderie borne of war, of having lost too much. It was the closest kind of bond, yet by far the worst. That they shared their terrors, it made them dependent on each other in a way that could easily turn unhealthy. Nathan finally broke the silence.

"You mentioned your outsides matching your insides. What did you mean?"

"Mm. I'm a damaged individual. All the fighting, all the punishment, the attempts to do good things that got twisted- it hurt. It was like washing my soul with bleach and steel wool. After awhile, that kind of emotional pain leaves scars. So now my body, it's scarred and ugly and painful- it matches what I feel internally. Deformed and hideous, afraid of the light. Lexie would say it's karma."

"You sound like you believe you deserve this."

"Because I do. I deserve it. But you and Audrey and... _Duke_... you don't deserve to suffer. It should just be me. This whole war started because of me. I'm angry that you guys are paying for it. But I'm going to fix that. As much as I can, anyway. I can't bring Vince or Dave back. But I won't let Audrey and Duke go. If the universe wants to punish me more for that, fine. But the Gods are gone, or they've turned their backs, so I'm not going to worry about their rules."

"But you don't deserve this. We had our issues, but most of them were caused by fear and lack of communication. You don't deserve to be hurting."

"That's kind of you to say. But she was my mother, Nathan, and she despised me so much that this entire town had to suffer the fallout. _You're_ suffering because she made it so we'd lose everyone I cared about- and you happened to care about the same people. Even with my mother gone, I'm still causing you pain."

"How long do you think it will take to fix Audrey?"

"I think we should start in the morning. My way should work immediately. There's only one, short term personality to break through. Our genetic ability matches, I have Aether and I'm going to use it to bring her up. One way or another, Audrey is coming home tomorrow."

His next question was a small, pained whisper. "And Duke?"

Mara moved her hand to her belly, feeling the dancing limbs. She wondered if the baby ever slept, it seemed that the motion was constant.

"I have to do more to get Duke. Send an orb to make sure his spirit is still nearby and where, and depending on that answer, either try to rebuild his body or go to where he is and get him."

She reached under her pillow, digging an orb from the pouch. She pleaded silently for it to find Duke and report back to her, reminding it repeatedly that time was of the essence. When she was sure it understood, she activated it and sent it off searching. She settled back into the pillows and tried to find the least painful position to lie in.

They were silent for so long that Mara actually started dozing a little. She was miles beyond surprised when Nathan's hand found hers, his fingers wrapping up with her own. He just stayed there like that, silently holding her hand. "Thank you" she whispered to him.

"Thank you, too. I was so lonely, I missed having someone to talk to. Thank you for coming back, for wanting to help and for listening."

"There's nowhere else I want to be. I just want Duke here, too."

"If I can help, please let me. I want to. I miss him too."

"I'll let you know if you can help. I promise."

"Thanks for letting me stay here. And for fixing the tattoo."

"It's what Duke would have done. I was happy to help."

"When you bring him back, I'm going to be a better friend. I'll never make the same mistakes again."

"I believe in you, Nathan. You're safe here."

As the silence deepend, Mara fell asleep, her hand still wound up with Nathan's.


	4. I Die Without You

Mara knew before she even opened her eyes that she was in a dream, though she hadn't dreamed much since being sent away from Haven. She didn't sleep enough.

The bright white light was blinding, and the music of the Void was deafening. Nothing new there. The giveaway was the lack of pain. She looked down at herself and she looked healthy, her belly barely showing in a white sundress. Definitely a dream, then.

She looked around intently, wondering why she was there. What could the Void have to tell her? Who was even there to speak anymore?

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" She called out repeatedly, but finally felt another presence, and her heart started racing. She knew immediately, she could feel the missing piece of her soul fill back up as he came closer.

He was hard to see, blurred and foggy like the rest of the Void, but she was giddy with relief, wanting to touch him. Even blurred by the Void and her tears, he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. His hair was tied back, and it looked longer, probably the longest she'd ever seen it. A few strands hung loose around his face. His clothes were all black, but the cut was impossible to make out.

"Duke," she breathed, "tell me how to find you. You weren't supposed to die, you can't be dead, we _need_ you. Help me find you!"

She could almost feel his fingers on her face and she closed her eyes, soaking in his presence.

"You know where I am. Trust yourself. I'll wait for you. I'm sorry about everything."

"No, Duke. Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong. Just be strong and wait for me. _I will come for you_. I swear it. I won't let you down again."

"I'm really glad to see you, Mara." He sounded tired, his voice quiet yet warm.

She had to laugh a little. "Give it time, it'll pass. Just wait, in no time I'll be making you crazy again. Just be patient and wait for me. I'm coming for you, I swear it."

"I can't stay, I can't make it last long. But I'll wait for you."

She could feel him drifting away and she panicked, racing after him, screaming. "Duke, wait! Wait! I didn't tell you I love you! Duke, please listen! Listen to me! _I love you!"_

There was no answer, and Mara broke down sobbing.

* * *

"Mara! Wake up, you're dreaming. Come on, Mara!"

As she woke, the pain hit her first- she wasn't sure if she'd been moving while she dreamed or the time without pain in the dream had just made her extra sensitive, but she was in agony, reaching blindly for the pills she had left on the nightstand, throwing them back urgently and swallowing them dry, then chasing them with water from her bottle.

She was still crying. Hoarse, wretched sobs tore through her throat and she had to really concentrate to bring herself under control. She shuddered and focused until the loud sobbing stopped, though a few tears leaked out, running into her hair.

What the hell had just happened?

She looked down at herself and noticed her palm was covered in black Aether. Her orb must have returned, going straight to her hand and dragging her into that dream. This was the best possible news- _Duke wasn't gone_. She could get him back. It was just a shocking way to find out, when she was expecting a simple report from an orb.

Nathan was frantic, gripping her other hand as he begged her to talk to him, hovering over her as he leaned on one elbow.

Squeezing Nathan's hand, Mara whispered, "I saw Duke."

"What do you mean? In your dream?" There was a frantic, desperate edge to his voice that made her want to cry for him. How long would it take Nathan to heal? How much help would he need?

"It wasn't a dream. At least, not completely. Look." She held her blackened hand up. "The orb came back while I was sleeping, it connected me long enough to talk to him for a few seconds. He's not lost, Nathan. I can get to him."

" _How?_ " Nathan's question was hushed and desperate, tears hidden behind the words.

She thought about it, heart still pounding in her ears. "I have to go into the Void."

"Why? Why would he be in the Void?"

"I don't know for sure. I've heard stories of spirits passing into the Void when they die, but I didn't think it happened to humans. Maybe, because he knew he was... because he knew what was happening, maybe he wanted to go there. Maybe he was trying to stay near you guys." She smiled a little. "Maybe he was sick of being used as a pawn and did the only thing he could to screw up the plots. I don't know how he did it, but he did."

"But you talked to him? What did he say?"

"That he was sorry, and that he was glad to see me- I told him he'd get over it after being back a few days. He said he would wait for me to come for him."

"How did he look?"

Mara's eyes slipped closed and she smiled. "Beautiful. Perfect. A little sad. But he looked healthy, Nathan."

"I killed him, Mara. He was begging, but I keep asking myself how I could have done it. I wonder why he didn't ask Dwight or Stan. Why did I do it?" He looked so tortured, like he was burning too, and Mara closed her eyes, squeezing his hand.

"If he had asked one of them, and they had tried to obey, you would have tried to stop them. You'd have killed them if you had to. You would never have let an outside force harm Duke, and I think he knew that. The only way to get the freedom he wanted was to ask you to do it." Her lip quivered and she had to bite it to make it stop. "He knew he could trust you, and he knew you loved him too much to trust anyone else to free him. It's not your fault, Nathan. He asked you because he trusted you."

"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

She swallowed hard. "I know he will. There's nothing to forgive, you helped him and honored his wishes."

He turned his teary blue eyes on her. "Can _you_ ever forgive me?"

His pain hurt her more than her own. She took her hand from his and wrapped it around the back of his neck, pulling him down to rest his head on her chest, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Oh Nathan, of course. There's nothing to forgive. You honored his request. What choice did you have? I'm the one who needs to ask forgiveness. You'd have never been in that position if I had been here."

She held him as he cried, just letting him grieve. No faking a happy face to make _NotAudrey_ happy. He deserved to feel and acknowledge his pain and grief, his guilt.

Nobody understood that better than Mara.

"Do you think he'll remember everything when he comes back? Will he remember dying?"

Her answer was interrupted by the ring of her phone, and she took it from the nightstand, curious. It was 3:33 am- who would be calling her?

"Hello?"

"Mara, I'm so sorry, I know it's late. I hope I didn't wake you but you said you didn't really sleep much and I'm just kind of overwhelmed."

Over Paige's semi-hysterical voice Mara heard James screaming and crying, and a part of her was so used to being a believer that she wondered if this was some sort of sign.

"No, I'm awake, it's okay. What's wrong and how can I help?" Noticing Nathan's curious gaze, she mouthed 'Paige' at him. He bit his lip, nodding, and she squeezed him in a half-hug. She didn't care about the pain- it's what Duke would have done.

"It's the teething and colic, I think, but James woke up just screaming his head off and I can't calm him down. I'm just a little overwhelmed, I think."

Oh, it was hard not to think it was a sign now. James, who had spent so much time in the Void, waking when Duke made contact? She didn't know how to spin that any other way.

"Do you want to come over? I'm up anyway, and I know a few tricks. I'll make some tea, see if I can help. I was a nurse for awhile, I can check him out and make sure it's nothing for you to worry about."

"Are you sure? It's so late and you just met me and I don't want to cause any trouble." Her voice- oh, Mara remembered that note of hysteria, the one you only got when your child was screaming and you couldn't fix it. James had been a colicky newborn, and in the few weeks she'd had him, she'd had a few nights like that.

"I'm positive. Come over. Do you know your way around the docks? I live on the _Cape Rouge_ , slip 13."

"I've driven by the docks before, I'm sure I can find it."

"I'll set a blue light up outside so you know when you get the right place. Everything will be fine." Nathan carefully took his head off of her chest and she met his eyes. "I'm sure you'll feel like your old self in no time."

She hung up, amused by Nathan's wide-eyed, shocked stare. "Did you just make a joke about bringing Audrey back?"

"Very good, detective." She grit her teeth and pushed herself up, pulling some cotton boxer shorts from her bag. They were printed with pirate flags, and she had bought them because they reminded her of Duke. Her legs would show, but Paige and Nathan already knew about her, there was no sense making herself more uncomfortable when she didn't _have_ to hide.

She brushed out her hair and grabbed an orb, stepping out to set it alight on the most visible spot on the deck before she went in to start the tea kettle. Nathan followed her, looking both fascinated and lost.

"What can I do?"

"In my bag, if you would grab one of the little cloth pouches and the three sketch books, I'd appreciate it."

She turned the heat up a bit after putting the kettle on, stretching as the pain medication spread warmth through her chest. It didn't even really numb the pain much- nothing did- but it made her not care so much. She considered the utter absurdity of the situation- Duke stuck in the Void, her making herself at home on Duke's boat, carrying his child as Nathan slept next to her in bed, with Audrey buried beneath a fake personality, caring for James on her own.

It was worse than that body-swapping Trouble. They'd all switched roles and nobody knew what was happening. But Mara was sick of letting her mother or the Gods or the universe make choices about her life. They hadn't played fair, they had hurt everyone she loved.

She was taking the game back, and the universe could play by _her_ rules. If they didn't like it, they shouldn't have made her so powerful.

Nathan returned with her things, and she took the pouch from him, asking him to set the books on the coffee table as she set up three cups of tea to steep.

"What are you going to do?" Nathan finally asked.

"I'm going to fix Audrey. I'm going to try and make a connection, get her close to the surface, and then I'm going to give her a kind of... spiritual shot of adrenaline. If I do it right, she should shatter the Paige personality completely."

"Will it hurt her?"

"No, Nathan. I feel the same way you do. Tired of people hurting. It won't hurt Audrey and the personality won't even know. I promise."

"I believe you."

Mara scooped the bags out of the tea cups, musing. "I was thinking how odd it is that we've all changed places. Duke stuck in the Void, me in a damaged body, pregnant and living on his boat, you sad and lonely and Audrey trapped under another personality, taking care of our- of _your_ son alone. Sounds like a Trouble or the beginning of a bad joke."

Nathan quirked a wry smile. "I hadn't thought about it like that, but you're right. Haven still can't manage to do 'normal'. The only constant in this place is it's unpredictability."

Their eyes met as they heard the knock, and Mara nodded reassuringly at Nathan as she went to answer the door, murmuring "Not the _only_ constant" as she passed him.

Paige looked frazzled, but it was the hair that made Mara want to grimace. She hated that single, blatant reminder that this wasn't Audrey. The long blonde tresses that she had mocked, that's what Mara missed. The baby in her arms was red and screaming.

"Come in, come in. I have tea steeping, it will be ready in just a minute. Can I take James for you, give you a little time to calm down?"

Paige smiled gratefully as she came in, handing the baby to Mara. The moment he settled in her arms, he stopped crying, his eyes studying hers. Paige looked stunned. "How did you do that?"

Mara shrugged. "Kids sense things. Maybe he just wanted to make sure someone was looking after you."

They came farther in and Paige tilted her head as she saw Nathan sitting in the living room. Her eyebrows knit together in surprised, hurt confusion. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No, no. Nothing like that, Paige. I called him because I miss Duke and I needed someone to talk to." The lie slid gracefully off her tongue, and Mara was glad she hadn't completely lost her edge. "I'm glad you called. Please, sit down."

Paige sat in the middle of the couch, and Mara sat next to her. "Nathan, would you please grab the tea?" He went to get the cups and Mara turned to Paige. "Has James been like this all night?"

"No. He went down just like normal. About half an hour before I called you, he woke up screaming, and nothing would calm him down. You must think I'm crazy." She watched James playing contentedly with Mara's hair, the picture of ease.

"Not at all. Every parent has had times like that."

"Oh, right. You were telling me about your first baby, that he was born in a storm just like James. Is he asleep?" She gazed around the boat, obviously expecting to see signs of a child.

Mara swallowed back the nausea and blinked away tears. "No. My son is gone. I lost him. I'm alone here." She refused to look at Nathan. Didn't want to see pity or remorse. It might hurt, might tear her up inside, but at least now he had a chance at a life.

His little hands patted her scarred arms, and through his guileless eyes, she could almost see something pretty. The rough, raised skin formed whorls and patterns that looked like galaxies and flowers. James was fascinated, and since his touch didn't hurt her, she could distance herself and try to see what he saw.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I keep doing this, sticking my foot in my mouth. What ha- I mean, do you want to talk about it?"

"Same thing that happened to everyone else. I failed him."

Nathan sat forward, one hand out toward her. "Mara, no."

"Yes, Nathan. You should know that better than anyone. But that's not the issue right now. Paige, I was actually going to call you in the morning, but I'm glad you're here. I want to show you something. Take that green notebook, check it out."

Curious, Paige picked up the book, opening the first page. A photo-realistic drawing of Nathan and Duke laughing together with Audrey over beer bottles.

Craning his head, Nathan actually came to sit on the couch so he could see. Paige scooted closer to Mara to make room.

"You drew this? That's amazing."

"I was on the road for weeks, had to have something to keep me busy. Turn the page."

Duke, leaning back in a chair with a mason jar in hand, chuckling despite himself. It hadn't been until she'd actually drawn the picture that Mara noticed the sparkle in his eye that looked like _love_. It had been a shock, a knife twisting in her heart when she realized that Duke had harbored feelings for her. Sitting in the back of a Honda next to a sullen teenage girl in New Mexico as she realized that in her desperation to make herself someone he could love, she had missed the love that already existed.

She had been so blind. She had so very much to make right. But she'd do it.

"That's Duke. My baby's father. Smartest man I've ever known, present company excluded." She smiled at Nathan and he smiled back as James poked and patted at the scars on Mara's arms.

The next page was Audrey, her hair down, expression serious. It was the look Mara remembered from right before she'd punched her, before the dispersal.

Paige's face paled and her hand hovered over the image like she wanted to touch it. "She looks so much like me. Do you think we could be related? I never knew my mom, she took off when I was a baby. I always wanted to know about my family."

Mara's voice was a strained whisper. "Audrey was raised in an orphanage. She never knew her family. She met me eventually, but things were... complicated. I wasn't a very good sister. I love her, though. Always did. It was me I had issues with. _Turn the page._ "

She watched Paige's face carefully. This picture was of Mara- the angry, reactive, dangerous Mara from right after the split. Paige jerked a little, her expression turning confused. Moving James to sit on one of her legs so she had a hand free, Mara surreptitiously took an orb from her pouch, focusing her Intent and cradling the orb as she waited for the exact right moment.

"This... isn't me. I mean, isn't _her_. This is..."

"Me." Mara's hand moved like lightning, crushing the orb and grabbing Paige's hand, her focus honed to laser precision. Her eyes shone bright violet and her voice reverberated with the music of the Void. " _Your name is Audrey Parker. Focus! Audrey Parker. Nathan Wuornos. Duke Crocker. Remember who you are!"_

She pushed with her mind, and as Paige's head snapped up, her eyes swirling between greyish-blue and the pure blue of Audrey, there was a bright light, several flashes like lightning and then the Maze shining between them.

As the light faded, Mara kept hold of the other woman's hand, holding her breath as her heart raced. "Now tell me- _What's your name?_ "


	5. Shadows Speak

Crystal blue eyes gazed into Mara's violet eyes. "Oh my god. Mara? What happened? How did you let me out? Oh god, how did I get- they overwrote me and sent me back? _Why?_ What was the point of going into the Barn?"

"Parker?" Nathan looked like he was barely hanging on, terrified and hopeful and sad and on edge.

"Nathan!" Audrey threw herself into his lap, kissing him with her arms tight around his neck.

Mara sighed in relief and leaned back carefully, stroking her fingers through James's hair. If she had to lose her son, Audrey was the person she was willing to lose him to. He would be safe and adored, he would have a full life with his mother and father. Audrey would have time to adjust and learn how to talk to children about things other than serial killers, and maybe, if Audrey could ever forgive her, Mara could be a part of their life.

James smiled at Mara, a beaming, drooly baby grin, and she smiled back happily. Her baby rolled in her belly, bumping James's leg, and his eyes went comically wide. "Ba?"

Mara giggled. _He was gifted_. "Yep, that's a baby. Look how smart you are already. You're going to keep your mommy and daddy on their toes, aren't you?" James grinned again at her compliment and adoring tone of voice, and she tickled his belly, making him laugh.

She didn't notice Audrey and Nathan staring at her for several minutes, and when she looked up, she blushed. "I- Sorry? I was just trying to keep him entertained for you. You- you can take him back if you don't want me holding him." Their silence made her stomach twist. Maybe Audrey still hated her. Mara sat straight again, the smile fading from her face. She glanced away from everyone. "I'm sorry, Audrey. I'm sorry I was cruel and petty and I'm sorry I was too late for everyone."

The lump in her throat was too big, and she stood quickly- _peeling off the band-aid-_ and passed James into Audrey's lap, Nathan's arms grabbing him securely as Mara turned and fled for the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

She sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Duke's pillow into her arms to cry into.

Of course Audrey hated her. She'd hated her before, and look what had happened since then- because she had gotten stupid, because she had been lazy and slow, taking the time to learn how to walk properly and hide her body, Audrey had gotten caged and they had lost Duke, Dave and Vince. Audrey _should_ hate Mara. Mara certainly hated herself.

She should have found a faster way back. She could have figured it out. Even without a ring, she could have found a wheelchair and rolled her ruined carcass through the Void. She had worried about the difference in Void-time, that it would make more time pass on this world than just traveling overland, but she'd been too late anyway. Had she really been hiding out because she was learning to walk, or was she just so damned vain that she couldn't handle the thought of being seen in public?

Had the people she loved been forced to watch Duke die because she was that narcissistic? Had Nathan been forced to kill his best friend, had he gone without sleep and suffered those nightmares because of her vanity?

She cried silently into the pillow, wishing Duke was here to explain everything for her. She finally had made peace with Nathan, even slept next to him, holding his hand. She wondered if Nathan would pull back from her now, with Audrey hating her.

There was a knock at the door- probably Nathan making sure he hadn't left anything behind- and Mara pulled away from the pillow long enough to croak, "It's open" before hiding her face again. A weight settled next to her, and then a hand stroked her hair. Not Nathan's long fingers. Audrey, then.

"Why did you run, Mara? You looked so happy, you were playing. What happened?"

She pulled the pillow from her face but kept her arms around it. "I saw you guys staring at me. Just staring. And I remembered that you hated me. That even though you were yourself again, it didn't negate the damage. That you never would have gone into the Barn in the first place, that Dave would be alive, that you wouldn't have had to see-" Her voice cut off, choking on Duke's name. "Because of my mother, and because I was stupid and slow."

"None of that is true, Mara."

"Why would I lie?"

"I didn't say you were lying. You can't see the situation clearly because you're too close. First off, you're not responsible for the things Charlotte did. I was here, I agreed to help rebuild the Barn and I went in willingly. That's not your fault. Duke chose too. He begged Nathan to kill him, Mara. He was tired of being a pawn and he didn't want to be used to hurt people. But can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask as many questions as you want. I told Nathan, I won't lie. I'm tired of lies. If any of us had been honest, so much would have been different for everyone."

"Obviously the story you told Paige was... creative truth-telling, and I understood most of it, but how did you really get hurt? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Mara was curious when she looked at Audrey. She honestly didn't appear to be angry or distrustful. Mara set the pillow back in it's spot. _No lies_.

"Yes, I'm in pain. When she said she was combining us, it was a lie. A smokescreen. She injected me with something, maybe a tranquilizer or paralytic, I don't know. But she dispersed me. Made my cells separate so I would be invisible as my body was pulled through the atmosphere to her lab in Mexico. The process isn't meant to be used on living things. It burns living flesh. Because I'm more Aether than person, and because of the baby, it didn't kill me. It burned all the living flesh. When I came to, my entire body was destroyed."

She held her hand palm up, creating a fully rendered 3-d hologram of herself from the Aether's view. It looked nothing at all like her. This creature was black and red, shaped like a girl, but curled into a fetal position. The long, curly cinnamon hair made her look more macabre. The hologram twitched and drug itself along the floor in fits and jerks, wailing like nails on a chalkboard.

Audrey covered her mouth, gagging as tears rolled down her face. Mara grimaced and banished the image. "There was a small box of Aether that she must have been using in her tests. I used all of it, and I managed to heal my face, hands and feet. I sped up the healing on the rest of my body, but it took around six weeks to re-learn how to walk. I found an open Thinny and collected as much Aether as I could carry with me. I used so much to try and heal myself, hundreds of orbs. But they stopped working, and when my body wouldn't use them, I made them dormant again. Nothing has changed since then.

"What's funny is that when I was put back together, it followed the original coding from my DNA. My mother changed me about 100 years into the Barn, made me bigger, changed my bone structure a little. This size and shape, this hair? This is what I looked like originally, when I went into the Barn. So I can't really be touched, but I got my body back. Acid was the only thing I could think of to explain this to Paige."

"I'm so sorry. We didn't even consider that you might still be alive, or if you were that you weren't inside me."

Mara shrugged. "It wasn't your job to take care of me. I earned this pain. If I hadn't been so stupid and selfish- and it _was_ selfish to let her take your autonomy away just so I could be happy- I would have been here to stop this disaster. I could have healed you myself, I could have helped save the town, saved Dave. I'd never have let you go in that Barn, and I could have saved Nathan and Duke all this pain.

"When I got to town and found out- I realized it had all been for nothing. Everything was ruined, nothing that any of us had done had any real, lasting impact. Yeah, Nathan got a chance to have you back, but not the way he wanted. Paige wasn't you, and you're who he was in love with. He learned that lesson the hard way with me and Sarah. Paige could never have been his partner, she could never have been _you_. Even with James starting over, Nathan couldn't have told Paige he was the father. He was trapped, the only one who remembered everything except for Gloria and Dwight, and Dwight is busy with his daughter. Gloria is miserable, too."

"Since you mentioned him, can you explain what happened with James? Is he really mine? How does that work? He _is_ Nathan's right?"

Exhausted, Mara shifted so she was lying back on the bed, head propped on a pillow. Her feet were swollen and she had the normal pregnancy aches. but she rarely had the ability to focus on them. At least with Audrey back, Nathan could sleep without nightmares. Mara would be alone, but she'd be able to walk around naked.

"I scanned him at the coffee shop. He's biologically yours and Nathan's. I think it was something Mother planned, though I can't be sure. Maybe as a way to keep Nathan in line, to keep him from pushing too hard to drag you up. He'd have been afraid to lose James."

Audrey looked surprised. "You mean he's not yours anymore? How? _Why?_ What's the point of changing his DNA?"

"Still just guessing, but I think she knew there was a chance I'd survive the dispersal. So she set everything up so that even if I lived, I'd lose everything. Dave, Duke, you- James was the only thing that tied Nathan to me. So if I came back, I'd have nobody, and I'd have to go through every day knowing that even though I couldn't protect my son, he was alive again but beyond my reach. Same reason his touch doesn't hurt my skin. I mean, it hurts through clothes, but skin to skin? No pain. So I'd be able to see him, but I'd be nothing to him, nobody, and the one person who can touch me without hurting me is someone I can't touch. One last punishment."

Audrey closed her eyes, slouching. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It hurts, but I've thought for a long time that the reason my James died was because he was born to the wrong mother. As your child, he'll be safe and protected and loved. You'll be able to keep him and protect him. He has a mother and father who are in love with each other. This is the only good thing to come from this. I love him too much to begrudge him a good life with the right parents."

Her hand went to her belly, keeping her fingers still as she felt the movement inside her.

"You said 26 weeks? So another 14 to go, right?"

"Don't know. For my species, I'm full term, but who knows how Duke's genes will affect the rate of growth. It could be anytime from now to 14 weeks from now. That's why I have to save Duke as soon as possible."

"Nathan said you have a plan to bring Duke back. Is it really possible?"

"It has to be. I have no more religion, I'm making my own rules now. I _will_ get him back. My child will have a father." Her eyes were heavy. It had been ages since she'd slept in a bed. There was a deep fear of nightmares coming, of not having anyone there to wake her, but she had to learn.

"Why was Nathan here when I came?"

"I guess he's been coming here at night, a way to feel closer to Duke. Same reason I'm here. When I talked to her, Gloria gave me the boat and Duke's truck, so I live here now. I understood how Nathan felt, I could see how badly he was hurting, so I asked him to stay. It helped me, too. At least now that you're back he won't have so many nightmares. He deserves some peace, he's been suffering so much. We slept in the same room for a few hours, but it was only so we'd have someone else around. Don't want you to think I'm hiding anything."

Audrey smiled a little. "I don't mind, I'm glad. Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn't."

Mara touched Audrey's hand. "I'm not trying to be intrusive, but you've been gone, and I want to make sure you know what to watch for. He's very depressed, blames himself about Duke. He's had no space or time to heal at all, trying to make Paige comfortable. Not having you to talk to, you not remembering. He's fragile. Having you back is going to be a big help, but-" She considered how to put her feelings into words.

"You were angry when you realized you'd been overwritten and sent back. Nathan has been alone, he's had time to see that everything- all the pain, the loss- it was for nothing. It's like everything they did to keep you from the Barn in the first place was gone, but he'd also lost Duke in the process. He's had nothing but time alone to think. When I took the tattoo away, he'd been hurting himself to try and get rid of it because he couldn't find a laser place. Expect Post-Traumatic Stress. He might try to hide it to ease your transition, but he's been suffering."

"Is there something you think I should do?"

"Don't let him hide. Try to get him to talk, and when he does, remind him that Duke knew Nathan loved him, and that's why he trusted him to help him. Remind him that he helped Duke. It will take time."

"What about you?"

"What about me?

"I listened to you. You're blaming yourself for everything. How can I help you?"

Mara shook her head, looking away. "Different. Nathan did the best he could in an impossible situation he wasn't at fault for. The worst thing he did was get that stupid, spiteful tattoo in the first place, but he never had any intention of actually killing Duke. It was a schoolyard prank that bit him in the ass. Nathan is innocent.

"If I had been honest from the start, if I hadn't been such a fool when my mother spun that story about wanting to fix me so I could be happy- and honestly, I should have known better. She'd never wanted me happy, I was just desperate to become someone who could be loved so I _fell for it_. If I had been smart enough not to get dispersed or strong enough to get here faster, I truly could have prevented all the rest. It's because of me that we lost everyone and Nathan's been alone. So yes, I blame myself. I _should_ blame myself." Mara breathed slowly, trying to calm down.

"The point is, Audrey, I know how to cope. I've hated myself for a long time, and this is nothing new. For Nathan, it is. He needs a lot of support. I just want you to be aware."

Audrey looked heartbroken, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "You're wrong. You didn't do this, _she_ did this. It's her fault, Mara. Not yours."

"Which came first, Audrey, the chicken or the egg? She came to Haven because I was born different. She came back because I got free. Cause and effect. But it doesn't matter. Getting you back, getting Duke back and healing Nathan. That's what matters."

"Do you want us to stay with you?"

"No, no. You guys need to have space to greet each other properly and start bonding as a family." Mara stood, going to the closet to hunt for a robe. She found a soft satin robe hanging in the edge of the closet and smiled. This was perfect, and she'd be able to tease him about it later.

"Will it make you uncomfortable if I change with you in here? The seams are starting to chafe and I need to give my skin a break."

"It's fine, do you need help?"

"I'm good." She removed the boxers and panties first, folding them and setting them on the dresser before she took off the shirt. She heard Audrey's muffled gasp as her body was bared and she rolled her eyes, slipping the cool satin on with a content sigh. "I told you, everywhere but my face, hands and feet. It could be worse. Do you want to feel Duke's baby?"

Audrey actually smiled at the idea. "Yes! Yes, so much! Will it hurt you though?"

"Just don't move your hand a lot. Here." She stood in front of where Audrey was sitting and took her hand, putting it flat against her belly.

"Holy crap! She's moving like crazy! Can I use my other had too?"

"Go ahead."

Audrey pressed her hand against the other side of Mara's belly. "Wow, that's a lot of movement! Are you sure there's only one baby in there?"

Mara actually had to pause and think about it. "I- no, I guess not. I don't know anything. I've refused to even scan myself, not when he isn't here to find out. Whatever happens will be a surprise. It's possible, I guess. I've always thought it felt more like an octopus than a baby."

She bit her lip, needing to speak but not wanting to sound rude. "Audrey? Would you mind very much if I put your hair back to normal? It would make me feel better seeing the old you, so I'm sure it will make Nathan feel better."

"Can you do that? I don't mind at all, that would be great!"

Relieved, Mara took an orb from her duffle bag and in seconds, Audrey looked like herself again. "Thank goodness. I hated you looking so different."

"Thank you, Mara."

"I'm exhausted and I have a lot to try and get done tomorrow. I don't mean to be rude, but I need to sleep. James should be fine now, I used a little Aether for his teeth and belly, but I think he felt Duke making contact and that's what was making him scream. He spent a lot of time in the Void."

Audrey stood quickly. "Of course, you're not being rude." Audrey caught Mara's hands, leaning to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for calling me your sister. And you will _never_ be nothing to James. You're his aunt, and I want you to be his godmother."

Mara stroked Audrey's hair. "I don't believe in the gods anymore. Or they don't believe in me. I think that's a requirement."

"Not for me. It just means I want you to be his other mother. To be the one to take care of him if something ever happens to me. Please?"

"Of course. Thanks."

"Can I come by tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I need to work on the plan to get Duke back, and when it's time for me to go, it might be good to have a ride to the nearest Thinny. I don't know how hard he'll be to find and I can't take care of him and drive at the same time."

She walked out of the bedroom with Audrey and Nathan stood, James in his arms and apprehension on his face. His stance relaxed and his smile lit up the room when he saw Audrey's hair.

"Mara's tired, Nathan. I told her we would come back tomorrow."

He frowned slightly. "Mara, do you want us to stay? That nightmare- should you be alone?"

She raised her hand to touch his face. She almost stopped herself for fear of offending Audrey, but carried through- she had warned Audrey that Nathan needed help. She would help him in any way she could.

"Nathan, you've been in a nightmare too. Audrey is back. That part of the nightmare is over. It's time for you to enjoy it. Take your girlfriend and your son home. Get her stuff from where she's been staying and go make your house a home again. Let her help heal you, Nathan. Do it for me. Do it for him. He's going to come home, he'll want to see you a little bit happy."

He really had such expressive eyes. She could see the fear in them as he stared down at her. "I'm worried about you. He'd expect me to keep an eye on you, you're pregnant and hurt."

Mara patted his cheek before taking her hand away. "And yet I still got to Maine from Mexico on the 600 pesos I found in the lab. That's about $35. I'm stronger than I look. Audrey has my number in her phone, you can call or text whenever you want. But remember the kiss story you told me about? I fixed her _hair_ , Nathan. Please take some time to just be happy."

He looked thoughtful, but eventually nodded, squeezing her hand. "Do you swear you'll call if you need anything at all? Even if you just want to talk?" He was staring so hard, she was pretty sure he'd actually see it if she lied.

"I swear that if I actually _need_ anything, I will call. You can't babysit me every time I want to talk to someone. I'm okay."

He nodded, knowing she wasn't going to budge. "Please call if you have a nightmare, though."

"And you call me if you have one. I think you'll be okay though, Nathan. Audrey, same for you- call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you for helping me."

"It's the least I could do. Goodnight, James." She ran her fingers through his hair and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"We'll see you tomorrow then." Audrey squeezed her hand and Mara walked them out, retrieving the glowing blue orb from the deck. The sun was coming up, painting the landscape in vibrant colors, but all Mara could think about was how she wished Duke were there to see it. She waved at them before going back in and locking up, turning out all the lights.

Back in the bedroom, Mara slipped the robe off and climbed into the bed. It felt so nice to have nothing but the sheets actually touching her- no seams or pleats, just soft cool cotton that smelled like Duke.

Images of twins danced in her head. A little girl with curly dark hair and silver eyes. A boy with hair like Duke's but Mara's eyes. She could be the first person to bear him a son. It didn't matter. Either way, there was at least one baby Crocker in her, and Duke would be here for the birth. Audrey was safe.

One down, one to go.

Just before she closed her eyes, Mara brought an orb to her lips, whispering words of love and a promise that she was coming for him. She even put in a little extra energy, in case he wanted to try and contact her again, then she sent it off to find Duke.

In the silence, she closed her eyes and rested with the essence of Duke around her and his child inside her.


	6. What Have I Done Now?

Even exhausted, Mara slept fitfully. She was edgy, and though lying still, nude in Duke's bed was the most comfortable she'd been since the dispersal, her body ached all over, even in odd places she knew she hadn't been injured, like the bones in her shoulder.

She tried putting her feet up on pillows to relieve the swelling, attempting to make plans.

She just wasn't sure how to plan for something she'd never done before.

At 8 am she called Gloria, giving up on sleep. She set the garbage can in front of the fridge, settled down in a chair and started tossing things out as she dialed.

"Mara! I was wondering when you'd call. How are you settling, kid?"

"One down. Got Audrey back!"

She heard something fall and Gloria sounded stunned. "Are you serious? When? How? Does Nathan know?"

Another furry green container in the bin. She was getting to the dregs, bottled water, a few bottles of beer and a jar of maraschino cherries. "Paige called at 3:30 this morning because James was having a meltdown and Nathan was already here, so when she came over, I did what I do best. Scared her and hit her with the Aether. It's like Chia Pets say, 'just add water, instant pet', but instead it was, 'Just add Aether, instant Audrey'. Do maraschino cherries go bad?"

Gloria was quiet, trying to catch up. "You know, I can't answer that. How did she react? How's Nathan?"

Mara rubbed a spot on her chest that kept aching. "She handled it as well as can be expected. She was mad that she got sent back, but so happy to see Nathan. He's thrilled. I almost had to force them to leave at gunpoint around sunrise, Nathan's got himself convinced that Duke would want him babysitting me. But he and Audrey have a lot of time to make up for, and they have to learn how to be a family. Oh! I fixed her hair though."

"Well that's a big relief. The hair too. You think they're going to be alright?"

Putting the cherries back, Mara stood and closed the refrigerator, opening the freezer. She started dumping everything that was freezer burnt. "I do. He needs time and a lot of love, but I know Nathan will feel better when Duke is back. He suffered a severe emotional trauma. It won't go away overnight."

"And you still think you can bring our boy back?"

"I don't have a doubt. I made contact with him last night."

"You did what?" She'd never heard Gloria's voice get so high pitched. It was close to a yelp.

"About 3am, same time James woke up screaming, I got to talk to Duke, very briefly. I know his general location and I made him promise to wait for me."

"But _how_? You actually talked to him?"

"I had sent an orb out to search for his spirit. When I was asleep, the orb came back and pulled me to Duke. My body was asleep, it was technically a dream, but sometimes that's the best way to reach spirits. I really talked to him. I sent another orb to try and narrow the area down, because I don't want to wander around the Void for a month trying to track him down. I will if I have to, but with the pregnancy and everything- I'd rather not waste time."

"How was he?" Gloria asked desperately.

"He's okay, Gloria. He seemed healthy. He just needs time and love to recover, and that's something I can give him in spades. I promise, Gloria, I will bring your son home."

Mara heard Gloria crying for a moment before she sniffled and said, "What made you call him my son, sweetie?"

"Because I can see how you love him. I know better than almost anyone- genetics don't make a mother, love does. You cared for him and loved him when his mother wasn't there. That makes you his mom."

"Oh, little girl. I do love him, you're right. I'm so sorry about what that woman did to you. If she couldn't appreciate what she had, that's her failing."

Mara was digging in the back of the freezer and her fingers ached from the cold when her hand closed around a small, fogged-over container. Curious, she wiped her thumb over the outside so she could see what was in it and she choked and coughed, almost laughing.

"What is it, are you alright, Mara?"

"I'm cleaning out Duke's fridge and freezer, just came upon something that surprised me. I don't know how he manages to surprise me still."

She held her own toe- replaced when her body had reformed, but Duke had _kept it_. Right in his freezer next to the ice and an unopened box of popsicles. She couldn't even guess what it meant, but she put it back in the freezer, smiling and shaking her head.

"Anyway, I have a few things I have to do today, but I'll have my phone if you need me. I can't wait long, but I want to make sure this place is ready for him to come home to. I don't know if he'll have Void-sickness or anything, I just want to be prepared."

"You call if you need me, understand? Take care of yourself and that baby, too, missy."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll talk to you soon."

She hung up and put her phone on the counter, looking around to see if Duke kept any cash on hand. She didn't want to have to borrow from anyone, but Duke would need food to eat when he got home. She stood in front of the counter, rubbing her hand and thinking. The sudden commotion in her belly sealed the deal.

Sighing, she picked up the phone and shot a text off to Nathan.

_-Any idea if Duke keeps spare cash around? I need to get some groceries.-_

Her phone buzzed almost immediately, and she was surprised. She'd assumed they'd still be sleeping.

_-I can help. How much do you need?-_

Mara frowned at the phone. She was fine asking if he knew where Duke kept things, but she wasn't about to take money from Nathan. She nibbled her thumbnail thoughtfully.

_-Can you get me into the office for the Herald?-_

_-Sure, why?-_

_-I have money. I need to be able to get to it. I only need a few minutes there.-_

_-Should I pick you up at the Rouge?-_

Part of her wanted to say yes. To let Audrey and Nathan help her and take care of her. But the louder part had more pride.

_-No, thanks. Just meet me there in an hour?-_

_-See you there.-_

Bringing the phone back to the bedroom with her, Mara made the bed and dressed herself, readjusting her clothes several times. She slid on her cardigan, putting her things in the pocket before she left the boat, taking the trash out and locking up behind her.

She drove Duke's car to the _Herald_ and got out, waiting on the sidewalk. Only a minute later, the Bronco pulled up, Nathan sliding out as Audrey took James out of his carseat.

"Thank you. Sorry if I woke you, I texted hoping you'd just get it when you were awake."

"We were awake- the little guy was up at 8. What about you? You should still be asleep." Nathan was unlocking the door as Audrey came up, smiling at Mara.

"I tried, couldn't really sleep. I dozed for a few minutes at a time, but eventually gave up and decided to clean out the fridge." She made her way into the office, the smell of the office bringing back a thousand memories. "What will happen to this place?"

"They left it to Dwight. He hasn't decided what to do yet."

She knelt in a corner, sliding stacks of boxes around to make an open space on the floor and pressing a slightly faded bit of flooring until a panel popped open. "Nathan, would you mind pulling the box out of there for me? It's heavy and I don't have a good angle." She scooted aside to make room as Audrey and James watched.

He pulled out a large wooden chest, standing to put it on a counter. Mara looked in the hole once more, picking up a loose photo before shutting the panel and moving the boxes back.

"Do you think Dwight would be willing to sell it?"

Nathan shrugged, but Audrey looked interested. "You thinking about going into journalism?"

"Not really, I just don't want some stranger taking it over. If Dwight wants to sell, I'm going to offer to buy it."

"What's in the box?" Nathan looked excited, like a kid finding pirate treasure.

"My stuff. From when I was Sarah and from when I was Lucy. Dave took care of things for me."

She opened the heavy lid, handing Audrey the loose picture she'd picked up- Lucy with Vince and Dave, all laughing like idiots. Mara looked over the contents carefully, pulling out a small photo album that she hugged to her chest and then counting something. "I don't have ID or anything, I can't go get a bank account or even really cash this stuff in. Would you guys mind helping me? You can take however much you want for your trouble."

Nathan and Audrey frowned at each other. Audrey said, "Of course we'll help with whatever you need, and we don't need to be paid. What's in there?"

"A bunch of mementos, some savings bonds, 13 gold bars and 13 silver bars."

They were dumbfounded. " _How?"_ Nathan asked.

"I left things behind, things I thought I might be able to come back for someday, things I thought I'd be able to give to-" Her eyes shot briefly to the baby in Audrey's arms. "Just stuff I thought might be useful someday. I have other things hidden around town, but this was the safest one, so I thought it would be the best for today. The guys took care of it, adding certain things for me. Including money, it appears. I know I didn't leave quite this much in the chest."

She held the photo album like a shield or a child- loving and protective. Audrey's tone was warm and persuasive. "Will you show us?"

Mara wondered if that was a good idea. But Audrey wanted to see, and she didn't want to lie or keep secrets, not about things that didn't really matter anymore. "Sure, if you want."

She laid the album out on the counter, opening it to show them the pictures that the Teagues brothers has taken of her when she was Sarah, the pictures of James that they'd taken before she had to go and everything June Cogan had sent for Sarah since then. There were more pictures of Lucy and a grown James in the back of the album, and a lock of his hair tied in a silk ribbon.

Audrey was staring in fascination. "He looks just the same."

"His hair is a little different. Lighter, because of you."

Nathan's eyes were sad. "Are you okay, Mara?"

The lie came out automatically. "Of course. Don't worry about me. I had my chance. He's in the right place now. Not the point though. You wanted to see, so I showed you. Do you mind cashing in the money though? I don't know what the price of gold or silver is right now, but the bonds are mature and have probably gained a lot of interest. I just need to get groceries and a few things I didn't have money for. Is there a baby store here? I can't shop online without a card."

"You can use my account," Audrey offered, "until we get you set up with ID and get you a bank account."

Mara smiled gratefully. "I'd appreciate it. I don't have time to drive out to the city, too much to do. But there's stuff that I have to have, and I don't have much in the way of clothes."

"Why don't you let us give you the cash to do your grocery shopping while we do the bank stuff, and if it makes you feel better you can just pay us back after we bring you your money. I can even get you some clothes in your size to wear until you have the time to do real shopping."

"That- are you sure you have the time to do that? I don't want to impose."

"I'm positive. Is there anything specific you want?"

"Nothing beige. Please. If you can, whatever is really soft. And if you see baby stuff, I need a few of everything. I don't know how much time I have, but if you could get a few blankets and sleepers and diapers, I can buy the rest online when I get home, if I can use your account. I'll give you the money upfront so I don't mess up your finances."

"That's fine. We'll bring your box back to you after we exchange everything for cash. Do you want to put your personal things in a bag for right now?"

Mara looked around, spotting a cardboard box on Dave's desk. She went over to grab it but stopped, pausing to open his desk drawer. She pulled out a few photos of Dave with each personality, tucking them into the photo album as she came back to the counter and transferred her keepsakes to the cardboard box so Nathan could carry the heavy wooden chest.

Nathan pulled three $100 dollar bills from his wallet and handed them to Mara. "So you can get groceries. I don't remember seeing you eat anything yesterday."

"Thank you. Just promise you'll take it, and whatever Audrey spends, from the money they give you at the bank."

"Okay, I promise. We'll meet you at the _Rouge_ later?

Mara nodded. "Thank you again. I really appreciate this."

They walked out together and Audrey locked the door as Nathan carried the chest to the Bronco. Mara put her cardboard box into the back of the Land Rover, thanked them both again and blew James a kiss, leaving before she could get teary.

* * *

 

She managed to do all her shopping and get back to the _Rouge_ without incident. There was a lot to be said for looking different- being small and inconspicuous. People didn't stop her or think she was Audrey, and she didn't have to really talk to anyone.

She unpacked all the groceries, stocking the shelves, fridge and freezer with fresh food. She'd even gotten lucky and found a case of maple water at the store, and she opened one immediately, taking her medication before she peeled off her cardigan and sat down.

She laid her head back, closing her eyes and letting herself relax, dozing off and on. She yawned when she heard the knock at the door and went to let Nathan and Audrey in.

Audrey was smiling happily, James in one arm and several bags in the other, and Nathan was loaded down like a pack mule, the chest in his hands and bags hanging off both arms.

Mara let them in, rushing to take the chest out of Nathan's hands- it was light enough to carry without the bars in it, though it was heavy enough that it was obviously holding _something_ \- and letting them set everything on the counter.

"What did you do, Audrey, buy out the entire store? What is all this?"

"Necessities. After we did the banking stuff, I made a list of the things I knew you'd need. Sit down, Mara, I'll bring everything to you. Did you get all the grocery things you needed? Here, will you hold James?"

Audrey's obvious excitement made Mara smile a little, and she took the baby, who reached for her happily. She allowed herself to be herded back to the couch, where Audrey was piling bags on the coffee table and floor. "Yes, I got the groceries. I tried to get things I knew Duke would like so I can cook for him when he gets home."

Audrey got a pair of scissors from a kitchen drawer and came to sit with Mara. "If you don't like anything, I can take it back, but whatever you do keep, I'll take the tags off and put them in the washing machine for you."

"Thank you for helping me. It was really nice of you to do all of this. Did you pay yourself back already?"

"We went to the bank first, so we just used your money so you wouldn't worry. I have the receipts from the bank and the stores for you."

"And there was enough for everything?"

Nathan laughed loudly before Audrey could answer her. "Yeah. Don't know how you decided to choose that method of putting money away, but gold and silver have gone way up since you did. You shouldn't have to worry about money. Here's your papers from the bank. Once we get you some ID, they really, really want your business."

Confused, Mara looked at the papers he handed her, then looked back up at him. "You're sure this is right?"

He nodded. "They were as shocked as us. They didn't have that kind of cash on hand, so they drew up a cashiers check for most of it. We can take it to one of the big banks or you can just deposit it when you open an account. I called a friend of Duke's, he's working on setting up the papers you'll need."

"Nathan, you aren't getting involved in forgery, are you?" The thought was immensely pleasing. That she could heal him and corrupt him at the same time... it was like every holiday wrapped in one shiny, government-issued bow.

His smile was warm and amused, like he could tell what she was thinking. "No. Everything is legal. Gloria got the old forms and signed off on a birth certificate for you, the rest is just filling out papers and waiting."

"I don't know what to say. Thank you."

Audrey helped put all the new clothes in the wash and as the next set of bags were opened, Mara laughed at the squealing, the side of Agent Parker that was rarely ever seen. That had never really existed before - _Audrey Parker the mother_. It struck Mara that that had almost been taken from Audrey too.

She had already gone without a childhood, either real nor the miserable history given to her by the Barn. They'd tried so hard to keep her from love, and when she finally gets love, they overwrite her and she misses out on motherhood. If she had lived, what would Charlotte's story be in another 500 years? What 'crime' had Audrey Parker committed that her enslavement was justified?

Charlotte had tried to make Audrey into Mara. Exhaustion and hormones combined and the random thought passed that perhaps Mara wasn't even the first. Maybe there was another girl before her. Would Audrey have remembered Mara in 500 years? Mara shivered and focused on the creature that her mother and the universe had tried to prevent.

Mommy-Audrey patiently sorted and unwrapped blankets and sleepers and every other baby-item she'd been able to find as Mara watched her, fascinated.

The one thing Mara had gotten with James- his gestation and birth- Audrey had missed with her own James. So if Audrey wanted to experience pregnancy vicariously? Mara was glad to be the one to share it with her.

Wishing she could move freely, Mara grabbed Audrey's wrist with her free hand, James still in her lap. Audrey glanced over, curious. " _Thank you_ , Audrey. I appreciate your help, and I'm really glad you're back. I was afraid you'd hate me. I wouldn't have blamed you. But you've been really nice. It means a lot."

Audrey sat down next to Mara as Nathan took out the bag of discarded labels and wrappers and clasped their hands together, laughing. "You fought to get here, you cared enough to help Nathan and you brought me back. Why on earth are you thanking me?"

"Everything could have been so much different. If I had just been a little more trusting... But then when I did trust someone, it bit me in the ass. It's hard to know who to trust, so I thought it was easier not trusting anybody. I don't know how I could have made myself understand sooner, but I wish I had."

"I know you were scared. And once we were away from each other and I could think about it, I understood. I tried to imagine myself in your position and it was impossible. And then I _was_ in your position, in a way, and it was so much worse than I had imagined. Now? Knowing what I know and having experienced it even for just a few weeks, I don't even know how you managed. We were all wrong about so much. But all we can do is try to do better in the future. Once you get Duke home, we'll all be better."

"You believe I'll bring him home?"

"Yeah. Yes I do. And I can't wait to see him with a baby. I believe in you."

Nope, Mara couldn't take it. Too much emotion. She stood and headed for the kitchen, hunting for something to do that wouldn't cause tears. She stopped dead in her tracks as she looked at the counter, Nathan coming up behind her very quietly.

"Do you like it?"

"It's very nice. Is this new?"

"You can't really shop for things online without a computer. We thought you'd like something portable."

She rubbed at her hand and noticed Nathan doing the same with his own. "How'd you hurt your hand, Nathan?"

He glanced at Audrey, blushing. "Car door. It's fine. What'd you do?"

"I must have knocked it on something when I was cleaning out Duke's freezer. How quaint, we're twins." She touched the thin, flat computer with one hand. "This is great. I might need some help. Everything I know about computers I learned during my time with Audrey. So I'm good with NCIC, solitaire and minesweeper."

Audrey scoffed, but Nathan laughed loudly, moving next to Mara to give her a crash course. He'd already set it up for her, making her an email account and logging her into Audrey's online-shopping accounts so there wasn't much to do. Mara forced a roll of bills on Audrey, insisting she wanted to be able to do some shopping if she couldn't sleep again.

Before Nathan and Audrey started getting ready to go out for dinner, Audrey hung up the clean clothes in Duke's closet next to his stuff, putting all the baby clothes and blankets in the dryer. Mara was drinking a meal-replacement liquid and dreading another sleepless night when Audrey and Nathan collided, Audrey accidentally stomping on Nathan's foot. A sharp pain ran through Mara's foot, up her leg and she froze, staring down.

Nothing had touched her, she hadn't stubbed her toe- she'd been standing still, for crying out loud. She thought about their aching hands and a chill ran up her spine. It was coincidence. Of course it was coincidence.

But Mara had never believed in coincidence.

"Before you guys go, Nathan, would you mind if I checked you over really quick to see if you have any injuries from when your Trouble was active that didn't heal right? If you're going to be keeping up with a baby, you really should be in prime condition, right?"

He shrugged. "If you want to, sure. Isn't it a little late to fix it if it's healed, though?"

She led him to the couch, having him sit next to Audrey so Audrey could nurse James while they worked. "Not with Aether. I can heal anything that's out of place. Do you have anything specifically that's been hurting you? And please don't pull the tough guy act. I need to actually know if something hurts."

"I've got a lot of little aches and pains. Some of my joints are a little stiff. Right here aches." He pointed to where she had shot him and she smiled apologetically, sitting in front of him on the coffee table.

Mara focused, letting the Aether flow to life, showing her a detailed scan of Nathan's body. As she cataloged his poorly-healed injuries and began to repair them, she compared them to the aches that had been plaguing her. Even now her shoulder hurt, so she used Nathan's injury as a test, letting the Aether flow over and re-set the bones, healing the soft tissue damage.

Anxiety blossomed in her chest as the ache in her shoulder faded.

She went through him level by level, repairing constantly. Being unable to feel had caused him to exacerbate injuries as they healed and his body was full of scar tissue and poorly remodeled fractures. She considered what other things she should test as she worked. Nathan hadn't said anything about feeling more pain than usual, but Mara had to be certain.

"Stay right there, I just need to grab something from the kitchen, I'm almost done and you guys can go eat." In the kitchen, she took out a small filet knife, eyes on Nathan as she pressed it into the palm of her hand. He didn't react- didn't jump or flinch or even look at his hand. Mara put a band-aid against the cut, leaving the knife in the sink as she returned to the coffee table.

She took Nathan's hand, checking for herself. There was no wound.

What the hell was going on?

Audrey finished feeding James and burped him, handing him over to Nathan, where James curled into his father's arms. Mara remembered the depth of her grief when she'd found out that her son had been brought back, given a second chance but given to another mother. How much she had hurt over losing the only tie she had to Nathan, the only thing that connected them. When would she ever learn?

Rule #1. Be careful what you wish for.

"Okay, you should be good for now. We'll want to go over you once or twice more, but we'll give it some time in between treatments. You guys should go eat. Thank you for all your help today."

They stood to gather their things, but Audrey hung back, staring at Mara like she could see something was on her mind. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us? I still haven't seen you eat any real food."

"Thanks, but I'm good. I get enough calories and nutrients. I can wait for Duke. I'll eat when he does."

"Call us if you need anything?"

"Of course. Go. Have fun."

She patted their backs, kissing James on his head as she walked them out, putting the baby things from the dryer into the laundry basket to bring back inside and locking the door. As she sat and folded everything in neat stacks, the same thought repeated over and over in her head.

_What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to CrockersHaven for making me believe Mara's toe has been living in the freezer this whole time.


	7. Blissful Ignorance

After folding the baby things, Mara played with her new computer, intent on ordering only the things she knew she needed.

Of course, she'd never shopped online before, and she found herself ordering everything from a co-sleeper to bouncy chairs and swings, trying to imagine where Duke would let her set them up. Even if he didn't want her, she wasn't going to leave him on his own until she knew he was healthy and well. He'd just have to get used to it. If he wanted her out when he was well, she'd deal with it then.

She thought constantly about what appeared to be a one-sided bond with Nathan. In a way it made sense. Her bond with him when she was James's mother had always been one-sided; she had loved him but he had loved Audrey. Now that James had been given to Audrey, that bond hadn't just disappeared. Love that strong never really disappeared. So the only thing she could guess was that it had moved and rewired itself, creating a bond that allowed her to feel Nathan's pain. It didn't work on Nathan because he hadn't had that love for Mara.

Scientifically and metaphysically she understood it, but she didn't know what to do about it. William had left, thinking her gone, and perhaps their bond had died with his hope. But Mara didn't know how to sever this bond to Nathan. She could live with it, of course, and at some point she was going to have to alter Nathan so he would stop aging, making him like her and Audrey.

She just didn't know if she could explain it to anyone.

She finally took her medication, putting the computer away and stretching out under the blankets, daydreaming about what life would be like once Duke came home.

Mara fell quickly into a deep sleep, happy dreams of sitting on the beach with Duke watching two toddlers building with sand. Duke looked so different than he had when she'd last seen him; the lines of stress and fatigue gone, replaced by small laugh lines around his eyes. His hair was longer, still decorated with the small streaks of silver at his temples that she secretly treasured. He was shirtless, tanned and toned and beautiful.

He had a beer bottle in his hand, the sun reflecting off the amber glass and making sparkles against his tan skin. Chuckling, he looked over at her. His eyes sparkled with mirth.

"This is really nice. Not what I was expecting at all."

She laughed. "It's always nice when nobody is bleeding, I think. I guess we've learned to adjust our expectations with time."

He cocked his head and reached out to touch her hair. "I'd never have guessed you had long, curly hair. Or that you'd be so _small_. How tall are you, anyway?"

She glared playfully. "My license says I'm 5'0. I might have lied about an inch, but at that point, who's even keeping track? I don't know why you tease me about it so much. Audrey's only 5'4. Pick on her about it."

He was still holding her hair, stretching it out to examine it. "You look beautiful. I got so used to blue eyes, the purple will be hard to adjust to."

"Violet. And what are you talking about? You should be used to my eyes by now."

"But this is the first time I've really seen you."

Mara's heart skipped in her chest and then started racing. She looked around frantically.

They were on a beach, but they were alone. And she _didn't hurt_.

"Oh my god, Duke? You're here? You're really here?"

"You're the one who called me."

She jumped on him, rolling around in the sand as she kissed him breathless. "You're here, you're here. You can see me!" She hugged him hard, pressing her face to his neck as his arms wrapped around her.

"Yeah, I can see you. Where the hell have you been? I started looking for you as soon as I got here. They said you were dead, but I figured you'd stay close, so I did too. Figured maybe we could team up. Why'd it take so long to find you?"

She kept one arm around his neck, sitting him up so she could sit in his lap straddling him, one hand pressed to his face. "Duke, I'm _not dead_. There was no joining, she never tried to combine me and Audrey. She was trying to kill me or send me away, make it too hard to get back in time. But I'm alive, Duke. That's why you couldn't find me."

He looked crushed. "You weren't dead? That whole time, you were alive? Where were you?"

"She hurt me and sent me to Mexico. I swear I was trying to get back but I was so broken, I took too long. I'm so sorry. I really screwed up."

His eyes searched hers, his hands rubbed her back where he was holding her. "Hurt you how, Mara?"

Confused, she looked down at herself. Flat stomach, clear skin. Of course. she was dreaming, she wouldn't have brought the scars with her.

"It doesn't matter right now, we'll have plenty of time to talk about that later."

"But how? You can't stay with me if you're alive. I don't want you to leave me. I've been looking for so long, and I only just found you after I heard your voice yelling for me."

"I won't leave you, Duke. Not like you're thinking. I was yelling for you yesterday, do you remember saying you'd wait for me?"

"I remember dreaming. It was weird, I haven't dreamed since I died. I dreamed we were in a bunch of white fog and you were telling me to wait. When I woke up, one of your little balls of Aether was dancing around and led me here."

"Orbs." Mara corrected automatically. "But I'm not letting you go, Duke. I refuse. I _need_ you. You have to hold on, stay right here and _wait_. You're safe here. Are you listening, Duke?"

He was staring at her lips, his hands stroking over her lower back and hips. "Yup. It's safe, wait. It was the _need_ part I got stuck on. You look so beautiful. Is this what you looked like before?"

She couldn't help but laugh, grabbing his face and kissing him. "Yes, this is what I looked like before. She changed me so I looked different, but it was cosmetic, my DNA didn't change. So after I got hurt, I went back to normal."

He pulled her close, kissing her again. He tasted better than she remembered. "How long do we have, Mara?"

She stared at his dark eyes. She _had_ put extra energy in that orb...

"You know, I have some extra energy to share... if you have something in mind."

His lips curled in a predatory smile and he rolled until he was above her, pulling her tank top over her head and off. In a fraction of a second, his mouth was at her breast. She groaned, arching against him. "I will never, ever let anyone touch me but you, Duke. You're all I want and I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

With a last lick and nibble, he backed up, pulling her leggings off and unbuttoning his fly. He kicked the jeans off, coming up to press his body against hers again. He spoke between kisses to her throat. "I know. We both screwed up. But you're here. You came looking for me. And then I knew for sure that you loved me. I want you to show me. I want to feel you."

She gasped and he settled between her thighs, kissing her hungrily. She wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling at him and nibbling at his chest and shoulder. "I've missed you so much, Duke. _Please_."

He pushed into her, and his moan sounded more like a growl. Mara pressed her mouth to his and held him tightly, moving to push against him every time he thrust. It was magical, beautiful. She felt complete, beautiful and wanted and unafraid. She was burning, her blood boiling, but there was no pain.

Desperate for touch- specifically for his touch, she cried out, dragging her nails down his back.

"I love you, Duke. I've always loved you and I will never stop."

"I know, Mara. I know. And I love you too. I wish like hell I'd told you sooner." He pulled one of her legs higher, thrusting deep, and she shouted, her body clenching around him, begging for more.

She refused to close her eyes, staring up at him. She didn't even want to blink, afraid to miss a second or a single look on his face. "I need to feel you, Duke. I need to see your face. I've missed you too much, make me feel you."

He bit her neck, pushing harder, over and over until she was rattling apart. "God you're beautiful. I didn't think you could even _be_ more beautiful." His mouth crashed down on hers as she cried out, their tongues dancing together. His breath caught, a low groan rising in his chest and he thrust harder, claiming her on this magic beach. She shouted his name and he came inside her, the look on his face burned into her mind. They panted in each other's arms, clinging to each other.

He kissed her again as he pulled out, lying next to her and pulling her tight against him. "This. This is what I've been looking for, what I was looking forward to. All the madness gone, just here with you."

"I promise I will take you on vacation. But I need to bring you back. I need you alive, Duke."

"I've seen you do a lot of crazy things, Mara, but I wasn't aware you could give _life._ "

He didn't know she was pregnant- had no way of knowing she was pregnant- so the words struck her as _hilarious_. First she tried to choke down a chuckle, and when she couldn't she laughed harder and harder until she was howling with tears running down her face, clutching her ribs. He was looking at her like she was insane, and that just made her laugh harder.

"Why is that funny?"

Mara was trying desperately to contain her mirth, but it had been so long since she'd laughed, it felt so good.

And she couldn't determine if it was bad form to tell him now or wait til he got home.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled, "you just- I'm glad I can still surprise you. I have so many surprises for you when we get you home."

His fingers traced up her bare back and she snuggled in close, pressing a kiss to his chest. "So where is home now, anyway?"

"Oh. Well, about that. When I made it into Haven, Gloria was the first one I really talked to after I found out everything went to hell. We talked and there was a lot going on, but, um... long story short, I'm staying on the _Rouge_. Just keeping it safe for you, I swear. I'm not changing anything. You won't come home to beaded curtains and puffy throw pillows everywhere. I wanted to be close to you until I could get you home. Which I will do very soon."

Duke shot her a wry smile. "Are you sleeping in my bed?"

"I am. Naked."

He grinned happily. "If you're bringing me back, I'll probably need a lot of care when I get home. You should probably stay to take care of me."

"You're right. I can't leave you alone. I cleaned out that refrigerator. I'll have to get you new Tupperware, because I'm pretty sure the stuff in there was alive and sentient, so it's all gone."

"There's a safe under the kitchen counter. Little latch over the silverware door, click that, the counter swings up. The code is 6-2-8-3."

Mara looked at him curiously. "What's in there? More Tupperware?"

He laughed loudly. "Grocery money. Use whatever you find in there in any way you want. Promise?"

"I got hold of some of my money and bought groceries. Plenty of things to cook for you when you get home. I'm not sure I remember how to eat."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just taken a long time to get to Haven. I only had 600 pesos, and I wasn't in great shape. I mostly use those canned liquid meals."

He frowned at her, fingers rubbing over her ribs. "Promise me you'll eat? Real food, Mara. I mean it. Food is important."

"Whatever makes you happy, but I'll eat when you're home to eat with me."

"What's your plan, anyway? How do you bring someone to life?"

She fought another giggle. "You went into the Void when you- died." The laughter died in her throat, her stomach twisted unpleasantly, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Duke. "My orb brought you to a safe zone, somewhere you can rest safely until I come for you. I'm going to go into the Void and get you, bring you back. Your body here appears healthy and well, so some active Aether infusion on the way back should keep your body strong for the crossover."

"So when are we doing this?" He bent his neck to kiss her head.

"As soon as possible. When I wake up, I'm going to try to take in some more Aether to keep me strong for the trip. I need to get some medical supplies from Gloria and a ride to the nearest Thinny. I can't deal with another day without you. I should have just told you, I should have been honest from the start. I won't screw it up again."

"How are the oth-" Duke froze, staring down at her. His eyes widened as he looked her up and down, and his voice was quiet and strained. _Horrified_.

"Jesus, Mara, what happened to you?"

Confused, she looked down at herself, nude and pressed against Duke. Her eyes burned with tears. The scars were showing. "Oh no. I must be close to waking. I'm sorry, Duke, I'm sorry. I know I look bad. We can talk about it when you're back."

"No, tell me what happened. Who did this to you? Are you in pain?"

"It doesn't matter, Duke! I don't know how much time we have, and I need to know you'll wait _here_. Promise me! Swear it, Duke."

There were tears in his eyes, but he said, "I promise."

She leaned up and grabbed his face, desperate for one last kiss. Their lips had just touched when she felt a hard jerk, and suddenly Duke was under her, and she saw the Maze on her- oh, not hers, _Nathan's_ arm.

She couldn't look away, she had to see it exactly as Nathan saw it, as he was seeing it right now.

No. No. No more pain. Nathan had suffered _enough_.

With every ounce of strength she possessed, she fought, a scream bubbling up from her throat as she woke. The pain, the agony ripped at her, but she scrambled for the phone, dialing Audrey as quickly as her fingers could move.

Her sleepy voice had just started to say "Hello" when Mara cut her off. "Wake Nathan up! Do it now, he's having a nightmare, don't let him see it! _Wake him up now!_ "

She heard the phone drop on something that sounded soft- probably the bed- and she heard Audrey urging Nathan awake, probably shaking him. When Mara heard Nathan's sobbing, she let out a shaky breath, reaching for her pills. She took an extra with this dose, drinking the last of her bottle of water as she lay back, shaking as tears ran down her face.

As she waited on the open line, Mara thought about everything.

She wouldn't be able to keep the bond a secret anymore. They would want to know why Mara knew Nathan was having a nightmare. She wouldn't lie. Lies had hurt enough people. She hoped it wouldn't make them too uncomfortable.

Duke's distraught face as he looked at her body. He had looked sad and upset, but not disgusted by her. Mara knew his heart well enough to know that he wouldn't stop loving someone over scars. It's not who he was or how he was built. He loved with his heart, not his eyes.

But she still wished she could be pretty for him.

It was only midnight. She had to see Gloria to get the medical supplies she might need, and she would take in as much Aether as she could hold before she went in. She could collect more to refill her stockpile while she was looking for Duke. She wouldn't be able to see Gloria until morning. The time would fly for Duke, but every minute here seemed to take an hour.

Years ago she had managed to sneak around the Lucy personality and program the Aether inside Nathan to block the memories of his abuse at the hands of his biological father. Perhaps she could do it again, locking up the memory of watching Duke die so Nathan wouldn't suffer so much. If she let Nathan keep the knowledge but hid the specific memory, he could still keep his vow to be a better friend and to appreciate Duke, but he wouldn't be haunted every night.

She had to get permission, though. She knew what it was like to have your mind toyed with, and it had to be Nathan's decision. All Mara could do was make the offer and try to convince him that it was for the best.

Audrey and Nathan were still talking quietly. They had probably forgotten the phone, so Mara hung up and got out of bed, grabbing a dust rag and going over the ship again, trying to make everything perfect for Duke's homecoming. No matter what, she wasn't coming back without him. Either she would bring him home or she would stay with him in the Void.

Grabbing a pad of paper, she sat back on the bed, making a list of all the things she would need for the medical bag. IV kits, medications, triage tools- he might come through just fine, and she could probably use Aether to repair anything that was actually wrong with him, but how much would she have to take in and how much she would need to use? If she got overloaded, she would need the regular medical gear to do the smaller things like treating shock or dehydration. She had to save her abilities to change him from spirit to living man. She was only one person.

Audrey had the ability to use Aether, but not the training. Mara would have to teach her at some point, but for now Mara was the only one who could help.

Thinking about Audrey, she realized that Duke would want to know what had happened in his absence, and Mara quickly put tranquilizers on her list of medical necessities. Duke would be furious when he found out everything that had happened, perhaps more angry than Mara had been herself. She didn't want Duke to accidentally sicken himself or break something. Some injectable and oral tranquilizers could save them a lot of fuss.

The baby kicked, pushing Mara's stomach out at a strange angle and bumping her hand, making her writing bounce across the paper. This, at least, was one good thing she could give Duke. Her love and the promise of a family.

Mara pulled on the satin robe, though she wasn't sure why. She'd been walking around naked without any trouble at all and it was the middle of the night, there was nobody around to see her. She went to the kitchen and checked for the hidden switch Duke had mentioned, a little afraid their time together had been a dream. She didn't need his money, she just wanted to see if the safe was real, to prove that they'd actually talked.

Her heart fluttered when she felt the latch and she exhaled the breath she'd been holding as the counter swung up. She pressed the numbers; 6-2-8-3, and pulled the handle on the door, opening it to reveal a large opening full of money, two guns and several small boxes and envelopes. She was sorely tempted to snoop, but was content to run her hands over everything, just happy to have this proof- this tangible evidence that she had really been with him.

She spent a few minutes trying to understand the code. Not the birthday of anyone she knew. But it had to mean something. When she'd ruled out dates of people she knew, she glanced at her phone, comparing the letters that corresponded to each number and then using them to make words.

When she finally saw it, she laughed. The code spelled 'Nate'. Of course it did. The thing Duke cared about most, his best friend, that only the people who truly knew him could ever guess. A stranger wouldn't guess the smuggling, law-skirting pirate was so attached to the lawman. He tried to keep his heart hidden and protected. When he was home and safe, Mara would give him enough love for a thousand lifetimes.

There was a knock at the door, and Mara reached for one of the guns, not bothering to close the safe and counter. She felt certain she knew who it was- why she had known to put the robe on in the first place- but she was still going to be cautious. She couldn't afford to get hurt or mess anything up when she was so close to getting her life together. She called through the door, one hand on the lock.

"Who is it?"

"It's us, Mara." Audrey sounded like she was trying to be quiet- James must be asleep. Mara unlocked the door and stood back to let them in, closing and locking the door behind them and heading back to return the gun to the safe. While Audrey put the diaper bag down, Mara put the teakettle on to boil and pulled out a few large envelopes, putting the cashiers check and receipts in one and cash in another, leaving out several hundred dollars that she put into the wallet Audrey had gotten for her when she was shopping. She put the photo album on top and closed the safe as Nathan and Audrey stared.

"How'd you find that?" Nathan asked. " _I_ didn't even know that was there."

She gave him a soft smile. "I talked to Duke. Longer this time, I had sent him an orb with extra energy in it. He surprised me, I thought I was dreaming. He told me about the safe so I'd have money if I needed anything."

Audrey raised her eyebrows, asking, "Is that what happened to your neck?"

Mara looked at her curiously, but moved to the closest mirror- there was a perfect bite mark on her neck and she remembered him biting her as her face turned red. "Yeah. Sorry, I hadn't noticed that. He must have intended to leave a mark."

"Does he know about the _other_ mark he left on you?"

"Audrey!" Mara laughed a little, shaking her head. "No, not yet. I was dreaming, not everything carried across. I thought it would be better to tell him when he's home. I don't want him worried about me going after him." Mara sighed, turning off the stove and pouring the water over the three tea bags before she went to sit in a chair, leaving the couch to Nathan and Audrey, James asleep in his carseat on the floor by their feet. "I didn't have control over the last few minutes and he saw the scars. I didn't have time to explain, but he was upset. I wish he hadn't seen that."

Nathan looked fierce as he spoke up. "Of course he was upset. He doesn't want to see you hurt. None of us do. But it doesn't change who you are and it doesn't make you any less beautiful. You know Duke will think so too."

"Thank you. I do know, I know he's not that shallow. I just don't want him worried right now. I'm going to go after him tomorrow. As soon as Gloria gets to work, I'm going to get a medical kit put together. I already made a list, and then if you guys don't mind I need a couple of favors."

"Anything, just name it." Audrey said. "We'll help however we can."

"I need to borrow a ring. I can travel the Void without it, but a ring will save time. The one Nathan has, it was mine originally. I left it with Garland so he could give it to Nathan when he was old enough. I don't want to keep it, just to use it for the trip. Once I get Duke, I'll have him wear it so he's safe for the trip home. Then I need a ride to the closest Thinny, and I need someone to wait for me. I could drive the Land Rover, but I can't take care of Duke and drive at the same time. Depending on how long I'm in the Void, it could affect me, too. I'd rather be safe."

Audrey nodded. "Of course, we'll do it." Her expression didn't change at all as she asked, "So if you get sick from the Void, will that affect Nathan?"

Mara's eyes shot to Audrey's, then looked back and forth between her and Nathan. She finally sighed, slumping her shoulders and resting a hand on her belly. "What do you know and when did you find out?"

Nathan watched her face as Audrey spoke. "After Nathan was calm again, I realized I'd forgotten you were on the phone. You'd hung up by then, but with everything calm it hit me that you- well, _everything_ hit me. I remembered how many times I'd see you and Nathan rubbing the same places. Your hands, your shoulders, and I realized that you couldn't have known he was having a nightmare unless you saw it."

Mara pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. "I only realized a little before you guys left for the night. No, Nathan's not in any danger. I tested it. It's one-sided. I don't know how to break it, I'm sorry. But it won't affect your lives."

"How did it happen, Mara?" Nathan's voice was calm and gentle.

"I don't know for sure. I have a few guesses, but I can't be certain. Does it matter? Will knowing help you?"

"Can't hurt. I'd like to know."

"You remember when we were talking about punishment and I told you how I felt about my mother severing the only thing that connected you to me? All the emotion and metaphysical power behind that connection had to go somewhere. You can't just make half a century of love- what I felt for you and what I felt for my baby- you can't make it disappear. It had to go somewhere. But now it's... she basically made it so my James never existed. She overwrote his entire existence like it was nothing, there _is_ no more real memory or mark or anything regarding my son to put that energy into. So it rewired itself to bind me to you."

She was embarrassed, staring down at her belly where she could see the baby's foot moving, her belly pushing out in moving bulges and lumps.

"Why can't I feel you? Your bond with William went both ways, right?"

Her cheeks burned with the heat of her blush. "When I was bonded to William, yes. I believe the

bond broke when he believed I was dead and he left, or maybe this bond broke it. But they're different. You don't feel me because our relationship was one-sided. You didn't know I existed. You loved Audrey, not me. So there was nothing in you to _be_ rewired. And no need, because James is still your son. You didn't lose anything, you actually _gained_. You get to raise him and keep him. The extra emotion was only mine, and so the bond only works one way.

"I swear I'll never abuse it- not that I could, like I said, I'm bonded to you, not the other way around. I'll just be useful if you get hurt or have nightmares. I'm sorry about this, both of you. But it doesn't change anything."

Audrey's eyes were red-rimmed. "I'm so sorry, Mara. I love James so much, but I wouldn't have hurt you like that and I hate that you're suffering. That you lost that. You've already lost so much."

"I don't want you guys to think I'm upset with you, or even what's happened. I love him, I always have, and that's why I gave him to June in the first place. You're perfect, he's in an ideal situation and I want that for him. You're the perfect mother for him, Audrey, and he should always have been yours. He wasn't meant to be mine. But for awhile he was, and those memories will always exist for me. Even when Sarah went away, I thought of him every day. This- you and Nathan together, raising him... his biological parents happy and in love, it's the ideal environment for a child and I know you'll keep him safe and happy. Now that Paige is gone and you're yourself, this is what I wanted for him. I just didn't realize that losing that connection that I barely even got to acknowledge would hurt so much."

Mara stood to finish making the tea and brought them each a cup, making a second trip for her own.

Nathan cleared his throat. "We talked, and I know it's not the same, but we want you and Duke to be his godparents."

"Audrey told me earlier. Thank you. Just, please, I don't want you thinking you need to make me feel better. I want what's best for him. Audrey is the closest thing I have to a sister- if it wouldn't make that woman your mother, I'd wish we _were_ sisters. This baby, Duke's baby, will be your niece or nephew and that's important to me. I'm okay. Or, I will be once Duke is back. I'd like it if the kids could grow up close. I never had cousins or anything, and I know Audrey didn't either."

"We want that too, Mara. And I don't care about 'that woman'. You _are_ my sister. You proved that when you came back and freed me. You did more than save my life, you saved my heart and my sanity. You could have kept all of this a secret, but you acted to keep Nathan from suffering more when you knew he was having a nightmare. You've proven yourself to us. If you can't be his biological mom, be his aunt and his godmother. Our DNA is close enough to be sisters, right?"

"Scientifically? Yeah. Fraternal twins, technically. Not identical because of the alterations to make us look like you."

"Will you be my sister, Mara?"

She studied Audrey's face intently. There was sadness, certainly, but not common guilt or pity. She hurt for Mara, but she was being honest- she wanted to be sisters, she wanted to be family for herself as much as for Mara. "Of course. You need a sister to make sure you stay Audrey. When Duke is home, all of us need to talk and figure out where we are with each other so we can move forward. I do have one thing I want you to consider, if you will."

"What's that?"

Mara looked at Nathan. "When Duke comes home, I don't want your reunion to hurt. I don't want you having that nightmare every night, and I want you to see him as he will be- alive and whole and healthy. I'm not talking about stealing your memories- it's important to remember what we've gone through to get where we are. But I want to take those pictures and put them far away, so you can just appreciate the present, Nathan. I want to bury that memory and the pictures that go to it with the memories from when you were little. I don't want you to be haunted and hurting. He'll be alive and well, and you can't appreciate that if you see those memories every time you look at him."

"You're why I don't remember Max?"

She nodded. "I did what I had to. Garland had been so worried- you didn't speak until you were four. Every time you had a nightmare, he was afraid you'd regress. So I worked around the personality one day. I knew who you were by then, and I didn't want the abuse to change the man I knew you'd go on to be. I could never talk to you or give you anything except the ring I'd already left for you. The only thing I could give you was peace."

The room was silent and nobody moved. Finally, Nathan looked up at Mara with tormented eyes. "Shouldn't I have to remember? How can I do better if I don't remember?"

"I'm not talking about taking away the knowledge. The understanding about how much you love Duke and how much he trusted you, that's the thing that can help drive you. Those pictures, though... watching him die, that can only hurt you and haunt you. Audrey can tell you."

Audrey shot Mara a panicked look, but Mara shook her head. "Too many lies, Audrey."

Nathan wrapped an arm around Audrey and pulled her close, nuzzling her hair. "You know you can tell me anything, but you don't have to if you don't want to."

Audrey grimaced. "When Tommy- or Arla, I guess- killed you, I kind of lost it. I cried over you, telling you I always loved you. It's nothing you don't already know."

"He may know, but it doesn't change the fact that it still hurt you for a very long time. You healed, I know that, but the circumstances were so different. Nathan feels _guilty_. Guilt is poisonous. Nathan, you did right by Duke. You honored his request. Can't you keep the knowledge but let the pain go? Duke loves you. He's always loved you. He gave me a reminder of that before I had to leave the dream. He's not sad. He's excited to come home, and there is more good ahead of us than bad. You don't have to decide right now, but please think about it. I'd rather you appreciate Duke alive than dream about him dying."

As Nathan and Audrey stared at each other, communicating silently, Mara stood to wash her teacup. "No matter what you choose, I am going tomorrow. I'll ask Gloria to help with the medical kit, we should be at the Thinny ready to go by 9. You two are welcome to sleep here since it's so late."

Nathan was still staring at Audrey as he said, "Thanks. We'll stay. And if you can take away the dreams without making me forget the important things... do it. I trust you."

Mara saw Audrey smile at him, and she came up to sit in front of them, taking his hands. "Okay. Thank you. Just relax. You shouldn't feel anything, really. Maybe a little tickle." She allowed herself to connect to the dormant Aether inside Nathan- still present even with his Trouble inactive- and updated it's instructions, adding the image of Duke's death to the list of forbidden memories. Giving Nathan safety for his sleep.

"Okay, Nathan. No more nightmares now. Time to start having sweet dreams. Do you need anything before I try to rest?"

Audrey reached out to squeeze Mara's hand. "No. Go get some sleep. We can get ourselves to bed. Thank you for everything."

"Don't thank me. But this is our last night without Duke. I'll call Gloria as soon as she gets to work. Goodnight. And thank you. I appreciate all your help."

She closed herself up in Duke's room, laying out all the things she'd need for the next morning. When she was done, she settled into his bed, trying to make herself relax.

Tomorrow, alive or dead, she would be with Duke.


	8. The Labyrinth

Mara woke up at 8am exactly, reaching for her medication and phone at the same time.

When Gloria answered, Mara said, "Do you ever get sick of people calling to ask you for stuff? Back when I was here healing people originally, we had no phones. I'd get lines down the street, but phones would have been a pain in the ass."

Gloria laughed. "You planning to make me start drinking this early in the day? I'm never sure if a call from you is going to lead to excitement or tears."

"When I do it right, you get both. Sorry, but I need a favor. I have a list of things I need for a medical kit. I'm going after Duke today. He may be completely healthy and well when he comes through, but in case he has any kind of Void-sickness or injury, I want to be prepared. Can you help me, or do I need to come rob the place?"

"As entertaining as that might be to watch, I can probably get you whatever you need. Tell me what you're after."

Mara read the list off to the doctor as she donned a pair of cotton leggings and a black tank top. Clothes that were comfortable and easy to move in- pretty much all she owned anymore. She didn't want to, but she pulled a cardigan over her arms. The creatures in the Void usually weren't a problem, especially for someone like her- there was nothing in the Void she couldn't kill- but they still looked for weakness in their prey, and she was already slowed down by the pregnancy. Better not to show anything else that might make her a good target. If something did get a little too interested in her, she could use the scars to frighten it off.

"I've got everything, but why oral _and_ injectable tranquilizers?"

"Because at some point he's going to ask what happened and I'll have to tell him about Audrey. And me, for that matter. He's going to be at least as angry as I was, maybe more. I don't want him breaking himself or someone else."

"That's a good call, kid. When will you be here?"

"Within the hour. Nathan and Audrey slept here so we could get moving early. I'll see you soon, okay?"

When she made her way out, Audrey was in the bathroom, James in her spot on the sofa bed. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Hi little man, how'd you sleep?" He put his arms up and Mara lifted him, settling him against her hip. "Oh, you're wet. You want a new diaper?"

Mara changed and dressed James with clothes Audrey had in the diaper bag. "Da!"

"Yup, you're all dry so now you can go after your Daddy. Here you go." She set him back on the sofa bed and watched him pull at Nathan's face. So often Mara had daydreamed about what Nathan would be like with his son. It was even more beautiful than she had imagined- yet it wasn't her son anymore. She couldn't tear her eyes away as Nathan chuckled, pulling the baby against him under the blanket.

"Someone wants me to get up."

She had to clear her throat. "Everyone wants you to get up. Audrey is in the bathroom, getting dressed I think. I dressed James for you. Gloria is packing my kit right now. Once you're ready, we can go pick the kit up and I can go after Duke."

He groaned as he sat up. "You were right when you warned me about the couch. Could you..." Nathan gestured to his neck and Mara shook her head, pressing her hands against Nathan's shoulders and letting the Aether relax his knotted muscles. He groaned loudly just as Audrey was entering the living room and she raised her eyebrows.

"It only sounds obscene. I warned him about sleeping on the couch."

"He doesn't listen to me, either. He's gotten so used to doing what he wants and not feeling it the next day."

Nathan stood and stretched, still dressed from the night before. "I listen. I just don't always do what I'm told."

"Ah, I see. He's acting like Duke in celebration of his homecoming." Mara brushed her hair, but Audrey came up behind her, taking the brush and twisting the strands into a neat braid that fell against Mara's back.

"I think Nathan's bad behavior just stands out more without Duke to draw the attention from it." Audrey kissed his cheek, laughing as he grumbled and went to brush his teeth.

They picked up the medical kit and Gloria wished Mara luck, tears in her eyes. Mara promised to send a message the minute she had Duke home.

She was considering taking the _Rouge_ out to sea just so she wouldn't have to share Duke for awhile once he got home.

Nathan pulled as close to the Thinny as he could, and Mara unloaded her pockets. "I'm leaving everything here except my pouch, so I can refill on orbs. I absorbed everything I had in case I need it ready to use. I don't know how long this will take. I'll try to be quick, but you know how time fluctuates." She slid out of the car and stretched, sliding Nathan's ring onto her right hand.

Audrey stood next to her, fidgeting. "Are you sure you don't want someone to come with you? Either of us would be happy to."

"No. Thank you, but it's important to me that you both stay safe. I know what I'm doing, I've spent time in the Void before. Thank you for all your help."

They all looked like they wanted to speak, so Mara went first, cutting Nathan and Audrey off. "Not goodbye. I'm bringing him home. I'll see you soon. If I take to long and you have to, go home. Just leave my bag under that bush. I love you both."

She ran the few feet to the Thinny, throwing herself in before anyone else could speak.

No matter how many times she traveled it, the Void was always disorienting. So bright it was hard to see, so loud it felt like she was deaf, yet she could hear the whisper of her hair brushing her shoulder.

She managed to stay upright as she landed, giving her legs a moment to adjust. There was nothing around her- only white fog filled with lightning in every direction. She straightened her spine, calling out to the living Aether that surrounded her.

"Bring me to Duke Crocker."

A single orb flew close, brushing across her cheek like a kiss before darting away and back, clearly expecting her to follow.

"Thank you. I appreciate your help." She followed as quickly as she could, feeling the vast space warp and fold around her as she approached her destination. As they got closer, Mara could make out the shape of a doorway and her heart raced, pounding in her ears. There was a large, dark shape to her right and she slowed, staring it down as her eyes flared first purple, then a shining red. She didn't stop moving, but she walked steadily, with purpose. She would not show fear.

The large shape that looked almost like a person in a hooded cloak backed away as Mara passed, and from there it was only a few feet to the doorway. She squinted, focusing her intent as she reached her right hand toward the door. It sparked green light, finally turning blue and opening with the sound of waves. She took a deep breath and stepped out, catching herself expertly as everything seemed to shift sideways.

She was on a beach, the same one she'd seen in her dream. Warm, soft sands stretched out along the shore, no sign or sound of cars or airplanes. Just the sea and the birds and endless peace and tranquility.

Poor Duke must be bored out of his mind.

She turned slowly, spotting a shape lying in the sand a dozen yards away. He was stretched out in the sun, one arm crooked over his eyes. His body was loose in sleep and she walked quietly, wanting to soak up the sight, wanting to see him asleep before she shattered the tranquility with laughter or tears.

Every step showed her something new. He was tan and beautiful, ragged cutoff jeans hanging around his hips. It was hard to tell with him lying down, but his hair looked longer. She sank quietly to her knees and crawled the last few feet, leaning over just a little. "Duke? Duke, wake up."

Mara touched his shoulder gently and Duke startled, his arm flying back against the sand before he froze. "Mara?"

"Missed you."

"Are you really here or is this a dream?"

A soft smile crossed her features and her shoulders relaxed. "I'm really here. I told you I'd come."

He sat up quickly, reaching for her, and she surged forward into his arms, holding him tightly and crying into his neck. "Shh, don't cry, Mara. Everything is okay."

"I know, I know. That's why I'm crying. I thought nothing would ever be okay again."

His mouth was against her ear when he whispered, "You and me both, beautiful."

She took his face in her hands, pulling him close to kiss his lips. Even the pain seemed muted here. Still obvious through her clothes, but not stronger than Duke's presence. Pulling her lips from his, Mara took his hand and pressed it to her belly, staring intently into his eyes. Confusion passed over his eyes until she felt the baby kicking out against his hand and he stared in shock, gaze darting between her belly and her face. "I... what... are you..."

She laughed at his stunned stutter, eyes shining. "I don't think I've ever seen you speechless before. It's kind of adorable."

"A baby?" Duke finally managed. She nodded, still grinning as his mouth opened and closed silently. "Holy shit, why didn't you tell me? Is it even safe for you to be here?"

Mara rolled her eyes. "Thank you for answering your own question, Mr. Crocker. I didn't tell you because I was coming to get your either way, and I wanted to tell you in person. I knew you'd stew about it if you knew ahead of time."

"But you're okay? Oh god, do you know if it's a boy or girl? How long have I been here? I mean, how far are you... how much time do we have?"

She hugged him again, pressing her face to his neck. "I'm almost 27 weeks. A human would have about 13 weeks to go, but for my species I'm full term. Seeing as how it's a Crocker though, there's no telling when. I was in a hurry, I didn't want to risk going into labor without you. Speaking of which, would you very much mind if we headed home? We have people waiting for us, and I don't want them to worry."

Chuckling, he helped Mara up as he stood. "Man, how'd the stooges take it when you showed up pregnant? Did their heads explode?"

They walked down the beach toward the door, and Mara considered her words carefully. "There's been a lot going on, I think everyone has been too busy getting by day-to-day to let their heads explode over me."

"How is Nate? How long have you been home?"

She had to really think about that. "Uh... I guess today is my third day home. Nathan is very, very anxious to see you. He's been hurting so much, you have no idea how much he misses you." She stopped Duke just outside the door, pulling the ring off her finger. "Listen, please. We're about to cross into the Void. Stay with me, don't let go of me. Give me your hand."

He held his hand out and she put her ring on his pinky. "This will keep you safe even if you're not touching me. I'll take us to the other door and then we have to stop again so I can make sure your body stays strong for the crossover. No matter what you see, don't panic, think of anything you see in the Void like a wild animal in the woods. Don't show fear and never, ever run unless I specifically tell you to."

Duke eyed Mara cautiously. "How dangerous is this, exactly?"

"On a scale of one to ten? Only about a 23. Bright smile! We're going home, Duke."

Mara took Duke's hand and tugged him through the door and into the Void, holding him steady when he almost tripped. She paused to look around them, searching for the creature she'd seen before. When she was sure it was clear, she walked steadily and stood as tall as possible.

Every time she looked up at Duke, she felt smaller.

"So, when I saw you earlier, when we... was that a dream? Because I'm fairly certain I would have noticed you were pregnant."

The laugh that came out of Mara's mouth actually startled her. It was her first full, real laugh since she'd been alone with Duke. "It was real, but I was dreaming. That's why I didn't look pregnant."

He mulled that over as they walked, then pulled her to a sudden halt. "Wait. Wait, you were hurt. You told me you were hurt. Tell me what happened." He was still gripping her hand, looking her up and down. He couldn't see much with the sweater on, but his eyes zeroed in on her lower neck, where the raised scar tissue began.

"Not here. We need to stay focused. Come on, keep moving. When we get home, I'll show and tell whatever you want, but this isn't the place for that kind of conversation." She tugged again. "I mean it, Duke. I do not want to go into labor in the Void, this place isn't safe unless you're strong."

Duke sighed and kept moving. "You swear we'll talk about it when we get home?"

"I give you my word, once we're home and I've made sure your health is stable, I will tell you everything." She thought about Audrey, Paige and James, about her bond to Nathan. "Once I have my medical kit."

Mara pulled Duke to a stop. "Okay, the doorway is here. I'm going to use Aether I already absorbed to strengthen your body. Once we're on the other side, I need to do it again, just to lock it down and make sure everything stays perfect."

She pressed her hands to his already shirtless chest, her Intent pushing the Aether through his perfect, beautiful body. Giving the form mass, locking the soul in. She summoned more Aether to her, opening her pouch for the sweet, active orbs to pile in.

"It just comes when you call it?" Duke held out his hand and an orb danced over his palm. He grinned like a kid at the zoo.

"Kind of. I mean, it does when _I_ call it. It likes you, so it will respond to you. If someone it disliked called? No. It's sentient. It sees into people. Are you ready to go home?" Mara wrapped one arm around his waist, keeping her hand splayed on his chest.

"Wait, before we do, tell me- did it work? Did my sacrifice end the Troubles?"

He looked so hopeful and afraid, but she couldn't just lie to him. What had Audrey called it? Creative truth-telling. That would work.

"I promise you, when we cross the threshold, if you punch Nathan he will feel it. But I think you should hug him instead. He's been miserable. Worse than miserable. I finally had to convince him to let me take the pictures and hide them with the memories from his childhood. He has a lot of nightmares."

"Before we go, you and me- we're okay? Are you mad at me? Can you forgive me for not being there when you needed help?" His eyes were sad and imploring, and she hugged him as hard as she could.

"You had no way of knowing, Duke. She fooled me, and I very much doubt she suddenly told you what she actually did with me as soon as I was gone. There's nothing to forgive. Even if you knew I was alive and didn't come, I wouldn't be angry. Don't be scared, Duke. I'm going to take care of you, I won't let anything happen to you. You're not dying again, not on my watch."

Duke nodded and pressed a kiss to her lips, and tightening her grip on his waist, Mara shoved them out the door, unable to keep Duke upright as they both crashed to the ground outside. Ignoring everything else, Mara pushed with the Aether, quickly setting, repairing and healing whatever seemed to call her attention. He was breathing, that was a good sign.

"Nathan, get my bag!" He ran to her side in an instant, dropping to his knees and cradling Duke's head. Audrey was sobbing behind him, and Nathan's tears fell on Duke's face.

"Oh god, is he okay? Is he alive? What can I do?"

"He's alive, go ahead and keep your fingers on his pulse. Tell me if it gets too fast or slow. Just be here for him, Nathan. It's okay. I promised to bring him home." She finished with the Aether, checked to make sure Duke was stable, and said, "Okay, let's get him in the truck. He's safe to transport. I'll work on him in the back while you drive."

With James safely locked into his car seat, they wrestled Duke into the far back and Mara clambered up with him, inserting an IV while he wasn't awake to feel it and taping it to his arm, starting the fluids and broad-spectrum antibiotics to try and ward off illness that he may have lost his resistance to. She held off on the Valium or any other medications until she could see what his physical state was when he was awake.

They got to the _Rouge_ in record time, and Audrey took James in his carseat to unlock the door while Nathan carried Duke and Mara followed with her kit and the IV bag. Nathan took him to his bed, setting him gently on the comforter. Mara hooked the IV bag to the folding pole she had borrowed. "Audrey, there's a metal pan in the fridge with foil on top. Will you please put that in the oven at 325? He's bound to be hungry when he's awake and has his sea legs."

She kicked off her shoes and eased the cardigan off her shoulders and arms. Having Duke here seemed to dull the constant pain, and she found she was able to move a bit more freely. She sat next to Duke, stroking his hair- it really was longer- and whispering to him.

"I can't tell you all the stories you're so curious about if you sleep all day. I know, I know. Coming back to life is tiring, and I'm sorry. But you've got people who would give anything to hear your voice right now. Please, baby. Wake up."

Nathan sat on the edge of the bed by Duke's legs. "Why is he unconscious? Was he awake before?"

Mara reached a hand across to Nathan. "Remember, what he just did, it's like being born. It's exhausting. He's just tired, this is normal sleep. This body is solid, I made damn sure of that. Duke will have some adjustments to make. He's going to have a lot of Aether that his body is reliant on. He'll be like me and Audrey. But yes, he was talking, he asked about you. He's himself and he's healthy. It's okay. Go play with James, hold onto Audrey. She's freaking out, too. I'll call you the minute he's ready for you."

Nathan nodded, leaned to kiss Duke's head and left the room, closing the door behind him. Mara pulled her bag up next to her, took her medication and curled up to face Duke, studying him as he slept. She set a sentinel orb over him just in case, and let her eyes slip closed with her face pressed against his arm.


	9. Reunion

Mara woke about fifteen minutes later, feeling a hand on her face. She opened her eyes and smiled to see Duke looking back a her, his hand still against her face. "I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly," she murmured, trying to shake off the drowsiness, "I was just waiting for you to wake up. You look good and your scans are clean. How do you feel?"

"Tired. All that time on a beach, I thought I'd be all rested up. But I'm exhausted. I feel okay otherwise. My chest feels bruised."

She pushed herself up, checking his temperature. "That's because when we stepped out of the Void we fell, and I landed on you. The size of me, you're lucky I didn't squash you."

He grinned at her. "You look beautiful. I had no idea how sexy a pregnant woman could look. Will you tell me everything now? Please, Mara? I need to know."

"Fine, but if you start getting worked up, I'm giving you a shot to keep you calm. You've been through a lot today, you need to let yourself heal and acclimate."

"I promise I'll be a good patient. Now tell me what happened to you, since I'm assuming that's first."

Her arms were already showing and he didn't look repulsed. She took his hand, lacing her fingers with his. "Momma wasn't trying to join us. She used a teleportation that's not meant to be used on living creatures. It sent me to one of her labs, in Mexico. I was a mess. I found enough Aether in her lab to make myself look presentable and to speed healing to the rest of my body, but the Aether stopped working about a month ago. I stopped healing. This is what I look like now. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You're beautiful. I'm sorry I didn't realize, that I wasn't there to help you."

"No, please don't say that. I'm glad you weren't there, that you didn't have to be there for that."

"Are you in pain?"

"My skin is very sensitive. It seems more manageable with you here. Gloria gave me better pain medication and I've learned a lot of coping skills. I'm okay." She desperately wanted to see if Duke's touch would hurt her, but she was afraid of the answer.

"Can you show me? Show me what happened to you?"

"Duke, you don't need that picture in your head. I'm here in front of you, you can see me just fine."

His eyes looked sad and old. "I need to know, Mara. I need to know what was happening to you when I ran off."

She chewed her lip, staring at him. Finally, she rolled onto her back, reaching for her medical kit and getting the syringe with the Valium. "Do you want the medication first or do you want to see how you do? I'm telling you, it wasn't pretty, but there was nothing you could have done. Not a damn thing."

"If I need the shot after, fine. Just show me."

Sighing, she raised her hand to show Duke the same image she's shared with Audrey- her distorted, black and red body jerking across the floor of the lab, trying to reach the box of Aether. She heard Duke's harsh inhalation, but he didn't gag. She'd take what she could get.

"After I could walk, I started trying to get home. I hitchhiked all the way here."

"You- _you_ hitched across the country? You're tiny! You're probably a serial killer's dream come true! Did anyone hurt you? You tell me who and I'll hunt them down, I swear."

"Ah, death threats. And I thought the age of chivalry had passed. I'm smaller than you're used to, not weaker. Nobody _hurt_ me. A couple clumsy propositions and one guy got a broken nose. It was the families and the religious nuts who were bad. I almost tucked and rolled when one family started singing hymns. Instead I started screaming that it burned my skin and pretended I was possessed." She smiled at the memory. "That was the best one. They tried to exorcise me in the van, and I played along, said all kinds of crazy shit. I figure at least they have a good story. Once they chased the 'demon' away they took me all the way through Utah. They might have driven me all the way to Maine, but I had to get out of there."

"What about the guy with the broken nose?"

"He touched my leg. I don't let other people touch me."

"Because of the pain?"

"Not entirely. Because they aren't you."

"Can I touch you?"

Her heart was pounding like a freight train. "I really wish you would."

Duke reached for her, gathering Mara to his bare chest. As her skin registered his touch, she couldn't help the sob that came from her mouth.

"Am I hurting you?"

Mara wrapped her arms around his back, pressing against his skin. "No, no. Duke, your touch doesn't hurt!" The tears fell like rain, and he was kissing her, every ounce of stress and fear pouring between them until it was cleaned- safe and sparking and full of hope.

"I don't understand," she breathed. "Everything and everyone else but James has hurt me. I don't-"

"Did you say _James_?"

Oh hell. She hadn't meant to say that.

"Yeah. I did. I guess it's time to tell you the rest. I'm giving you the shot now. It won't knock you out, but it will make everything easier to process. Because I know- I _know_ how hard this is, and I felt the same way you will. Just remember it's over and fixed. You're home, Everyone is together." She injected the syringe into the port of his IV, scooting back into his arms and waiting til his face relaxed.

"Okay, Mara. Hit me with your best shot."

"When I crossed the border into Maine, I called the PD. I was trying to get Audrey. Laverne didn't know who I was, obviously, but she told me that Vince and Dave were dead. That you were dead. That Audrey was dead. I was so- I threw up. I was too late and I'd lost everyone because I got stupid.

"After you died, Vince and my father went into the Barn. But the Troubles didn't stop, Duke. So Audrey went too. Nathan was alone for a month before _Paige_ drove into town with her baby son James in the car. They sent her back as someone else, giving Nathan his son but stealing his partner, and they... they rewrote James's DNA. Took me out of him and replaced me with Audrey. I fixed her though, Duke. I fixed her as soon as I possibly could. She's okay."

"You- are you shitting me right now? They took Audrey? What was the point, Mara? What was my sacrifice for? Oh Jesus, I asked Nate to kill me and it solved nothing." She was glad she'd given him the shot. His body was trying to get worked up, but the Valium was doing it's job.

"Duke, I don't think that's ever what it was supposed to be. I think they wanted you out of the way so you didn't screw up their plans. You were the only real line of defense this town and all the Troubled citizens had. You had powers they didn't understand and couldn't make work for them. They wouldn't have been able to use you, no more than the Rev was able to use you. So they tricked you into removing yourself from the equation.

"I worry about Nathan too. It's why I convinced him to let me bury the memory, the vision of killing you. I told you that Gloria gave me the boat and your car. The first night I slept here, when Nathan didn't know I was here yet, he showed up. He was sleeping here. Duke, when he realized who I was, he _hugged_ me. He was happy to see me even before I told him I could bring Audrey back."

Duke held her closer, winding his fingers in her hair. He whined in his throat as he got caught in her braid and she laughed, pulling it over her shoulder to pull the elastic out and pull the strands loose.

"Better." He ran his fingers through her hair, relaxing a little. "He was sleeping here? Why?"

"Same reason I was. To feel close to you. He was having nightmares every night. He tried to scrub the tattoo off when he couldn't get a laser removal place fast enough. The first night I was here, I told him to stay. We slept in your bed, and he held my hand. Can you imagine how hurt he would have to be to be so desperate he would sleep holding my hand?"

Voice hoarse with tears, Duke whispered, "Do you really think so? You don't think he blames me?"

"Oh baby, of course not. He blames himself. To be honest, I understand. You guys were gone, and everything that was left, it all felt like punishment. For me and for Nathan both. They took you, they took Audrey, we lost the Teagues brothers. Momma hurt me enough to keep me out of the way until she could get rid of you because she knew that I wouldn't allow all of this to happen. She took my father from me and made it look like I was dead so he would attack this place. She took me out of James to destroy the only tie between me and Nathan. Giving him to Paige, sending her back like that, it was offensive. He couldn't admit that he was James's father, she could never be his partner and she worked so hard to make herself real. Nathan couldn't just hold her and cry, he was trying to make her comfortable. He had no room to grieve."

"You sound like you understand. You've said a lot about Nathan, but what about you?"

Mara traced shapes over Duke's heart with one finger as they talked. "I do understand, but in a different way. Nathan blamed himself for killing you and for letting Audrey go. I blame myself for being so weak and shallow and _vain_ that I got here late. Six weeks, Duke. I was in that lab for six weeks, teaching myself to walk and fixing my _face_. I should have gotten a wheelchair and left immediately. I hate that Nathan had to suffer like that. Whatever they wanted to do to me, I could bear it, but not the rest of you. When you were gone and I realized James was the only one whose touch didn't hurt me, it was just more obvious. If I have to lose him to give him a chance at life, fine- but not to a fake personality. It's hard enough just having him be Audrey's. I couldn't tolerate calling her Paige, seeing her hair, listening to her parrot the story of when I gave birth to him."

She bit her tongue. "I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be nursing you, not whining at you. How are you feeling?"

Duke rolled on his side to face her, one hand in her hair, the other on her belly. The baby was moving as usual, and a sweet smile was on his face. "Right now? I'm feeling really, really lucky. I hate that I missed out of the rest of the pregnancy, I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you when you got hurt. But you came for me. You loved me enough to bring me back. You helped Audrey and Nathan. After everything that happened, you're so focused on helping us. It makes me feel... loved."

"I do love you. If all the pain of the last few months teaches you just that, all by itself, then it was worth it."

Their lips met, both hesitant and afraid of hurting the other, but soon emotion and need took over, and Duke was pulling away from her neck to pull her shirt off, returning immediately to kiss her damaged skin like she was the most beautiful creature in the world. She was unbuttoning his cutoff shorts as he pulled her leggings and panties off.

It was like magic. As she stretched out against him, the planes of their bodies pressed tightly together, and wherever his skin met hers, there was no pain, only the joy of reunion. She straddled him, admiring the tone of his skin and his long hair against the blankets as she rubbed herself against him, feeling him harden under her, his hushed groans giving her goosebumps. She pressed her hands to his chest, her nails digging slightly into his skin. Duke groaned loudly, and Mara giggled as she shushed him, whispering, "Shh! If they don't think you're sleeping, they'll come looking."

His answering grin was wicked and his teeth shone brilliant white in his tanned face. "Well, we better give them a good show, huh?" Gripping her hips, he lifted her her so that she could sink down around him, and her head fell back with a long moan. When she started moving, his hands stroked up her sides, his long, graceful fingers trailing over the curve of her belly to her breasts, swollen and sensitive from the hormones. When he squeezed, Mara ground down on him, her nails pressing harder into his chest as she rocked against him.

"Duke, I can't- it's been so long and I missed you so much. I don't think I can go slow."

His hands trailed back down to her hips, gripping her as he whispered, "Then don't. I want to see you. You're so fucking beautiful."

His words made her shiver and she responded, rocking and squeezing him as her movement grew more desperate and frenzied. Her hair fell around them and Duke was staring at her, stroking her hair and her body like she was the only woman on the planet, like she was a work of art. It made her want to cry, but her breath was coming faster, the light around them fading as she fought to breathe, leaning forward and biting his chest to muffle her hushed, breathless cry.

Duke growled, wrapping his arms around her and rolling them over, wrestling his IV tubing out of her hair. Mara giggled quietly and Duke focused on her face, thrusting deep and cutting off her laugh. He grinned down at her, his hair hanging into his face, kissing her as he pushed into her again and again, making up for all the nights apart, all the times she should have just said 'I love you' and every foolish missed opportunity.

Mara met every thrust and every kiss with more enthusiasm, adjusting happily to his own desperate, punishing rhythm. His hair brushed her face as he kissed her, smiling triumphantly as she wailed and clenched around him again, leaving long scratches on his shoulders.

Duke changed the rhythm, pushing into her exquisitely slowly, staring intently into her eyes. "I missed you. I missed you every second of every day. I wanted you back and now I'm not letting go. I'm glad you're pregnant. I'm- I'm beyond glad, I'm fucking thrilled. I'm going to make everything up to you."

She brought both hands to his face, squeezing her legs around him. "Nothing to make up. I just want a future with you."

He thrust harder, making her back arch. "You mean that?"

"Of course I do." She caught her breath, nails piercing his skin as he thrust again, eyes on her lips.

"Prove it. Marry me."

Her own question answered. No, he would never stop surprising her. He hit a particularly sweet spot and her back arched again while she gasped his name. "Are you serious?"

He tilted his hips, changing the angle as he pushed forward. "Completely serious. Prove you want me. Make it official."

"Yes, yes, anything you want, Duke. As long as you're with me, I'm yours."

His grin was breathtaking and he nuzzled his face against her throat, nibbling her neck as he made love to her, her entire body shaking with his thrusts. She bit his lips when he kissed her and his deep, throaty moans picked up, making her tighten harder around him. She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling his face close so she could kiss him harder, legs tightening and hips raising as she keened into his arm at the sound of him gasping and moaning her name.

Her eyes slipped closed and her muscles relaxed as the warmth of him seeped through her. He kissed her languorously as he pulled out and lay next to her, gathering her into his arms as he wrestled with his IV line again. They just lay sprawled together for several minutes, catching their breath.

"I feel like I'm dreaming," Duke whispered, staring at the ceiling.

"Hmm. You're not that creative."

"You're not kidding. I can't believe we're going to have a kid."

"Do you have any idea how many people are rolling in their graves right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"The last Crocker breeding with the 'Creator of the Troubles'. Imagine what the Rev and Simon would say."

He tilted his head and a wide smile crossed his face as he though about it. "Double bonus."

Mara laughed. "Audrey and Nathan want to see you. I'm surprised they've waited this long. I had to chase Nathan away from the bedside. And I swore I would tell Gloria as soon as you were safe. Oh, and I have food for you. Made you dinner."

"Alright, alright. Do we get more naked time later?"

"As much as you want." She kissed Duke's chest and stood, pulling on her pirate boxers and satin chemise before turning to brush her hair. "How are you feeling? You want to keep the IV for awhile?"

"I feel great. Unhook me, doc."

She smiled as she untaped and removed the needle from his arm. "Settling the natives and then shower?"

He perked up at that. "A shower sounds amazing. I feel all sandy."

Mara grinned. "That's because you _are_ all sandy. I'll brush off the bed and vacuum, make sure it didn't get in the sheets. You want to see them first? Then you can shower and your dinner should be ready."

"Damn, woman. You're spoiling me."

She threw him the satin robe she'd been wearing and he just stared at her, dumbfounded. "Get dressed, Duke."

"I am not wearing your robe."

She rolled her eyes at him. "It's not my robe, I stole it from your closet."

He held it up to look at it and blushed. "Oh. Right. I picked this up in Asia."

"And I'm sure you look very, very pretty in it. Get dressed."

"Wait, you want me to wear this to see Audrey and Nate?"

"No need to get a whole new outfit dirty when you're just going to shower before dinner."

Duke glared at her and Mara smiled innocently. He finally raised his chin. "You just think I won't do it. Fine." He stood up, head high as he slipped the black robe on, the gold flowers standing out proudly.

She grinned again. "You do look pretty."

"Yes, yes I do."

"Now lay down. You get to visit, but you need to rest."

"That's not what you were saying ten minutes ago."

"You were horizontal the entire time."

"You're really, really hard to argue with."

She leaned down to kiss him. "Then don't try. I'll get you a drink and let the others know they can come in."

Mara was still smiling brightly when she came into the living room. "He's awake, up to speed and ready for visitors. I'm just going to grab him a drink." She got Duke a bottle of maple water, finally noticing that Audrey was staring at her. "What? What's that look for?"

"He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

"How did you know?"

"I can just tell. I'm happy for you."

"I'm happy too. Come, bring the baby. He's excited to see you, Audrey."

Nathan beat them in, rushing toward the bed where Duke was sitting up and wrapping his arms around Duke, squeezing too hard even with his feeling back. He was breathing hard, hands shaking and tears rolled down Duke's neck from Nathan's eyes. Nathan just held Duke for several minutes, not moving or speaking, just holding each other while Nathan cried.

"Hey, Nate, it's okay. Everything is okay."

"But it wasn't. Oh god, I was sure it would never be okay again. I'm sorry, Duke. I'm so sorry. I messed up so bad, and you were just gone. Everyone was gone." Nathan sounded so heartbroken, Duke gazed up at Mara in shock as he returned Nathan's hug.

"You did what I asked you to do. I begged you, Nate. I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry it didn't change anything. I wanted things to be better for you. I had no idea Audrey would still..."

"None of us did, Duke. Nothing happened the way it was supposed to. All I could do was watch her walk away and I thought it would kill me. The days passed without you and then this car breaks down, Duke, and it was _her_. But It wasn't her. She didn't know me. Didn't know you. She was a teacher and it was so... she acted like her and she talked like her, said the same things even, and it was so wrong. But there was nobody to talk to about it. I worked so hard to chase you away and then you were gone and all I wanted was to have you back."

"Nate, stop. I'm not mad, I'm the one who asked you for help. You helped me, you saved me."

Nathan took a rattling breath, sitting back but keeping one hand around the back of Duke's neck, the other on his shoulder. "You say I saved you, but Duke, I've seen it both ways, and I just... I don't want to live in a world without you. I'm sorry I never told you how much I appreciate you. I was wrong and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about everything. I should have listened to you before, too. You were right. She would have helped Audrey. I could have saved us all so much." He looked stunned and sick as a thought hit him. "If I had asked you to heal Audrey, you never would have tried the whole 'joining'. She couldn't have dispersed you, Mara. I'm the reason you're hurt."

Mara moved closer as Audrey squeezed in to hug Duke. "No, Nathan. Stop that. The only one who's to blame for hurting me is my mother. I know you didn't like me, but you would never have hurt me like that and I know it. I knew it then! I knew it was safe to needle you and irritate you, that you wouldn't hurt me. I knew that even when I was tormenting you. Don't even try taking the blame for what happened to me.

"Nathan, you and I keep finding ourselves in these different roles. Lovers as Sarah, adversaries when I first came forward. We've worked together a little, but we usually seem to work against each other. I know that personally, I would like to try being your friend. Maybe even your sister if you want to go that far. Let's learn how to work together in a healthy way. We already know we're great at tearing each other down. Let's see how we do at boosting each other up."

His jaw was tight, fighting tears, and his nose was red but he said, "Do you mean that?"

She huffed a laugh. "I can't really lie to you, can I?"

Nathan chuckled too, wiping his eyes. "We haven't really tested that. Maybe it's me that can't lie to you."

"A girl can dream. How would you test that, though? Tell one true secret and one lie and see if we can tell?"

Duke looked at Audrey curiously, but she grinned and held up a finger, one arm still around Duke. Nathan and Mara quietly sized each other up, forgetting their audience. Nathan said, "I use women's shampoo and I secretly like the BeeGee's."

Mara scoffed. "I already know you use Audrey's shampoo and you like Elton John. Not the BeeGee's. Do something I don't know."

Nathan furrowed his brow, thinking. "I have never lost at cards to Duke and I know it was your choice not to kill me after you shot me, not Audrey's."

She froze, staring at him with narrowed eyes. "I know you've lost at cards to Duke. Everyone has, because he cheats. When did you realize it was me?"

Duke cleared his throat. "Mara, he's never lost to me. The few times he's agreed to play, I've always agreed to play fair."

Oh hell. She's gotten the answer wrong and now they knew a secret.

"It really was your choice?" Nathan's voice was stunned.

"Yeah, it was." She looked at her fingernails like they were fascinating. "Audrey was still asleep for that. But you're no good at this. How about... I love your Bronco and I think your eyes are your best feature?"

His head tilted. "What's my best feature, then?"

Mara sighed, shaking her head. "I knew I wasn't going to be lucky enough to magically tell when Nathan was lying."

"You haven't answered me." Nathan pointed out.

Rolling her eyes, Mara pouted and shifted uncomfortably. "Your smile. Sometimes your eyes are very sad, but your smile is contagious. So! We've answered that question, so I reiterate that I want to be working with you, not against you, and you'd know if I was lying."

A smile continued to grow on Nathan's face when Duke said, "Wait a minute, why can Mara suddenly not lie to Nathan?"

"Right. You missed that part. It's my own fault. I told you, I lost it when I found everything out, I was furious and sad and scared. You dead and Audrey replaced, and then I found out about James... I was hurting, I was angry and heartbroken that they'd even taken my son, the one thing that connected me to Nathan. I was grieving and I was lonely. Somehow, the feelings that had connected me to Nathan and my son, once that child didn't really exist anymore they rewired themselves. It created a one-sided bond between me and Nathan. You hit him, you hit me. You shoot him, you shoot me."

Duke was pale. "Oh man. I'm really glad you told me before I actually hit Nate for something! Don't look so embarrassed, Mara. It doesn't bother me. I mean, I wish Nathan wasn't such a danger magnet, but I'm not mad or anything. Why is the bond one-sided?"

"Because it was my own, unrequited feelings that forged the bond in the first place. Nathan didn't have those feelings for me so there was nothing to forge a bond, no reason to." Nathan reached out to stroke Mara's hair and she smiled back at him. "At least now we'll know when Nathan is in trouble. We'll shut up so you can talk to Audrey."

Duke tucked Audrey's hair behind her ears. "You went into the Barn."

She was gazing at Duke. "You died. The Troubles didn't stop. So to me, the only way to make your sacrifice worthwhile was to finish what we started. Stop the Troubles."

"I get it, I do. Doesn't mean I like it." He wrapped his arms around her again, and Audrey hugged him around the neck.

"I have something for you, Duke." She reached under her shirt, pulling the necklace out. "I gave this to Nathan before I went into the Barn. He gave it back to me, and now I'm putting it back where it belongs." She slid the chain over Duke's head, the whistle resting in it's spot against his chest.

"Thank you, Audrey. No more running. No giving up or sacrificing. Obviously it doesn't work. So let's not do it anymore."

Audrey laughed through her tears, hugging Duke tightly again. "You got it."

Mara snuck back out to the kitchen, grabbing her phone to call Gloria.

"Mara! Did you go? I've been so anxious all day, but I didn't want to interrupt. What happened?"

Mara removed the foil from the tray in the oven so the top could brown. "He's home, Gloria. He's healthy and well, just very tired. He's talking to Nathan and Audrey, but then he needs to shower and eat a real dinner. I promised I'd bring him home. Promises are serious."

Gloria stopped the tears long enough to hiccup, "Thank you so much. Every day felt like a year. Outliving my sons, it's the worst thing I've ever... you're sure he's okay? Did you need to use the kit?"

"I ran an IV, gave him the antibiotics and I did force the Valium on him. It was a good choice, he was very, very worked up. But he looks wonderful. Healthy and tan and his hair is all grown out. He's perfect."

"When will he be ready for company?"

Gloria's desperation was palpable and Mara didn't have the heart to make her wait. "I'm sure we would all like it if you joined us for dinner. Come by in about an hour? That'll give him time to shower."

"Is there anything I can bring? Does Duke need any other medications? Do you? Do you have enough of the pain medication?"

"The bottle you gave me is huge. I have enough for at least a couple of weeks, but thank you. Duke seems to be well controlled with the things we already have, so just you, I think."

"Thank you, angel. Thank you for everything."

"We'll see you soon." Mara hung up before she could get teary.


	10. Welcome Home

Mara went back to the bedroom and straight to Duke's side, resting her hand in his hair. As tiny as she was, she still looked serious and imposing. "It's time to get Duke into the shower so he can get dressed. Gloria is coming for dinner." Her voice gentled as she said, "She's crying, but they're finally happy tears. Audrey, you can say no, but would you mind running the vacuum in here, especially over the bed? Duke was- is- still all covered in sand. I don't want it in the bed. If it's already gotten into the sheets, just leave it and I'll change the bed and wash these sheets."

"I'd be happy to. Thank you for letting me do _something_. You've done so much and I haven't-hell, I don't think I even _can_ thank you properly." Mara smiled, her face beautiful and sweet without anger or fear in it.

"I don't need thanks, Audrey. I _wanted_ to save you, all of you. I hate that you suffered so much because of me, but no more. No running or hiding. No lies. I'm going to prove myself to you, I'm going to let you in because I trust you and I love you. I never hated you, Audrey, you're my sister now and I love you. I love you too, Nathan. We have the chance to honestly start over. I want that. I want us to be a family."

They smiled at each other and Mara pressed her hand to Audrey's cheek. Without another word, Mara pulled out some pajama pants and a t-shirt for Duke, coming back to take his hand. "Come on, Crocker, up you get. Let's get you showered and dressed, okay? I made you something special for dinner."

Audrey went to get the vacuum while Duke got up and when Mara looked, Nathan had a blissful smile on his face as he stared at Duke, truly relaxing for the first time since everything had gone to hell. Seeing Duke in that silly robe finally proved to Nathan that Duke was indeed back to stay. Mara patted his arm, smiling and nodding as she brought Duke to the bathroom.

She slid the boxers and chemise off, folding them neatly by the sink before untying Duke's belt and pulling the robe off him to throw it in the hamper. He watched her as she started the water, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes as she fiddled with the temperature for several minutes.

"Mara, what's up? Is the shower acting up?"

She blushed. "It's fine, it's just something I have to do now. This will work though, come on, I want to wash you."

He stepped in and when the spray was hitting him and blocking most of it from her, Mara climbed in behind him. She took the hand sprayer out of the cradle while Duke let the regular shower head pour over him and she wet his hair, putting the sprayer back as she poured shampoo into her hands, massaging it into Duke's hair and gently scrubbing his scalp with her nails. He groaned low in his chest, giving her goosebumps. She grabbed the sprayer to rinse his hair and shampooed again, careful to scrub all the sand out and working conditioner through the long tresses and into his scalp with small, strong fingers.

"God that feels good. I feel like my bones are melting."

Mara pressed a kiss to his arm, laughing quietly. She wet his loofah, gently scrubbing him- his neck, shoulders, back... she ran her slick, soapy hand over his ass, squeezing. Duke grinned, opening one eye to look down at her . He wiggled his eyebrows and she laughed. "I'm getting you clean right now. You can give me that look in a few minutes."

She washed his chest, arms, legs and even behind his ears before she rinsed the loofah, putting it away as the water cascaded over him, rinsing the soap away. She poured his body wash into her hands, rubbing them together before she wrapped her hand around him, washing him and teasing him at the same time.

His head fell back and he groaned, the sound making Mara jumpy and full of crazed excitement. He was home, he was alive and he _wanted_ her. He loved her.

She rinsed him with the sprayer, lowering slowly to her knees while his eyes were closed, and she leaned forward, wrapping her mouth around him. He was already half-hard from her washing, and when her lips closed around him he swore, hands tangling in her hair as she grasped his hips, feeling him grow large and rigid in her mouth.

She hummed happily, sucking and swirling her tongue around the head each time she pulled back. He was panting, a wild growl that sounded like the purring of a lion rumbling through his throat. She pushed to take as much of him in as she could, her fingers squeezing and rubbing his hips, and she gently scraped her teeth against him, making him jerk and groan.

"Mara, I can't- fuck that feels so good. But I want to be inside you right now. We've got our whole life for games."

She took his hands to pull herself back up, rubbing her lips against his chest in a kiss. "Anything you want, baby."

"Will it hurt you if I pick you up?"

"Your touch doesn't hurt me." She pressed close, wrapping her arms around Duke's neck and he lifted her so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Breathing hard, he turned her back to the wall, keeping one hand behind her to keep her skin from brushing the wall and he pushed into her, moaning as she surrounded him. She gasped against his lips and kissed him hard, one hand gripping his hair.

"I missed you so much. You feel so good." He thrust up into her, the primal sound of his moans surrounding her, searing into her brain.

"You won't hurt me, Duke. You're the only thing that makes it better. You don't have to be gentle." She nuzzled her face against his throat, first sucking and then biting, and his response was instantaneous. He picked up speed, thrusting harder as her legs squeezed him, her fingers pressing into his neck and massaging all the tension away as she panted, tightening and squeezing around him.

His need took over and he was everywhere- around and inside her, driving into her and when he looked at her, Mara felt beautiful and powerful.

She continued to kiss his neck and face, tracing his skin, reveling in the feeling of him loving her, touching her without fear or shame, not controlled by his affliction. As he thrust, her breathing stuttered and then stopped completely, the orgasm tearing through her, the scream in her throat coming out as a hushed moan as she pulsed around him. His breath rasped in her ear and she hear the small stutter, the urgent inhalation and she squeezed around him, his body trembling as he thrust erratically, groaning her name as he came.

Panting, she rested her head on his shoulder and they stayed locked together for several moments while their breathing slowed. When he started to soften, he pulled out and she unclamped her legs as he lowered her until her feet touched the the bottom of the tub. She moved her arms to wrap around his middle, still holding him tightly.

"You're amazing," she murmured, "you're brilliant and resourceful and beautiful. I love you."

She could feel his smile as he kissed her hair. "I love you, too. And you're all of the things you just said."

She chuckled and looked up to meet his eyes, letting hers flare bright, shining violet for a moment as her voice dropped to a threatening growl. "That being said, if you ever leave me again, if you ever give up on life? I will hunt you down, bring you back again and I will make you _pay_. It's not just you anymore. I need you and this child deserves to know his father. Swear to me, Duke. Swear you won't leave me."

He leaned to kiss her lips. "You said you'd marry me. So I guess when you order me around I have to listen, right?"

Her eyes faded to normal and she smiled, laughing quietly. "You're a quick learner, Crocker."

"I want to wash your hair."

She didn't have time to stop him as he turned to move her under the water, and she screeched, scrambling to hold on to him and get away from the spray.

"Fuck, Mara, what happened? Are you okay?"

She shook, gasping. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just need to adjust a few things. Turn the spray down to the lowest setting and cool the water a few degrees, please."

His brow was lined in concern but he did as he was asked. She reached out a hand to test the water and took a deep breath, clutching his arm as she forced herself under the water. She still jerked and grimaced, but she was quiet and her breathing evened out.

"I'm sorry," she said, "it's just my skin. Too hot or cold, too strong and I can't take it. It's not really any different than Nathan and his shower thermometer. You can touch me though, any way you like. You don't hurt me. I don't know why- you and James are the only things that don't hurt me." She handed him the shampoo. "Did I freak you out too much or do you want to still wash my hair?"

Duke's voice was rough. "Don't be sorry. I'll learn. Of course I still want to wash your hair. Come here."

Relieved, Mara pressed against Duke, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back as his nimble fingers soaped and rinsed every strand, rubbing the conditioner into her hair.

Not needing to be asked, Duke squirted body wash into his hands and rubbed them against her skin. The feeling of being cleaned without constant agony was so delightful, such a relief that tears fell from Mara's eyes to mingle with the water.

Hands slick with soap slid over Mara's belly. "My god, that's our kid. You- I did hear you say you're full term, right? So that means she could come any time?" He smiled with childlike delight as kicks and rolls shot out against his hands.

"For my species, yes, I'm full term. But I don't know how your genes will affect time. Could be five minutes, could be weeks. I've never ever done a scan because I wanted you there for everything."

He kept one hand on her belly as he continued to wash her with the other. "So, when you do a scan, is that something I can see?"

"I can make it show up over my hand, same as I do with memories." She hummed happily as his hand roamed over her, pooling the water to help rinse the soap off without hurting her.

"Tonight, after we get rid of everyone, can we look?"

Mara smiled, closing her eyes in bliss. His first day back to life and the only thing he'd truly asked for was to see their child. It made her chest feel tight. "Of course. I would love that."

Both clean, they kissed lazily for several moments before Mara pulled back. "I promised to let people see you. But oh gods, have I ever thought about taking the boat out to sea so I can have you to myself."

Duke grinned at her as he turned the water off. "I think that sounds like a great idea. As soon as we have a few days, we're going to do that. Take off and forget the rest of the world."

Mara wrapped her hair in a towel on her head before she grabbed another, slowly, meticulously drying Duke. She took the opportunity to check him everywhere for any kind of injuries or marks she hadn't seen, but he was perfect. The only difference appeared when she was drying his left arm.

She stared in utter shock as she saw a birthmark that she _knew_ hadn't been there before. A perfect, small handprint, black with a faint golden-red outline that looked like it could have been part of his tattoo.

The sound that left her was half laugh, half sob. "What, what'd I miss, are you okay, Mara?"

She pressed her finger to his skin next to the tiny handprint.

"What the... that wasn't there before. Did you do that?"

She shook her head. "If I did, it wasn't intentional. But look." She twisted her body and pointed to her left hip. Visible even through the scarring was a coffee-colored birthmark in the shape of a hand, the exact size and shape as the one on his arm, though his looked more like an Aether-handprint. "I was born with this."

Duke traced her birthmark, smiling. "Must be a sign. We belong together."

She hugged him, pressing a kiss over his heart. "You're right. There's still magic in the world after all. I had stopped believing, but you're here and you want me. You're proof that there's something bigger than us."

She wiped her eyes and finished drying him, and he hesitantly asked, "Will you teach me to dry you off without hurting you?"

Mara cocked her head, looking into his eyes. "Sure. Here." She handed him the towel. "Just blot. Don't rub."

He carefully covered every inch of skin, tenderly drying each drop and leaving kisses every few inches. When she didn't flinch or cry out, he smiled proudly. She grinned back at him, pressing a kiss to his lips before she bent to unwind the towel from her hair, giving it a quick drying before she rubbed the towel against his hair, rubbing until it was just damp. "Can I comb your hair? I have _always_ wanted to play with your hair."

"Really? You have? Sure, go for it. But I get to comb yours after."

She grabbed the comb and focused on making sure there were no knots without pulling, and he said, "I never got to tell you this, but I really love long hair on women. I love your hair like this."

"Well, then I guess I can tell you I'd been really wishing you'd grow your hair out again. I always wanted to run my fingers through your hair, but by the time I could, you'd cut it all off. There you go, all combed." She handed him the comb and he turned her away from him, working on her hair.

"I didn't know that. I'm glad it grew while I was gone, then."

"I've always wanted to pull your hair while we made love." Her voice was a hushed murmur and she heard his breath catch.

"That's something else for us to look forward when we get our visitors off our boat."

She laughed as he finished combing, leaving her hair loose. She handed him his clothes and pulled her boxers and chemise back on. "It is your boat again. I have the deed and the title to your car in the safe you told me about. Oh, and some of my money. They're helping me get ID so I can open a bank account, so right now I have an envelope of cash and a cashiers check that either needs to go to one of the bigger cities to cash or go into a bank account."

Duke looked confused. "How much is it? And where did you get money?"

"I'll show you the check when we go out there. Dave helped me- every lifetime, in the hopes that I'd find a way to come back, I left myself a little something. Mementos, money, letters, journals. When I was here as Sarah, Vince and Dave got me this lovely wooden chest, and when I knew I had to go I put everything I had worth keeping in it. Savings bonds, gold, silver, pictures and letters. Then when I was Lucy, instead of making another box, we just added to the old one. It looks like every couple of years they added things. More money, certainly, and pictures, but I haven't gone through everything, so there could be other things."

She went on her toes and stretched to kiss him, taking his hand to lead him out. "The height difference really stands out more when I'm with you."

"I can't believe you're only 4'11."

"Let's just call it 5'0 around other people, huh?"

They had just come out of the bathroom when Gloria appeared out of nowhere, grabbing Duke in a death grip and crying her eyes out.

"Oh, my boy, I can't believe it. I trusted her, and I knew she wasn't lying when she called, but seeing you- I can't believe you're here. Never again, Duke Crocker! Do you hear me? Don't you ever put me through that again."

Duke held Gloria while she cried herself out, giving Mara a panicked look as he patted Gloria's back. She smiled and shrugged, mouthing, 'I told you' as she headed to finish making dinner.

"Gloria, it's okay. I'm fine. Totally healthy. See, I've got this amazing woman who can _bring people back to life_. Oh! I get why you were laughing now, Mara!" He broke into laughter himself and the others looked at him like he was crazy while Mara giggled as she pulled out plates.

"I still just can't believe she did it. She brought you home. I missed you so much, I've never been so glad to see someone in my life."

"I missed you too, Gloria. I've got to get something from my room real quick, get comfortable, I'll be right back."

They joined Mara around the kitchen as she finished tossing a salad and pulling the pan out of the oven.

"Little girl, I don't know what to think sometimes. In three days you've brought back Audrey, brought Duke back to life, and you're standing in the kitchen making dinner for everyone, and you're _pregnant_. How can a girl your size be responsible for... well, all of this. For Haven?"

Mara smiled, shrugging. "I try to help. It gets screwed up sometimes, but I do try. Thankfully body size isn't related to Intent. I'm only 'special' because I was born different."

"Not the only thing that makes you special, Mara. Not even the main thing." Nathan spoke in a matter-of-fact tone that made Mara blush.

"Audrey, I know you're nursing James, but does he like much table food yet? I have berries I can cut in small bites for him so he can eat with us, if he can have them."

Audrey bounced James in her arms. "Berries! Did you hear that? Yes, that would be great, Mara. Can I do anything to help?"

"If you could just make sure everyone has something to drink, I would appreciate it. There's a pitcher of iced tea and several bottles of water in the fridge." Mara pulled the berries down, quickly cutting them into pieces small enough not to choke a baby and mixing them in a bowl. Nathan set the small table and pulled over an extra chair, and Mara just had everything prepared when Duke came out, hand behind his back and a smile on his face.

"Good timing, dinner is ready." Mara put the pan on the table with the salad, putting the bowl of berries between Audrey and Nathan's plates. She directed everyone to a seat, but stopped when she realized Duke hadn't moved, just smiling at her. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"Nope. You're missing something. Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

Curious, Mara followed directions, and after a moment Duke took her left hand, sliding a ring onto her finger.

Her eyes snapped open and she stared in shocked silence. Not only did the ring fit her perfectly, it was _beautiful_. Sapphires, aquamarine and bluish diamonds circled the white gold band, a large princess-cut diamond nestled in the middle. The colors reminded her of the ocean and the silver color of Dukes Aether-eyes.

"Duke, this is... it's beautiful. Where did you get this?"

"I bought it years ago in a little shop in Barcelona. I wasn't even sure why, but I knew I had to have it. When you said yes, I understood that I'd just been waiting for you. It fits. That's gotta be another sign, don't you think?"

Mara wrapped her arms around Duke, wiping her eyes against his shirt so nobody would see her cry.

"Wait, wait." Audrey sounded excited. "Said yes? Are you guys saying what I think you're saying?"

Mara blushed brightly and Duke beamed at them. "If you think I asked her to marry me and she said yes, then yes, we're saying what you think we're saying."

Audrey squealed and hugged Duke with one arm, James on her hip, then took Mara's hand and kissed her cheek before admiring the ring. Nathan hugged Duke as well, thumping him on the back. "Be good to her. You were right the whole time. I should have listened. She was everything you said. I was an ass and I'm sorry. I'm really, really happy for you." He took Mara's hands and brought them to his lips. "Thank you. Especially for forgiving me. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Nathan, and I already told you there was nothing to forgive."

"Okay, let me through." Gloria scooted in and took one of Duke's hands and one of Mara's, studying the ring. "Beautiful ring for a beautiful girl. I only have to say one thing, because I think you both learned the rest already. It's about damned time."

They laughed and Mara herded them to the table before dinner could get cold.

They chatted as they ate the mushroom lasagna with white sauce, which even Duke raved over, and as they were eating, Audrey said, "I've noticed several times you've seemed to understand what James is... saying? Is he actually talking, and how can you tell?"

Mara was trying to get used to eating again, but it wasn't as easy as it should have been. She was grateful to have an excuse to talk instead. "Yes, he's actually talking. Part of the way I can tell is by cheating- the Aether inside him says the words or plays the image he's trying to convey as he speaks. If we fix you, you'll be able to do that naturally. But a lot of it is about his reactions. He doesn't speak aloud unless he thinks it's important."

She took a sip of her drink. "Right after we brought you back, for instance; the baby had just done a big roll and bumped his leg. When James felt that, he realized I was pregnant and said 'baby'. It came out more like 'ba', but he's still so young. Talking without teeth isn't as easy as you'd think. James is special. Gifted."

"What do you mean fix me?" Audrey honed in on those words and Mara could clearly see she wouldn't rest until she knew _exactly_ what that meant.

At the exact same moment, "How do you know what it's like to talk without teeth?" Duke asked, looking bewildered. His hair was falling in his face and she'd never seen anything so beautiful in her life.

Mara held her hands up. "Whoa, whoa. Calm down. One of those answers is mostly polite dinner conversation, the other answer is not, so Duke, we'll discuss it later."

She eyed Audrey thoughtfully, trying not to sound offensive. "When my mother dispersed me, she was able to funnel a small amount of my Aether straight into your body. It's what's kept you healthy since I was sent away. It won't last forever though, and if you want to stay exactly the way you are, I'll have to give you regular infusions. I don't mind doing that.

"That being said, she wasn't trying to join us, she was trying to send me away and sideline me long enough that I couldn't stop what she was going to do here but if I lived, I could still be useful later. Did you stop to wonder why she even _had_ a 'kill all the Troubled people' button? For what possible reason would she have the knowledge or reason to know anything about such a thing? It was for her experiment, but that's a tangent.

"She couldn't give you all my Aether. I doubt she could if she wanted to. So you have way, way less Aether in your body than you're supposed to. Not enough to actually bind to your cells and it can't just replicate itself inside a body, so your burn through it. If you were fixed, filling you with the actual amount you need and letting it choose to bind to your cells, it would make you like you were when we were together."

Mara picked up her fork and played with her food, taking a small bite when she realized Duke was watching her.

Audrey frowned. "How much am I supposed to have and how much do I actually have?"

"You're an offshoot of me, so you should be what I am. 80% Aether. The body you're in has about 7%, half as much as William. And you do burn through it since it's not bonded."

"When you talk about being like when we were together do you mean... everything?"

"I mean you'd be who you are now, not reliant on me, but you'd have full access to our abilities. You would be stronger, the way we were before the split."

Audrey's eyes were wide and she sounded shocked and relieved. "Oh my god, it's not my imagination! I couldn't understand why I was feeling so weak and hopeless. It was more than just the depression, I even told Nathan that I felt wrong, more than just being sick. You can fix that?"

Mara nodded. "You are technically weaker than you were. And I can fix it, and will if you want me to. But you'd have to let me use the Aether on you. Bright side, you'll also be immune again."

Nathan's voice was slightly panicked as his head snapped up. "Why would she need to be Immune again? The Troubles are gone."

She could feel his panic, hear his pulse race as his eyes darted to James. She knew how he would take this.

"Nathan, the Troubles aren't gone or cured. They're temporarily dormant."


	11. Who We Are

Noise erupted as they all spoke at once and Mara only caught bits of each tirade. She heard so many words. Barn, Sacrifice, Vince, Gone, Alone, Dead, Lost you and dozens more. Words that seemed to have no connection yet in this case all meant the same thing.

_"Why?"_

Putting her fork down, Mara sat back and rubbed her belly. "My mother never knew how to cure Troubles. She wasn't even thinking in the right vicinity at all. The kill switch that is the Barn is nothing but a 'restart' button on the experiment that is Haven. She wanted to find the cure, but not for you guys. She just wanted to be able to have a concrete resolution for her project.

"I figured the cure out over 300 years ago. It was never about the Troubles, those were just a side effect. Everything was about the Aether. The Aether carried the Troubles, it's what handles the programming that helps several people here. Some gifts were never twisted and there are several families in town who have no idea they're 'Troubled'. Those ones are the ones who never had their gifts altered. Done correctly, that's the way any gift should work.

"The cure rested on finding a way to create a way to remove Aether from a person. I lacked resources here- no lab equipment like back home- but none of the herbal or mineral compounds I created, nothing had any effect. The only way to remove Aether from a person is to have Aether do the job. I began the process when I created the Crocker Trouble."

She sighed, playing with her hair. "He was a volunteer. I never gave an unwilling person a gift, _ever_. People came to me begging for help. I wasn't here to torture people. I just wanted a safe place and to have a life where I could take care of people. I wanted to be safe and away from my mother.

"I did _ask_ for a volunteer, though. I made the request myself once I understood what the cure was. But the cure took generations and the catalyst was an accident. A woman who came here accidentally." She realized she'd gotten dangerously close to revealing information that belonged solely to Duke and focused, pushing to steer the conversation back on track.

"Anyway, the point is that my mother never, ever got close to finding a cure for the Troubles. One of the main reasons I was brought into the Barn, with the cycles and lives, was because she needed a stall. Troubles were changing and mutating as families with different Troubles started marrying each other. Left unchecked, the Troubles could go severely out of control, possibly destroying the whole town and making the experiment a failure. I was put here when the Troubles become active because she's using my own nature against me. I already lived here and she knew I wouldn't sit back and let people suffer and die when I could help. The personalities were just ways to keep me from knowing too much, if I wasn't carrying the information I couldn't work the problem.

"She followed me here, and threatened to do things to me to force William to turn my gifts into Troubles and then used me to stall for time. I'd have stayed anyway, but as myself with access to my abilities and time to crack the problem, I would wreck everything for her. So yes, the Troubles will come back. I don't know how long the cycles are now, but she never knew how to remove Troubles."

Everyone looked stunned, but she could _feel_ Nathan. His utter terror, the way his chest felt like it was imploding when he thought of his children being afflicted.

"Whoa, whoa, stop! Everyone stop assuming things! No, she never knew how to cure Troubles, but didn't you hear me? _I do_. Yes, it's taken a long time and I'm sorry. I'm one person working without help, tools and I've been a prisoner for hundreds of years. But Nathan, calm down. James will be fine. She took me out, but my mother couldn't remove the Aether from James. He's immune because she used the same boy, just took out the DNA, the 'person' aspects of me and replaced them. And I do know how to remove Aether from a body now."

Duke's hand rested on her leg and she smiled as her eyes slipped closed. Being able to feel really was something people took for granted.

"How, Mara?" He continued to stroke her leg as he spoke.

"You, Duke. You're not a creator of Troubles or a Trouble factory. You're gifted, but you've had so much malprogrammed Aether in your family line that all of that needed to purge- not just the big blowup, which I did catch part of and I heard about what sounds like everything else when I was out shopping, but all of it. I believe that's why you went to the Void. There was still so much unprocessed Aether in you, it brought you to where the Aether comes from. The only Aether in you now is your own. You can remove Troubles correctly now, without taking a life. Then I can take the Aether and make it dormant.

"But with _her_ gone, some people would be better off just having their original gifts fixed, and I can do that." She sipped her tea calmly while they all processed that. She found she rather enjoyed her next bite of food.

So, apparently she did like causing trouble, a little bit. Mara deserved some fun, too.

After what felt like an eternity, Audrey's voice washed through the silent room.

"Fix me."

Mara nodded, understanding. Audrey wasn't really any different than Mara. She wanted to help people, and she needed to have the tools to help them in the best way possible. If that meant buckling down and learning how to do what Mara did? Audrey would do it.

Mara was immensely proud.

"Of course, if that's what you want. After dinner."

"Will you take it out of me?" Nathan's voice was pleading, and Mara felt like she was about to kick a puppy.

"No, Nathan. I can't take it out of you."

His face fell, and his voice was strained. "Why?"

"Because it's saving your life, Nathan. I can keep it from making you numb, I can rewrite it, but you're reliant on the Aether in almost every aspect of your life."

"What do you mean?"

You weren't just given a random Trouble, Nathan. The Aether was put into your family because of an illness, a genetic illness. I swear to you, I give you my word that I will keep away the numbness, but you need the Aether inside you."

"What would it do to me?"

She wanted to lean back but the bench was uncomfortable. She was considering how long it would be before she could politely excuse them with the excuse that Duke needed rest.

"Pain, Nathan. The kind of pain that makes you crazy, the kind of pain that makes you kill yourself. Besides, it's also handling a lot of your memory, and I wouldn't endanger you on either front."

Audrey took his hand and he nodded slightly at her. "But I won't go numb again? My kids won't?"

"No, you won't. And once I fix Audrey, all of your kids will be immune anyway. I'm sorry, I know you haven't asked me for much and I don't like refusing you, but you're too important to everyone here to risk."

Duke stroked her leg again to get her attention. "But what about the other people? Would we be able to fix them before the Barn comes back again?"

"It really depends on what they set the timing for. With Vince as the Controller, I know he won't have the patience Byron had, and he loves the idea of people being in awe and fear of him, of being a legend. There is no possible way he could handle 27 year cycles. I know you guys think time just zips by in the Void, but it's not true. The Void-time is uncontrolled. Sometimes it felt like a few months, most times, especially testing times, they felt like a hundred years. But If we started right away, I can draw up a good schedule and we can start fixing people whenever you want. If we work right, we could have every Trouble gone and only gifts. There would be nothing for Vince or Croatoan to do. Nobody would need them."

Gloria was listening intently. "Can you tell us how your father got involved? And why you came to Haven in the first place? It sounds like you were here quite awhile before the Barn."

Mara played with her hair, thinking. "There are some things I want to talk about with Duke first, but I will tell you, I promise. Just not right now. But Audrey, I can fix you tonight if you like. And I'd like to call Dwight if you don't mind, Duke. He could help a lot with fixing the inactive Troubles, I know he'll want to see you."

She stood and began clearing the table. When Duke moved to help she pushed him back down with a small hand and kissed his head. "Not you. You rest. I have dessert in the warming rack and after everyone eats I want you back in bed."

He trapped her against him, careful to keep only the skin of his arm wrapped around her bare thigh. "Now we're talking. If you want we can go right now."

She smiled. "We have our family over and we have a baby date, don't forget."

His eyes lit up as he remembered the planned scan. "Right! Yeah, I'm definitely tired, all the dead time really took it out of me, so I'm going to take awhile to heal. We'll need a lot of rest time. Oh hell, what happens to my stuff now? How do you become _legally_ un-dead?"

Nathan reached to grasp Duke's hand. "We'll take care of all the paperwork. As soon as it's official, I'll sign the _Gull_ back over to you."

Mara came back to grab the rest of the dishes and the pan, salad bowl balanced on top. Duke gave her an impressed look. "Damn, you're good. You know all the waitress tricks."

She smiled. "Lexie waited tables occasionally. But you know, technically the _Rouge_ and the Land Rover are mine now. We may have to barter."

"Woman, are you leveraging me?"

"I'm negotiating." She talked as she cleaned the dishes, leaving the kitchen cleaner than when she started.

"Well, since we're going to have a baby and you're about to be my wife, what's mine is yours anyway."

"There's that. Also nothing finished getting changed out of your name. I'm sure Gloria will just sign the deed right back over to you. You weren't gone for so long that they can't just say 'oh oops, misidentified the body! He was on vacation, he's done this before, our bad' and everything will go back to normal."

Removing a baking pan from the oven and vanilla ice cream from the freezer, Mara set up everyone a dish of hot berry cobbler. As she brought the dishes to the table, Mara tried to keep her voice calm. "If I'm interested in a specific piece of land, can you guys help me find out who it's owned by? Now that I'm just me, I'd like a few things I'm attached to personally. I know it's not developed, it can't be."

They looked at her curiously as she sat. "How do you know, Mara?" Audrey asked just before she put a spoonful in her mouth and she groaned, making Nathan widen his eyes at her.

Mara rolled her eyes at Duke, nodding toward the pair. "I know because it's protected. It's the place I lived before the Barn, when I originally lived here. I set all kinds of wards around it. I doubt anyone's more than walked by it since the last time I was there."

Duke played with a strand of her hair. "If you want, tomorrow we can go by, you can show me and I'll help find out."

She gave him a sweet, grateful smile that made his bones feel soft and his blood race. He could get up every day just looking for a way to earn that smile.

After dessert, they gathered in the living room, Audrey on the couch next to Mara, who was playing with a pouch of orbs. It was so strange, being surrounded by people who _wanted_ her to use Aether. It was like she was in some kind of backwards Haven, or like she'd gone back in time. People were happy to have her there and wanted her around, wanted her to help them. No chains or stun guns, nobody trying to hide her Aether or make her give up her body. She wondered if it was time, the fact that she'd helped them or that they saw her as more of a person since she was so damaged. It was hard to look like a terrifying demi-god when you were visibly deformed.

Whatever the reason, they were treating her like she belonged and Audrey wanted her to use the Aether on her. Mara was perched delicately on the edge of the couch as she opened the pouch, shaking out two orbs and focusing on all the things that needed to change inside Audrey. She needed the Aether to bond to each cell, all through her body. She needed enough Aether to bring her up to the level she needed to be. She ran calculations in her head, counting out the number of orbs she would need to repair Audrey. 21 orbs. Going set by set would take forever, and she was already hurting. She started absorbing the orbs one by one. "Nathan, would you please go grab my medication from next to the bed?" Mara shivered as she absorbed another set, stretching to calm her twitching muscles. The excess twice in one day made her jumpy.

When Nathan brought her the bottle, Mara thanked him and took the pills before going back to her work. Everyone was staring in fascination, but Gloria finally asked, "What are you doing there, kid?"

Mara stretched her shoulders, realizing for the first time that she was sore from their fall through the Thinny as the excess of Aether pushed at her. "If my calculations are correct, Audrey needs a total of 21 orbs to replace that temporary patch and make her whole again." Her eyes furrowed as the words rang in her head, sounding too much like what Charlotte had said to Mara, the lie she had convinced her daughter of just before she destroyed her body and tried to destroy her life. It made her shiver. "Not to say that Audrey's not perfect the way she is, but to make her more sturdy and give her full access to her abilities.

"But doing that two by two would take forever, so I'm streamlining the process. It's the same thing I did this morning when I went after Duke. I absorbed all the Aether I had so that it would be ready when I needed it. As soon as I'm done absorbing them, I'll be able to fix Audrey all at once." Only six more to absorb. She could manage this. She took the rest in, waiting for it to settle and stop the shivering, but she realized when she looked up and Audrey gasped that she had probably taken in just a bit too much for one day- her eyes were black, she could tell by the way the room looked.

"Sorry, it's just a lot to carry at one time, it alters my natural levels. It'll settle down once we're done. You ready, Audrey?"

Audrey nodded though her face was pale and apprehensive. "I won't hurt you, I swear." Mara tried to assure Audrey as she shifted herself to kneel on the floor by Audrey's feet. "Give me your hands, please."

Audrey took a slow breath, holding her hands out. Mara took them in her own and slowly, gently started pushing the Aether outward, following it with her mind as it bonded to each cell, making itself at home inside Audrey. As it flowed ever outward, Mara spoke quietly.

"Audrey, you'll be able to do things, and some will happen automatically as you learn, things like affecting the weather or your eyes changing when you get upset. The only thing I ask is that you not _try_ to use the power on your own until you're trained. Accidents happen and they're not fun. It's not pleasant accidentally hurting someone. I will train you, I'll teach you everything you need to know, but please don't try to take initiative, not yet. You know the basic formula for giving a gift or a Trouble, but it's easy to choose the wrong gift for a specific Target."

"I understand." Audrey already looked stronger, her hair and eyes brighter. Power crackled around her like static electricity.

"Okay, I need to touch the back of your neck for the rest, are you feeling okay?"

"I feel good. Go ahead."

Mara pressed her hand against the nape of her neck, spreading the rest of the Aether through Audrey's central systems. When she was done, she fisted her hands to hide the shaking. "You okay?"

Audrey smiled happily. "I haven't felt this good in a long time. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure. If you have any issues or questions, just call anytime."

Audrey squeezed Mara's hands. "Thank you. I appreciate this. I appreciate everything you've done the last few days. I'll be a good student."

"And I'll try to be a patient teacher. One day, you'll have to train James. He's gifted, he'll need to learn to use it properly."

Everyone hugged and kissed all over Duke as he turned red, amusing Mara, and each of them squeezed her hands and kissed her cheek. She pressed a gentle kiss to James' head as he slept in his carseat and they walked them all to the door.

Mara stopped Nathan with a hand on his arm. "If you need anything, call. I mean it. Duke being home doesn't mean I don't have time for you. Promise?"

Nathan touched his hand to her face. "I promise. You too, okay? Trust me, too."

"Always have, Wuornos. Always have."


	12. Where We Come From

As soon as she was sure they were all gone, Mara pulled off her clothes- _tearing off the band-aid_ \- and stretched her back, groaning. She noticed Duke staring at her with wide eyes. "Sorry, I've been waiting for them to leave so I could get the seams and waistband off my skin."

"Never, ever be sorry for taking your clothes off. In fact, you should be apologizing for covering that body up. It's criminal." He approached and walked around her, trailing his fingers over her skin.

"You're sweet. Your poor chest is bruised where I almost crushed you and you're flattering me."

"You're nowhere near heavy enough to crush me. But I want to make sure I understand something."

"What's that?"

"If I touch you through clothes, it hurts you?"

"Not as much as other things, but yes, some. Why?"

He pulled off his shirt and pants, swooping to pick Mara up. She laughed as he carried her to bed, pulling as much of her skin against his as possible. When they were cuddled up, Duke kissed her hair.

"You know, Mara, something occurred to me."

"What's that?"

"I didn't thank you for bringing me back."

"You don't need to. I did it for selfish reasons. I refused to go on without you. If I hadn't been able to bring you back, I was going to stay there in the Void with you."

"You were?"

"Duke... I've been waiting for you my whole life. Everything I've done since I first met you when you were a kid, everything had something to do with you."

His voice sounded like he was afraid to believe. "Like what?"

"Besides the time I spent with you when I was Lucy? I used to come to your dreams, in the Barn time between Lucy and Audrey."

"That's going to be hard to narrow down. I dreamed about you a lot."

Mara blushed crimson, but tried to play it off. "I came to your dreams a lot."

He cocked his head against the pillow to look at her. "How often?"

"Duke, I don't think you want to know specifics. You expect your dreams to be private and I had no right to intrude."

"Mara..."

She groaned at his warning tone. "Every time I could. At least once a week."

"How do I know which ones were real?"

"You can ask and I'll tell you, if you like."

"Wow, this has the potential to be really embarrassing."

"For me too, Duke. I watched you grow up and I never aged. Now you're here on equal footing with me and it feels like I've been waiting forever."

"Will you tell me a dream?"

She smiled against his skin. "Fine. In one, we were on the beach with a small bonfire. You were... 17, I think it was the night before your birthday. I came for all your birthdays. We were drawing pictures with sticks in the sand. You were drawing these lovely flowers, and I wrote exactly what the tattoo on the inside of your arm says."

Duke's eyes went wide. "That was real? I got the tattoo that next day, right on the 18th birthday. I drew it and wrote it down the second I woke up and got it inked that night."

"Yes, that was real."

He paused, thinking. "Was the... _whole_ dream real?"

She swallowed, knowing what he was really asking.

"For a long time, I was always very careful to look like Lucy when I would check in. It had been several years, and I got sloppy. When I came to see you that night I forgot to hide my appearance, or I wasn't focused- I didn't look like Audrey, I looked like I do now. You asked me why I looked different and I knew changing to look like Lucy would just make you ask more questions, so I just told you that dreams were strange and that your eyes wouldn't tell you the whole truth about people."

Duke seemed to be having trouble articulating himself. "Um... that dream, I remember it really vividly and, uh..."

"Yes Duke, that was me too. It was past midnight, you were officially 18. Maybe it was wrong, I don't know. But I had been watching you for so long, you'd given me so much."

"What do you mean? I didn't give you anything."

There was a lump in Mara's throat and she stretched her neck before she tried to answer.

"You're wrong, Duke. Barn times were always hard. You gave me an escape, a reason to keep going. When things got bad, as long as I could focus I could go see you instead of fully experiencing what was happening. When you were a kid I could see your life and watch you grow. When you were grown you made me feel hopeful.

"I was already so in love with you. I probably had been for longer than I'd care to admit, but after you turned 18, I could admit how I felt about you. To myself, at least. When I went into your dreams to see you, it was like coming home."

Duke's arm tightened around her and Mara's eyes slipped closed as she hugged him.

"I had this dream- two dreams really. One the night before I got married and one the night after the wedding." Mara didn't say anything, barely even breathing. This line of questioning had the possibility of turning very bad.

"The night before the wedding, you- I'd gotten used to the difference in the way 'Lucy' looked by then- you said I shouldn't go through with it. That she was wrong for me. I remember getting mad, saying something about how at least she was actually _there_ for me. That she wasn't off hiding somewhere."

Mara didn't move, but her jaw clenched and she swallowed hard.

"Your face... it looked like I'd hit you. You hardly ever cried, I could count the times you cried on one hand, but there were tears on your face." Duke closed his eyes, trying to remember every detail. "You did that thing where your back goes all straight and tight and you agreed with me. You apologized and then you were gone. Even though you were gone, it was like I could still feel how bad I'd hurt you, like your pain was broadcasting. I almost backed out of the wedding.

"The next night after I fell asleep, you were back but you were so distant and formal. You congratulated me and said you hoped I was happy. I picked a fight. Asked why my happiness was suddenly so important to you when you'd just tried to tell me not to marry her. You slapped me." His hand went to his face, touching his cheek. "You'd never, ever hit me before and I was so shocked. Then you just screamed at me.

"A lot of what you said didn't make sense, but you were talking about choices and freedom and how I had no idea what the hell you'd suffered to protect me. When I asked what you meant your appearance changed. You were- it looked like you were beat half to death, and you looked like Lucy again- well, I guess not like Lucy but like you did when you were split from Audrey. You said I could say whatever I wanted about you or call you any name in the world, but to never, ever say you didn't care about me. You moved your hand like you were gonna slap me again, but I grabbed your wrist and I kissed you."

Mara stared intently at a spot on the wall, silent though she was breathing too hard.

"I don't remember every detail, but we were naked and I was on top of you, still holding your wrist. You just said, 'It's okay, Duke' and when I let go of your wrist you wrapped your arms around me and let me make love to you."

His fingers stroked her side and his other hand moved to twine his fingers with the hand she had on his chest. He chuckled low in his chest, but there was no humor in it.

"When I woke up and saw Evi next to me- she was going through my wallet- it felt like my stomach had dropped right out of my body. I had a picture of you and me from way back, tucked in behind some cards. When she found it, she pulled it out and said that I shouldn't have pictures of other women in my wallet. She tore the picture up before I could even move and all I could think was, 'She warned me. She warned me and I hurt her'. I think I had that thought every single day of my marriage."

She was still silent. What could she say? It had all been said already.

"Were those dreams real, Mara?"

Her voice was a whisper. "Yes."

"Why were you all beat up?"

"Failure to comply. Failure to submit. The usual." She shrugged, uncomfortable.

Duke pressed his face to her hair. "I should have listened. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"Don't be. You were right. I didn't have the right to interfere in your life. I wasn't there. Not in a way that you could see me, at least. I let you down after I swore I wouldn't. You didn't know where I was or why I was gone. You're not responsible for any of my hurts."

"Don't lie, Mara. I was mean and it hurt you."

"It hurt my _feelings_ , not my body. And like I said, you were right. I had no right to be possessive. And you still came when I asked you to."

He craned his head to look down at her. "What do you mean?"

"You'd been away from Haven for awhile when I realized that the cycle was about to start. I came to you and begged you to come home and you said you didn't want to. But I told you I was coming back and I needed help. Did you never question why you came back to this place you swore you hated right before Audrey showed up? You didn't come because Simon told you you had to."

Duke squinted, obviously thinking very hard. "You asked for help. Said you needed my help, that you weren't sure how much longer you could do it. I assumed you meant stay in the dream."

Her voice came out rough and scratchy and she had to stop and clear her throat. "No. I meant I wasn't sure how much longer I could fight. I was afraid I'd either give up or die. Almost did, clearly. I was a fool. Momma said she could make me better. Make me someone you could love. That's really what tipped it for me. The idea of being someone you could love. So I let her touch me, and I paid for my folly.

"Later, weeks later when I was on my way back to Haven, drawing in one of my books, I finished a picture of you and when I looked at it, I saw _love_ in your eyes. Gods, it felt like getting hit with a baseball bat in the gut. I'd lost everything because I was too blind and stupid to see you had some kind of feelings for me."

"You're not stupid. It's not like I made it obvious. I didn't want you to know."

"Still, I had the relevant information available to me. I can say I was distracted or a thousand other excuses, but at the end of the day that's all they are. Excuses. On my world, nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than being stupid."

He could feel when she wasn't going to budge on something, so he tried distraction. "Can I see the picture?"

"If you want." Mara sat up and Duke whined at the loss of contact. "Two seconds! Jeeze." She reached into her bag to put her sketch books on the bedside table, bringing the green one into bed with her while she tried to get comfortable again.

Once she was settled in Duke's arm, she flipped the book open. "This is the book I used to get Audrey close to the surface before I shattered the Paige personality. Art can be very useful, it turns out."

Duke chuckled, batting her hand away so he could look at each picture. She stopped him at the mason jar picture. "This one."

He just stared for the longest time. His voice was hushed when he spoke. "Is this how you see me?"

"They're all pulled from actual memories, Duke. It's how you _are_. That's exactly how you looked that evening, I can prove it."

"How?"

Mara sighed, rolling her eyes as she held her hand out, bringing up the precise memory she'd drawn from and letting it sit over her hand.

"It's not like how I see myself when I look in the mirror." His confession was quiet.

Mara snorted. " _That_ I understand better than you think. You should see what I look like in the mirror."

"Can you show me?"

She didn't speak, but kept her hand up. A picture of her as a young girl- she looked maybe eight- appeared over her hand, and then it was like watching a flip-book. Second by second she changed, too quickly to examine each image. He caught bits- long black hair, curly blonde hair, Lucy, Sarah, Audrey and Lexie before a writhing black mass settled into a woman the same size and shape that she was now, but deformed and monstrous. Instead of burn scars, her body looked more like Frankenstein's Monster- a stitched patchwork of bits of skin that made him think of Arla. Only her face looked normal, but instead of blue, warm violet or even red, her eyes were pure black.

He stared, speechless. "That's how you see yourself?"

"Every time I look in the mirror. Eventually it settles down enough that I can do things like dress and put on makeup, but it's what I see every single time."

" _Why?_ "

"Because I see the truth. All of those images make me up, but they're all different people. The girl I was when I came here, the way I looked just before the Barn, all the personalities and the way I look now. I'm not just one person, Duke. I had to live as each of them. They had lives and dreams and wishes. They didn't even know who they were. They never knew me, but I had to know all of them. I go by one name now, but I don't have the luxury of being just one person." She let the image go and rested her hand back on his chest.

"Why did you look so tiny at the beginning?"

Shrugging, Mara replied, "That's what I looked like when I came to Haven. When I first settled here."

Duke frowned. "You look like you're eight there."

That made Mara laugh loudly. "Not eight. If we were converting to your years, I was about twelve."

"Did your parents bring you here?"

"Not in the way you mean. My father helped me settle here when I ran away, but I was alone. Self-sufficient. I supported myself, built my house, worked."

"Do all your people leave home that young?"

Mara shifted uncomfortably. "No. Most stay with their parents at least until they complete secondary education and become a Journeyman in whatever trade they practice."

For all his virtues, Duke was still a natural hunter, and he smelled blood in the water. "Why was it different with you, Mara?"

As it often was, her first instinct was to lie. But this was Duke, and she had a list of things the length of her arm that she really did need to tell him. He'd seen her at her worst, and if he still wanted her there, she had to trust him with her weaknesses, too.

"I wasn't always what I am now. I was a child, a baby when they discovered I had gifts. I got sick when I was maybe four in your years and my father used Aether, bonded it to my cells, to cure me. That's what made me more Aether than person. From what I read in her journals, before I got sick I was about 30% Aether. Still very high for my species, but nowhere near what I am now.

"After the cure, I was my mother's pet project. She's always been obsessed with Aether because she can't use it. It rejects her completely. Only Daddy could make the medicine he used on me, and even he was only about 12%. So she was using me to try and find a way to make Aether useful for people like her. I completed primary education very early and my mother and father handled my secondary education. Daddy just wanted to teach me how to use the Aether to heal and create."

She rolled her head to stare at the ceiling. "She tried different things but eventually decided she needed to see how I would reproduce to find the secret, the gene that made the Aether accept me. She bonded me to William, but we're genetically incompatible. She tried hundreds of times to collect my eggs and fertilize them, but it never worked.

"Eventually she found another man with a fairly high Aether-level. 20%. He was someone she worked with. She asked him to help her on her project, and he agreed, with conditions."

Mara's voice was distant and detached, like she was discussing the weather.

"My world has freaks just like this world. He agreed to do what she wanted, to help her create a child, but because she was technically breaking the law by trying to force reproduction in a child my age, he could ask for whatever he wanted. So he told her he'd do it, but only if he could do it the old-fashioned way. She agreed without hesitation."

Duke's muscles went taut under her face and against her skin and his fingers tightened on her hip. "Are you telling me that woman-"

"Sold me? Whored me out? Yeah, pretty much. She had a goal, I was required to help her reach that goal. His name was Constantine. He was actually bigger than Dwight, if you can imagine. She spent the entire month doing daily blood tests and arranged for my father to be out of the house one night. I'll spare you the gory details, but I conceived. When my father found out, I honestly thought he was going to kill her, he was so _angry_. But he didn't, and I never knew why, unless it was to save his own skin.

"He brought me here and left me, tried to seal the place off from my world. I was smart enough to get by and I continued to study. I achieved my Mastery before I even gave birth. One of the youngest ever, if not the absolute youngest. I knew my craft well."

His breath was rasping and the muscles in his arm and shoulders were jumping. "Maybe you need a sedative if we're going to have this discussion. I don't want to set your recovery back."

"No, no. I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, Duke." Mara repeated his earlier words back to him. "You're twitching and your pulse is too high. Sedative or change of subject. You pick. I have plenty of other things I can tell you instead."

"Mara, I need to know. I need to know what happened to you and I don't want to be drugged."

She shook her head. "You're impossible. That's why you want me, because you're a glutton for punishment."

"I want you because you're everything I always wanted. Smart and strong and beautiful and patient enough to want me. Now tell me, Mara."

He was impossible to argue with. If she didn't just get it over with he'd badger her all night.

"The piece of land I was asking about? It's where my house was. I gave birth in the middle of the night, alone. I was maybe 70 pounds soaking wet when I wasn't pregnant. The baby was 11 pounds. Broke my pelvis in three places. I couldn't walk for weeks. But I healed and I started raising my baby. Named him 'Noble'. Did you know Audrey's name means 'Noble Warrior'? I was never sure if that was a snub by Momma or some kind of sign from the universe, some warning that she'd be the personality who'd win."

"What happened to Noble?"

"William got here first. He's honestly not a bad person, though I understand why you'd have trouble believing that. He was so angry and horrified and he wanted to stay with me. He wanted to marry me and protect me. But I never loved him the way he loved me. I was incapable. He still kept the faith. Guarded me like it was his life's crusade and still offered to marry me every single Sunday. You know, I got a glimpse when I was working on Nathan's memory of him telling William I was gone. Of William walking away saying he'd always loved me more. And Nathan let him go believing that, and that part hurts.

"But, as it was, I failed William. He risked everything to get me out of that Barn before it killed me, tried to bring me up. And that had to tax him, because he was never that powerful. The amount of Aether he was using at any given moment must have exhausted him. But he kept trying. In the lighthouse, I was fighting so hard, trying to get loose and stop what was happening. And I couldn't until it was too late. But I guess that wasn't your question, was it?"

She carefully shifted her body so she could rest her head on Duke's shoulder and stare at the ceiling. "Momma came and William chased her off. She kept saying the was the 'rightful owner of the products of conception'. William always had that sword, it was always buckled to his side. He was amazing with it. He taught me what I know, but I'm not nearly good as good as him. When Noble turned one, William said we also needed to celebrate my 'birthing day', that I was the one who did the work alone. It was a dagger, beautiful chased silver with citrine and ruby on the hilt. What he called 'my colors'. If my land is still empty, there are things hidden that I want to get."

Duke rubbed her hip, his fingers tracing the lines of scarring that had raised ridges. "You're stalling, beautiful. I know you hate feeling vulnerable, but you're with me. I won't use it against you. Please? I can't help you if I don't understand."

"Fine, fine. She tried _buying_ him from me, and I refused. So when I was out one day working on a case- I always brought him with me- Noble was playing with a wooden boat someone had given me. Since I was morally prohibited for taking money for healing, there were lots of people who gave me presents as thanks. Momma or someone who worked for her snatched him from where he was playing.

"We had the whole town searching. Everyone liked me, I took care of them. Delivered their babies, cured their illnesses, made their household items. After three days, they found him. He was injured, dehydrated, malnourished. She'd taken at least half his blood and it looked like she'd biopsied every organ in his body. She'd cut him wide open, the incision was still very clear even with tools from our world to close the incision. He was alive, though.

"We brought him back to my house, and I worked on him nonstop. He was so weak, and I think she infused him with some of her own blood, because suddenly Aether wouldn't help him, though it had adored him before. Even the Aether he was born with burned out. I couldn't fix it, Duke. He was dependent on the Aether. It kept him alive, just like it does me. Like it does Audrey. You remember when Audrey was sick after the split? How she just faded day by day? That's what happened to Noble."

She was still staring at the ceiling, rubbing her belly. "He held on for 18 days. I never left him for a moment." Her voice was rough and her shame and self-loathing were palpable. "I was sitting on his bed, reading to him when he said, 'Mama, look at the pretty colors. I want to play in the flowers Mama. I'll pick you something pretty. Just wait here, I'll be right back and we can have our picnic.' And he closed his eyes. He was smiling, Duke. He died smiling despite the amount of pain he had to be in. He was four years old."

Mara's tone was calm, but tears leaked back into her hair. "I should have been watching closer. I thought William had really scared her off. But William wasn't there when he was taken. He was out with the fishermen, trying to help."

"I'm so sorry, Mara." Four simple words, but the emotion behind them said everything. His anger and hate, his love and protectiveness, his sense of justice.

"Thank you. I don't know if it was better for him or not. The Barn started just a few years after that. I'd have been forced to abandon him or let him become a specimen like me. At least he died free. But you know, I still let her touch me. I let her talk me into the 'joining' because I wanted to be loved. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So I guess you were all right about me. I _am_ crazy. Murderous, too. I was glad when I found out Momma was dead, I toasted with Gloria. But I wish I could have been the one to end her."

"That's not crazy _or_ murderous. It's justice."

"Doesn't matter. I wasn't here to do it anyway."

Duke kissed Mara's head and squeezed her. "You're not alone anymore. She's dead and gone." He hesitated for a moment, wanting to ask but afraid it would sound callous.

"I can feel you stewing, Duke. Talk to me."

"Earlier when Gloria asked you how your dad got involved with everything, you said-"

"That I wanted to talk to you first. We're already having story time, do you want to know?"

"I really do, but if you don't want to..."

"No, it's fine. We can get some of the negative things out so we can just enjoy the scan. I'm not sure where to start."

"Wherever you want, if I get confused I'll ask."

"I told you that I thought Daddy was going to kill Momma for what she did. Maybe he scared her too. Maybe she just wanted more freedom to do things. Right after she put me in the Barn, Daddy got word of it. Momma convinced him Croatoan had done it, that he was keeping me trapped. It was a lie, obviously, but one he could believe. Croatoan would have found someone like me very useful.

"So Daddy did what he thought he had to. He killed the old Croatoan, which automatically gave him the job. She imprisoned Daddy just like she had me. He's powerful and dangerous, but he lost his life because he was trying to help me, to save me from the wrong person. But when she dispersed me, it set off alarms, and my father- Croatoan now- pulled Haven partway into the Void so he could find out what happened to me. He attacked the town for killing me."

She shook her head. "In his own way, he thought he was being kind to you. The people he used; Vince, Dave, you... you were all people he felt loved me. I can't ask, obviously, but I think by using you three, he though he was giving you a chance to take revenge too. To avenge me. He didn't understand that none of you saw me the way he did. Everyone here thought I was a monster, and so instead of wanting to help, you rightly fought him. Well, not Vince. He's always been a little too interested in power, and he probably loves this. That's why I say they're not going to wait a full 27 year cycle."

"What were you saying about a catalyst for my gift?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. I almost said it in front of everyone, and it's not their business. The woman you've been told is your mother- she isn't. She's just one of Simon's women. Your real mother was someone from my world who probably fell through a Thinny. She got here accidentally, and she was innocent. Sweet, from what I understand. He got her drunk and got her pregnant. She stayed to have you, and she was willing to stay with Simon just so she could raise you.

"My people, we generally view children as a miraculous gift. The way they were conceived doesn't matter, the child is innocent. I never regretted Noble just because of how he came to be, and your mother wanted you. She was even willing to stay with Simon to be with you. That lasted less than a year. As soon as you were on solid food and he didn't need her anymore, he told her to leave and never come back. When she refused to leave without you, he said that he would never let her have you. That he'd kill you first. He told her to go back to wherever she came from, that if she came back he'd kill you. She took his words literally, so she went through a Thinny."

Duke was shaking again, and Mara rolled to press her hand over his heart. "I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you. I just think you should know. She loved you."

"Do you think she's alive?"

"I wish I knew. But I can only hear what Aether tells me. But she might be. We don't age and die like humans, you know? So it's possible."

"How did that change my Trouble?"

"Being a halfling, and your mother must have been gifted, your body is capable of binding to Aether, of working with it, not just holding onto it like all the other Crockers. That's why you can cure now."

"So I'm half your species and half human?"

Mara nodded.

He blew out a hard breath. "Will I keep aging? Will I die like a normal human?"

"About that. You've died once. I had to use a massive quantity of Aether to make you live again. That did alter you. So no, you won't age anymore. You won't die of natural causes. Like me and Audrey."

Duke's brow furrowed. "What about Nate?"

Mara tilted her head a little. "I've been thinking about that. Everything is different now. With me and you and Audrey unaging, I want to ask Nathan to let me fix it so he stays the same too. It's not a hard thing for me to do, but he has to be willing, and you'll find it's hard to talk people into living potentially forever. But I'm going to try."

"That's a lot to take in for one day."

"And you're supposed to be resting. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I wanted to know this. I want to know a lot of things. I just need to let them sink in."

"Do you want to wait til tomorrow to do the scan?"

"No! No way, I've been looking forward to this."

Easing onto her back again, Mara held out her hand. "I'm just going to put it straight up, I want us to see at the same time. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"One of the few things I _am_ sure of."

She took a deep breath and a 3-D hologram appeared over her hand, motion clearly visible. Mara stared in awe and Duke's breath stopped.

Mara couldn't even blink, staring at the image. "Audrey was right."

There were two perfect forms in the scan, facing each other with their hands pressed together through their sacs.

They were having twins.


	13. We Belong to Each Other

Duke and Mara stared at the two babies in stunned silence, and Mara wondered why she was so surprised. Any pregnancy could result in twins, and she'd felt so much movement. Hell, it was the first thing Audrey even thought of when she felt the movement.

But it _was_ a shock. Mara had felt beyond blessed to even have one Crocker in her belly. Having two was almost like getting an apology from the gods themselves.

Finally collecting herself, she whispered, "Do you want to know the genders?"

His eyes were still round and bright, like they were holding tears. "I do, but if you want to be surprised I'm okay with that."

"No, I want to know too. You ready? I'm going to start playing with the scan, let it show us everything."

"Go for it. I want to see their faces."

She moved her hands slowly in small, controlled gestures. Zooming in on the baby on the right, Mara altered the angle to get a clear view of the face and she smiled. She could see Duke's bone structure clearly, the cheekbones, the lips and jaw; all of these things screamed 'Duke'. But the baby had her nose.

She had a lump in her throat. "He looks just like you."

"I was about to say the same about you."

"His hair is dark like yours." She adjusted the image to see the rest of the first baby's body and smiled. She was going to be the first to give Duke a son. "I told you we were having a boy."

"Don't get so cocky just yet. We haven't checked the other baby."

"Fair enough. Let's do that and then I can take the measurements and do the actual medical diagnostic stuff."

The image moved to the other baby and she paused as she moved over, focusing on their hands, still pressed together through the membranes between them. It was beautiful, the idea that they already lived so close, squished up against each other but were still trying to get closer. She committed the image to memory before moving to focus on the other baby.

This face was a little more Mara. Fine, delicate bone structure, but Duke was still there in the shape of the eyes. The hair she could see was black and curly, just like the other baby. The image moved down, and Mara smiled, a single tear slipping loose. "A girl. I can't believe all this time I had your son and daughter inside me."

She altered the view so they could see both children again an she began taking measurements, collecting the important information.

"They're built like my people. Not so much like humans. They appear to be perfectly healthy. I had worried so much that getting dispersed would affect the pregnancy, but everything must have gone into protecting the babies. It makes me feel grateful for the scars. Every scar on my body is there so they wouldn't be hurt."

Duke's voice was quiet but he reached his hand to the picture like he wanted to touch them.

"Touch my belly, Duke. This tracks movement too. I want to see what happens."

Obligingly, Duke pressed his hand to her belly, pressing enough to feel, and the boy started wiggling, pressing back against Duke's touch. As soon as he was moving, the girl startled awake with a hard kick that made Duke laugh.

Mara willed them to open their eyes. She pressed her own fingers to her belly, pressing against the boy's head. When his eyes finally opened, Mara caught her breath. They were silver, the bright mercury of Duke's eyes when he touched Aether. Mara smiled as she stared in fascination.

"I'm so glad he has your eyes. He's so beautiful."

"He really is." Duke cleared his throat. "Can you get her to open her eyes?"

Mara moved her hand, pressing against the girl's back, and after a few more minutes she blinked sleepily and Mara's breath caught.

She was dichromatic. One eye silver like her brother's, one eye a rich violet that matched Mara's.

"Holy crap- she has two different eyes. Like David Bowie." Duke's voice was full of awe.

"That's supposed to be a good omen. He's about 7 pounds 2 ounces. She's 6 pound 13 ounces. It doesn't give me any better idea when to expect them. I've had big babies before. So it could still happen anytime. I'm just so glad they're healthy, that they weren't damaged by the dispersal."

Duke squeezed Mara against him. "Me too. Healthy is all that matters. It doesn't hurt that they're so beautiful, though."

They lay together watching their babies move, both thinking of what they'd almost lost.

"I have a call to make, you want me to keep the scan up?"

"Will it hurt you or strain you?"

"Not at all," she assured Duke, "it takes very little energy to keep it showing. I wanted to watch anyway, so I can draw pictures."

She took her phone and called Dwight, who answered on the second ring, sounding like he'd already been wide awake.

"Hendrickson."

"Chief, I have some things to report. Do you have a moment?"

"Uh, usually we refer reports to the station line so they can be properly documented. Let me give you the correct number."

"No," Mara cut him off, "this is personal. It's about people you care for."

"I'm listening." The suspicion was clear in his voice and it made Mara smile.

"Well, first, about me. Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. But besides that, Audrey Parker will need to be reinstated."

"I'm sorry if you hadn't heard, but Detective Parker is no longer with us." Dwight sounded so sad, and Mara hurt for him.

"That's where you're wrong, Dwight. I know you're wrong because I brought her back myself. She hasn't had time to talk to you, but I know she'll be calling,"

"Who is this?"

"Me? I'm the one who brought her and Duke back."

There was a loud clatter on the end of the line. "If this is some kind of joke, it's sick. You should be ashamed."

"Not that I don't have plenty of things to be ashamed about, but Lizzy doesn't have the market cornered on resurrection, Dwight. Duke, say something so he knows I'm serious."

"She's right, Sasquatch. I'm here. Gloria's seen me. Audrey, too."

"But... how?" Dwight was pleading, desperate for good news.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. Charlotte hurt me and sent me away so I couldn't stop her. But I did try, Dwight."

"But who are you?"

"Mara."

"Mara? But you're..."

"Dead? No. I'm too much of a scientific curiosity for her to actually kill me. Just delayed. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I was late and I couldn't save everyone, but I got here as quickly as I could. Please believe me."

"You sound different."

"I look different."

"So... you're not trying to get rid of anyone?"

"I never was. I wanted my body back, I wanted to be free. I wanted to get away from my mother. Did I do unpleasant things to get that? Yes. But it was never my intent to just kill people for no reason."

"I'm still dreaming, aren't I?"

"No. You're not that creative. If you want to see him, we're on the _Rouge_. You can bring Lizzy, she should remember Duke and I'll be fully dressed."

"How early is too early?" He sounded edgy, desperate to believe but afraid.

"Eh, anytime after 8. Duke's funny in the morning. But I'm pretty sure Audrey and Nathan are still up. They're at his place if you want to hear it from them."

"We'll be there first thing in the morning. Hey, Mara?"

"Yeah?"

" _Thank you_. Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Dwight. Sorry about... you know, Everything."

"We'll talk tomorrow. It's okay."

She hung up, leaving her phone on the night stand.

Duke twisted his head to kiss her cheek, still watching the babies on the scan. "Why'd you tell him to come so early?"

"I think you're failing to appreciate how much these people care about you, Duke. They need to see that you're okay. I know you feel like a black sheep, but remember, it's the black sheep they wrote the song for."

He smiled at her. "That was very poetic."

She nuzzled his shoulder, yawning. "Yeah, well, we'll see how much he still likes me when he finds out the Troubles aren't gone. We'll have to take his out."

"But we can do that now, so as long as it doesn't go active overnight, I think we're good."

"How do you feel?" Mara touched his forehead, stroking the strands of hair out of his face.

"Same as last time you asked. Lucky. Insanely, painfully lucky, actually. I can't believe I died. Well, no, that part I get. What I don't get it why it didn't help anything. Why my life meant nothing in the end."

Mara tightened her arm around Duke's waist, squeezing. "Same reason they tried to take Audrey. Same reason I'm in this body. Because the game was rigged, Duke. That's all it ever was to her, maybe even to daddy. A game, a power grab. I like to think Daddy pulled Haven in to avenge me, but for all I know that was more of a 'Just because I can' maneuver. You guys, all of Haven, got punished for taking me in. I brought the attention of terrible people to you. I tried to help you, but everything got mixed up with the intermarrying and families mixing."

She shifted to stare at the ceiling again. "None of it was your fault or responsibility, but you got punished anyway. You more than anyone because you gave me a chance. Nathan next because it appeared that he had cared for me. Momma never understood it was just Audrey, she didn't know about the Trouble, so you and he suffered more than anyone. But still, you're wrong."

Her voice was hushed, her jaw and neck tight against tears. "Your death meant _everything_. Your life and death were _my_ life and death. I cared about them because I loved you, you're what gave me the perspective that allowed me to see the value in Nathan and Audrey. My desperation to save you and your children kept me alive and moving, and every step, every action, I asked myself what you would do. You're the one who saved her and Nathan, and the babies. I was just the hands that did the work." She had to clear her throat and stretch her shoulders.

Duke was very quiet for a moment, and his voice sounded like it was hiding tears, too. "Why do you undervalue yourself so much?"

"Experience and dedicated teachers. Why do you?"

"Are you crazy? Have you not listened to Nathan, ever? I'm unreliable, unpredictable, a danger to everyone and a screw-up."

Mara chuckled quietly. "Of course I listen to Nathan. I listened to him cry about how you willingly gave your life to try and keep my father from using the Troubles in you. I listened to him scream, weeping after his nightmares of killing you, begging you to forgive him for not telling you how much he loved and valued you all his life. I listened to the Aether in him tell me how he still keeps his window open for you, even after you died he couldn't bring himself to close it.

"With my own eyes, I saw that he slept on your boat every night just to feel close to you. He feared and hated me, but the moment he knew I was back he _hugged_ me, he embraced me and told me how grateful he was that I was pregnant, that your line would continue even before he knew I could bring you back. He slept next to me, holding my hand, just grateful that someone could understand how he felt.

"I saw Gloria accept me without reservation the moment I came to town. Her tears when she saw I was pregnant and her shame that she couldn't bring you back to life. _You_ saw her when she saw you alive again. You listen to the words on top, Duke, when you should be listening to what they don't say. It's not because they don't believe it, it's simply because they don't think it needs to be said. They assume you know. Hell, Dwight was ready to take my head off when he thought I was jerking him, and you never even call him by his name. The others are emotionally stunted idiots, but they love and value you. Now value yourself."

His eyes were red, his body unusually still. "You believe that?"

"I know it for a fact. They forgave me for your sake, Duke. Not for any other reason. Saving you was the only thing they wanted. I got Audrey back before the first 24 hours was up, but it wasn't okay, not for anyone. She hurt too. She was so broken hearted over you. Not more than me, none of them more than me... but I admit, Nathan came close. This bond has me a little concerned. It's strange feeling so much concern for him, it feels weird. I didn't want to tell them, you know.

"When I got yanked out of our dream, in was because Nathan was trapped in another nightmare, watching you die, and when I realized I forced myself awake and called to make Audrey wake him up. The cat was out of the bag by then. They showed up at the boat. You want to hear something silly?"

Duke sniffled a little holding her closer. "I could use some silly, yeah."

"When I got up and looked for that safe you told me about, I stood there for several minutes until I could decode it, and when I did, it made me cry. That even through death, you and he were as bonded as ever. I know, I know for sure, that you and Audrey were the two people he has always, always loved the most in his life. That love has never wavered, even through fights and punches and death. Seeing that tattoo all abraded, scrubbed with steel wool, it made my chest ache."

"Thanks for telling me that. It really does help. I loved him so much, when he got that damn tattoo-"

"I know. It was a stupid, schoolyard prank that came around to bite him in the ass. He never really wanted to kill you. I think he was relieved when he realized you were in love with her, too. He knew he could at least trust you to try and save her."

Mara was quiet again for a second. "He asked me, he asked why you asked him to do it, and I felt certain that I knew why. Because he would have done anything to stop someone else from hurting you. That you knew you'd only get what you wanted by asking Nathan."

"Yeah." Duke took a shuddering breath. "You're right. I didn't want anyone else to get hurt. I didn't even think about that fucking tattoo until..."

"You saw it. Nathan told me. He felt it when you saw. He cried so much. When I made the tattoo go away, he went to hug me, and he looked so _sad_ when he realized he couldn't. They both slept over last night so we could go for you immediately."

"So, you're free for the first time in 500 years. What's that like?"

Mara laughed, her hand on his chest. "You think Audrey is the first personality I've broken through? Give her some credit, she's a strong personality. No, I got loose before. The difference was, I had nowhere to go, nobody to go to. I still wanted to help. I tried to run farther a few times, but my mother always got me by sheer manpower. I've been loose. I just always got retaken. My hope is that with Charlotte dead, they won't try to come for me again, because I'd feel a little guilty if I had to kill Vince and my father.

"I was loose during the Lucy time, about half that time. Nathan was so traumatized from Max and he wasn't coping. Garland had Dave help him call me up and asked me to help hide the memories from Nathan. Of course I did it, to me he was still someone I loved. That's when I gave Garland my ring to pass on to Nathan. I always wondered how he thought it came to him. Audrey has a ring. How did he not understand it wasn't hers? But that was also when I met you, and I adored you so much. I had to keep an eye on you. So I watched you grow up through the dreams, and then I realized I was in love with you."

"And now you've brought me back from the dead. And you're having my babies."

"Yep."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for the whole pregnancy. I really hate that."

"We've talked about it, Duke. You didn't need to see me like that, and all that matters is you being here now. I just want to start over. We've been given such a huge gift. Audrey and you, these babies and now I get to see James grow up. He'll actually be James Wuornos. And no fear or Arla coming back. We finally won one, Duke."

"You had to pay for it, though. I hate that you're in pain."

"No. If that was the price, a pound of flesh to get you all back? I'd pay it still."

"I don't deserve you."

"No, you deserve better, but you're stuck with me. Get used to it. Try to sleep, Duke."

"I'm not sure I remember how."

"I can drug you if I have to, but let's try this first." Mara slowly shifted around, laying on her back so she could pull his head to her chest so he could hear her heart. She pulled his hand to rest on her belly and he slid his leg up over hers. She switched off the light and held him, stroking his hair and humming an old song from her world, even after she felt his body relax in sleep. Once she was sure he was down, she fell asleep holding him.

* * *

Mara woke in a long, dark hallway, and she was alone.

Curious, she walked forward, but there was no doorway to be seen, and she realized she felt _off_ , everything at a strange angle. She couldn't move her head, but in her peripheral vision, she spotted her feet and realized she wasn't her.

Oh Nathan, not again. At least she couldn't see Duke.

She stayed tensed, ready to force herself awake to call Audrey if things went south, but there was a faint light shining in the distance, so she stayed as Nathan walked on, the light getting brighter.

And then she saw _herself_. Absolutely not Audrey. And she had _wings_. Angel wings.

Mara snorted, amused, but the angel-Mara just stood, smiling gently.

He was absolutely incapable of not over-dramatizing her in some way. She was either devil or angel. Apparently she'd switched teams in Nathan's subconscious. But it was very, very strange to tilt her head and see it from Nathan's perspective.

It wasn't like looking in a mirror, he was too tall, she was too short, it was like a carnival mirror if anything. Nathan approached _NotMara_ slowly, reaching out to hug her, and she felt the odd sensation of being hugged by herself. They held onto each other in the dark hallway, in the only spot of light.

"Thank you so much for helping me." She/Nathan said, face pressed to her hair.

"I've always helped you. I always will."

"But I was so mean to you, I hurt you so much."

"Yes, you did. You hit me and called me names. You shocked me and threatened me and tortured me, but I still saved you. You stole my baby. I saved everyone and look what you did to me."

Nathan stood back to look and Mara was horrified. Her face was beaten black and blue, her throat slit open wide, one wing bent at an unnatural angle. Frustrated, she wrenched herself out of the dream, scrambling for the phone on the nightstand and dialing Audrey again.

"Mara?"

"Wake Nathan up. Quick, please." The sheets felt like sandpaper and she grabbed for the pain medication, swallowing the pills dry. Duke must have woken as soon as she rolled away, and he handed her his water bottle, holding his arms out for her. She tossed the sheets off and climbed into his lap just to make sure she wasn't touching anything but his skin.

"What's going on?" Duke murmured, wrapping his arms around her when she shivered, grimacing at the goosebumps.

"Nathan has a guilt complex. Now he's having nightmares about when he wanted to kill me."

Duke just shook his head, holding her while she waited on the phone. Audrey finally picked up again. "What happened, I thought you got rid of the memory?"

"I _did_." Mara snapped, cranky with Audrey's tone. "He wasn't dreaming about Duke, he was dreaming about _me_. You cannot expect me to anticipate everything that he might feel guilty for!"

"Okay, sorry, sorry. I'm just worried."

"Can you put him on the phone?"

After a moment, his voice came on the line, a little gruff, but seemingly under control. "I'm here."

"Nathan, I'm fine. Please, I know you can't control what you dream about, but you have to take a breath and honestly forgive yourself. I'm not mad, you didn't hurt me. Honestly, not even at your very worst. And you never beat me. You never cut me."

"But the baby..."

"Is where he belongs, Nathan. Good gods, think about it. At least now I get to see him grow up. He's with you, which is what I would have wanted in the first place. It's not like I got to raise him the first time around. This is a good situation, Nathan. I'm free. Audrey is safe, Duke is home. _You didn't hurt me_. Duke loves you, I love you, Audrey loves you. You want to make things up to me, just be a good dad. I have faith in you. Now have some in yourself. If you can't trust yourself, trust me. You know I have no reason to lie to you."

His voice was very quiet. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Don't be, Nathan. I had to get up soon anyway. Nobody told Dwight, and he's supposed to be here soon. Everything is fine, I promise. Get some rest before the little man gets up for the day. You can come see us later if you want to. We're here for you."

"Thanks, Mara. I'll... I'll call you later."

"Bye, Nathan."

She hung up, leaning her head against Duke. "That poor man. Messiah complex, guilt complex... I told Audrey he had PTSD, but it's like she thought that could be cured just be removing one visual memory. Hell, if it were that easy, I could make it my life's mission to just travel the country and fix every PTSD patient. At least she's always patient with Nathan. It's going to take time."

Duke tilted her head to kiss her and she relaxed into him, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck and winding her fingers in his hair. Moments like this, every bit of pain was worth it for moments like this.

When he pulled away just enough to talk, she gazed into his eyes.

"You're amazing. You care so much, even though most of us gave you absolutely no reason to."

"That's not true, Duke. Yeah, we all fought when you knew who I was, but I was around the whole time Audrey was, I was there. When you treated her well, you treated me well. I got to know everyone, I loved everyone. You guys didn't know me, but I knew you. Honestly, that's most of the reason I was so awful when I did get free. I thought you guys would want to help me, to hear the real history. But nobody wanted to talk to me, nobody asked me anything except how to get Audrey back and I got so angry. You know the rest.

"But still, I loved you, I loved all of you. You most- you already know I've been obsessed with you forever. But I still want good things for all of them. And Nathan, even without the bond- he's like... like a brother, I guess? I love him because I loved him once before mistakenly, but I loved him when he was a child, and I feel how much you love him, so I love him for those reasons, too. I feel protective of him."

He took her hand, looking at the ring on her finger. "I can't believe you said yes. Will you take my name, too?"

Mara snorted, her laugh full of disbelief. "Why on earth would I want to keep 'Cross' when I could be a Crocker? Of course I'll take your name. We'll just have to find a way to get me legal on paper. Apparently I'm not a real girl."

Duke's eyes glinted, and his hand ghosted up to her breast. "You feel like a real girl. Those meds kick in yet?"

"I think so, but you might have to touch me to make sure." She smiled a little, arching against his hand.

She twisted in his lap so she was straddling him- they had a little time before they had to get ready. His hands stroked her sides and then up her back.

"Does that hurt?"

"Not at all. Keep trying."

He shifted to lay back against the pillows, looking up at her as he ran his fingers up her thighs. "How about that?"

"Doesn't hurt." She rocked her hips, rubbing against him, teasing him.

His hands gripped her hips, fingers wrapping around her. "Now?"

"Duke, I need you."

He grinned, pulling her up so she could sink down around him. Her head fell back in bliss, long hair brushing against Duke's thighs as they both sighed.

It was amazing, when he was inside her, nothing at all hurt, not even the bits of her that touched the bed or sheets. She gripped his hands in her own, pushing up to come down again, rolling her hips.

The faces he made as she loved him, these precious, secret looks that only she got to see made her feel overheated and sensitive. She rode him harder, studying his face.

It wasn't just the sex- not with him, not _for_ him- it was the knowledge that she loved him, that she wanted him enough to marry him, that she carried his children inside her. It was the fact that she had fought to bring him back from the dead because she needed him so much. The sex was just an outward expression of that love. Mara saw a tear drip from his eye and she moaned, rocking harder.

She was so close already, too close, and she couldn't control the movement, in the grip of crazed need she pushed down hard, trembling and jerking as she wailed, clenched tight around him.

His arms came up around her, rolling so he was above her, taking control without missing a beat, smoothly driving into her just right so he could draw her orgasm out, one hand moving to caress her face as he watched her. Duke groaned low in his chest , pulling one of her legs higher so he could change the angle.

Mara clutched at him, digging her fingers into his shoulders before one hand wound into his hair. She pulled hard enough to hurt a little and he moaned, driving into her harder, turning his head to kiss her wrist.

"Duke, please. I need you, I need to see you, I need to feel you. Harder, please!"

His smile was brilliant, his loose hair falling into his face as he thrust harder, the movement exquisitely smooth yet jarring at the same time, and his breath sped up, the hushed groans running together until they sounded like music, the slap of skin on skin the drumbeat of the song.

"Mara, I love you. You're so fucking beautiful I can't even- I can't-" His breath stuttered and he was moving harder, his own need taking over, and her mouth opened in a silent scream as she came around him, listening to his loud, unrestrained moans as he thrust erratically, coming for her, deep inside her. It seemed to go on forever, and she cried out as the light started to fade around her, Duke thrusting with one last harsh exhale and a groan.

Her eyes slid shut and she gasped for air as he stayed sheathed inside her, only pulling out when his arms were to shaky to support him, and she curled into his arm, wrapping herself around him in a hug.

She kissed his chest as he pulled her closer. "I love you so much, Duke. That was amazing."

"You're amazing. You're everything I ever wanted, and you're here, you want me- hell, you even fought to get me. It's almost too much for my brain. I don't know what I did to deserve you."

Mara laughed quietly. "Yeah, the guys are lining up around the block for a date with the quasi-immortal non-human who people believe cursed a town for fun, who looks like a science experiment gone horribly wrong. I'm the lucky one. I honestly still can't believe how amazing it is that you love me back. That you loved me even when you thought I was just evil."

Duke's eyes narrowed and he frowned at Mara. "You watch it. You're talking about the woman I love. She never hurt anyone for fun, she's taken every punch the universe threw and punched back every single time. She's beautiful and amazing and she needs to get used to it, because she won't be able to talk like that in front of our kids. Don't want to give them the same self-esteem issues we have. And the unaging thing? That just means I never have to let go. When we talk about forever, we can really mean it.

"I know it's hard for you to see, because of the pain, but your scars are still beautiful. They not only show who you are and how much you've gone through to get here, but the shapes and patterns are really pretty. I've seen people get tattoos that don't look half this pretty. Mara, there's nothing about you that I would change except the pain. I hate that you hurt."

"You're going to make me cry, Duke, and then you'll have a mess of crying, hormonal pregnant woman on your hands. You don't want that."

"I want you however I can get you. But since you mention it, are the babies always this rowdy? Seriously, it feels like they're having a mosh pit against my side."

She chuckled, running her lips along his chest. "They're always active, but sex makes them more active. The release of dopamine and oxytocin- happy chemicals- and the feeling of the uterus spasming makes them happy. But there were so many times since they started moving that I thought there was an octopus in there instead of a baby. I never even considered twins until Audrey said something the first time she felt them, right after I brought her back. Now it seems so obvious." She nestled her head under Duke's chin, hugging him.

"What do you think about houses?"

"Objectively or subjectively? Why do you ask?"

"We're about to have twins. You know I love the _Rouge_ , but I was thinking it would be nice to have a house, land for a yard. Maybe even something with our own dock."

Her eyes slipped closed and her lips began to curl up. "I haven't had a house in so, so long. I love this boat, but yeah, I really like the idea of a house. We can go through my papers, I'll sign the cashiers check over to you when they get your life-status fixed up and we can buy it together. Imagine. Duke and Mara Crocker and their kids, living in their house. Fixing people. It can be like I dreamed of when I came here, but better because you're with me."

Duke kissed her head, speaking against her skin. "I'm gonna give you the world."

"You already have, Duke. We better get dressed. It takes me a few minutes."

Duke groaned. "Oh, Sasquatch is lucky I like him, I'm starting to get into your idea of leaving port."

She smiled and kissed Duke before pushing herself up, stretching. "Come on, Crocker. I have to look through the stuff Dave left me anyway. I'm not going to bother hiding myself. The only people who might stop by are your friends, they'll just have to adjust to how I look."

That made Duke smile. "That's my girl. You've got nothing to hide."

She was digging out clothes and paused. "If you tease me, I swear you will pay. Understood?"

"Why would I tease you?" Duke stood, digging out jeans and an undershirt, pulling on one of Mara's favorite denim button ups. She couldn't look away for a moment, distracted. He was so damn beautiful she could barely breathe.

She pulled out a short grey cotton skirt and a lilac tank, brushing her hair and leaving it long and loose. She was blushing when she turned to face Duke, not meeting his eyes. "Well? How bad is it?"

He walked up slowly, sliding his hands under her shirt to rest on her waist. "If I can't stare at you naked, this is the next best thing. I've never seen you in a skirt, and you look beautiful. That shirt really makes your eyes stand out. Can I ask a question?"

She was smiling shyly, pleased by the compliment. "You can ask anything,"

"How does your eyeliner stay on even through the showers?"

"Because it's not eyeliner. It's Aether. I just let it show there. Silly to waste money on makeup."

"You're amazing. And that ring looks like it was made for you."

Mara paused thoughtfully. "May I try something? If you don't like it, I can take it right off, I promise."

"Sure, whatever you want."

"Hold out your hands, please."

He held them out and she took his left, letting the Aether in him link to her, focusing and directing it. Duke watched in fascination as Aether started to move through the skin on his hand, finally settling into a band of tiny flowers that matched the ones on his arm, the initials 'M.C.' in the center, circling Duke's wedding ring finger.

"Mara... this is beautiful. Did you, I don't know, _draw_ it, like your eyeliner?"

"Yes. I just wanted to have a mark on you, like your ring is for me. The letters are my handwriting."

Duke's smile lit up the room and he kept his arms against the skin under her shirt as he hugged her. Even with the smile, he sounded just a little teary. "This is exactly what I needed. I don't know if dying changed my perspective or what, but I wish we'd have been honest. Loving you, you loving me, it's amazing. You make me feel strong and special. I'm not used to feeling loved, you know? Only by Lucy, in my whole life- but that was you. It's always been you."

Hugging him back with her arms around his neck, she murmured, "Hearing you say that, knowing that you understand, it's everything I ever wanted. I hated seeing you so unhappy, unable to see how much people really do love you. You're important, and not just to me. I hope you finally feel that."

There was a knock at the door and Mara grinned deviously before she let go. "While we're talking to Dwight, just keep in mind- _I can still feel you inside me_. Now, sit and behave. You're supposed to be resting." She let go and went for the door, Duke laughing behind her as he followed and sat on the couch.

Mara opened the door, craning her neck to look up at Dwight. "Bet you never thought you'd hear me say this, but I missed you. Come inside so we have room to greet you guys properly."

She led the way into the living room and Dwight followed, Lizzy behind him. He paused, frozen as he saw Duke, and as Lizzy pulled off her coat, she got her first glimpse of Mara. Her eyes went wide and round, and she flew, suddenly sobbing, into Mara's arms, her jacket falling to the floor, forgotten. The men wore identical expressions of shock, but Lizzy just cried. "Auntie Mara, you're really here! He said, he kept telling me that you'd find a way to make it better and after I was alive again, he said you had to be here, that if magic was happening again that you would be here, but I didn't believe!"

Mara hugged Lizzy tight, and she was so focused on soothing the child that nothing else registered for a minute. But when it did, it hit hard.

 _Lizzy's skin didn't hurt her_.

That was the common denominator, the people whose touch didn't hurt, they'd all spent time in the land of the dead. Alive, they were all as different as they could be, but they hadn't always been alive. Duke, James and Lizzy had all spent actual time being dead. Nathan had died, but he'd been brought back almost immediately.

But Lizzy obviously remembered much more, and that had Mara confused.

"Lizzy, sweetheart, take a breath, I'm right here, we can talk as long as you want to. But who is 'he'? How do you know about me, darling?"

"He was my only friend besides Jenni, all the others moved on so fast. But he told me stories and he could make videos play and he taught me so much. He said being dead was no excuse to stop studying and learning, because one day you'd find a way to bring us back, so we had classes."

Her heart was thudding so hard it was difficult to hear and those stinging, painful goosebumps broke out over her body. Mara sank gracefully to one knee, her hands still on Lizzy's shoulder so she could look up at the girl.

"Lizzy, sweetheart, slow down for a minute and answer me. When you say 'he', who do you mean?"

Lizzy looked at Mara like Mara was being incredibly dense, but her voice was still sweet and her hands clutched onto Mara's bare arms.

"I mean Noble, Auntie. He took care of me."


	14. Death is Not the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a copyright, do-dah, do-dah.

Mara tried to focus on staying upright and breathing, but her body and mind were overloaded, the panting and gasping quickly turned to hyperventilating as she knelt on the floor, her hands leaving Lizzy's shoulders to press against the ground, holding her up. Duke was at her side, one hand sliding under her shirt and the other under her skirt against her bare legs so he could pick her up.

"Dwight, go grab the prescription bottle from next to the bed and a maple water out of the fridge. Hurry." Duke sat on the couch, keeping her in his lap, his long fingers caressing her back under her shirt. Lizzy came to stand against them, her hands on Mara's arm, stroking gently like she was petting a cat.

_'She loved to sing. Songs about cats.'_

Mara had been cruel. She'd just wanted to make them stop calling her Audrey, she just wanted them to say her name and acknowledge her presence, she shouldn't have blamed them for being afraid, for missing the person they loved. It wasn't their fault they couldn't see her underneath. Mara wasn't a person to them, then. She was- what had Nathan called her again? 'A pathetic, evil reminder' of what they'd lost.

She'd even shot Nathan for that. A non-fatal wound, she knew what she was doing, but part of her had stood there, considering shooting him again, fighting her instinct to drop to the ground and hold him, to apologize and fix him and make it better. She hadn't stood there shaking in indecision because Audrey was forcing her not to kill Nathan, she had stood fighting with _herself_ , with the part of her that loved Nathan, the part of her who only cared about making things better.

Noble had been taking care of Lizzy. Had he seen all of Mara's bad decisions? Had he seen her cruelty?

And Lizzy was alive again. Did that mean Noble could live, too? The Aether had turned on him because of Charlotte, the Aether that had loved him wouldn't heal him. But Charlotte's blood, whatever she had put into his body, it had long since decayed and blown away.

Dwight rushed back, sitting next to them on the couch and holding the bottles out. Mara nodded her thanks, shaking out a double dose of the medication and drinking as much as she could hold. Pressing her hands to her eyes, she listened to Duke's breathing, trying to match her own to his. He and Lizzy continued to touch her, trying to comfort her as she got herself under control.

When she finally had herself reasonably calm, she whispered to Dwight. "Thank you. I'm sorry for everything. I was cruel and I had no right. I was angry, but what I said was wrong. Kids are off limits, not part of any fight, and she's beautiful."

"Mara, it's okay. I knew you were just being defensive. But what's going on? How does she know you? Who is she talking about? What _happened_ to you? You look so different. For that matter, how long have you been pregnant? What the hell did I miss?"

Seeing Dwight so baffled amused Mara, and she chuckled quietly as she wrapped one arm around Duke's neck, pulling closer and kneading her fingers into his shoulder over and over. Duke was with her, he was home and everything was going to be fine. With him at her side, Mara could do anything. She could survive anything.

"I was pregnant when my mother sold us on the 'rejoining' story. I didn't know yet. But to make it look like I was mixing into Audrey, Momma dispersed me. Used a type of teleportation not made for living things to tear me apart and send me to her Mexico lab. That's why I look like this, it burned away the living tissue. I used Aether to try and heal myself, but it stopped working after awhile. But that doesn't matter. I can deal with ugly, the pregnancy is safe and healthy, so if that's the price, fine.

"But Lizzy's touch doesn't hurt me. That's the commonality, Duke. People who have been dead, who have been born as ghosts, they don't hurt me, maybe because that part of me that was normal person died, too. Dwight, when I was reconstructed after the dispersal, it used my original genetic code, and this, minus the scarring, is what I looked like before the Barn. The difference between me and Audrey, it's just cosmetic."

She pressed a hand to her belly, finally just lifting her shirt to rest on top, leaving her belly bared so Lizzy could touch as much as she wanted but the cloth wouldn't hurt Mara.

She took a slow, deep breath, holding one of Lizzy's hands as Lizzy traced her other fingers over the raised scars on her belly, finding her own patterns in them and feeling as the babies played.

"Dwight, Noble is my son. I ran away from home when my mother arranged, illegally and against my will, to get me pregnant to further her research. He was born here in Haven. When he was four, she found us, and while William wasn't here to protect us, she hurt him, and the things she did ended up killing him. But Duke has a power, Dwight. He helped bring Lizzy back, Aether loves him and while I haven't tested yet, I'd bet everything I own that he can both give and remove Troubles. It's what I wanted when I first started the 'Crocker Curse', someone who could do what I couldn't- remove Troubles from a person safely."

Duke leaned in a little, looking excited, and asked, "Will you tell us what your life was like, then? I always wanted to know. Was it like in the 'Medieval Times' tourist traps?"

Mara snickered. "Those places always have British accents. Like other countries didn't have anything going on. But here, no. This was no dirty, overpopulated city full of hovels. This was Haven. We all had some land, we all had small houses like mine. We were good neighbors and we helped each other, bartered with each other so we were all taken care of.

"Me, being unmarried, a mother- Most places would have just labeled me and shunned me. Not here. A couple of the worse women, they tried to organize people against me, but they were always laughed at and they eventually gave up."

She shook her head, smiling at some imagined picture. "You would have despised the plumbing situations, though. Outhouses are awful. Dark and gross and there were _always insects._ I cheated in my own house. I had a small amount of technology I could use from home, so I damn well had a toilet.

"I would get up before dawn to start the fire and get water boiling, set a small pot to make hot cereal. Feed and milk the animals, collect the eggs and put them in the cool chest that I had also taken from home that lived down in the root cellar. By that time I would get Noble up and set him down with his cereal. I'd straighten the house while he ate, and then had to clean _him_ off after."

She chuckled, wiping her eyes.

"Noble would help me check the garden, pick anything ripe. Same with the fruit trees and bushes. After we took care of the daily stuff, if I had any orders- and I usually did- we'd go through the medicine garden to pick the plants to make whatever medicine got ordered. While we worked, we did lessons. He could name all the plants and say what they did, we'd talk about biology or history or science.

"I'd work on making the medicines that had been ordered and he got to handle the mortar and pestle. He was always ready to hand me the next bottle. Then, in the afternoon we would make deliveries and house calls so I could make my lists for the next day. Noble would eat a sack lunch that I carried in my satchel but I always made him supper at home."

They both looked fascinated, but Dwight's eyes kept darting to Lizzy, her hand pressed against Mara's skin, playing with the babies.

"How old were you, Mara?"

"When I came here? There's no exact conversion. I mean, you knew my mother, and she was over 3,500. But for sake of comparison, I was about twelve when I came here and Noble was born. Maybe sixteen, almost seventeen when he died."

Dwight's voice took that note of indignant outrage. "That's Lizzy's age!"

"Yeah, it is. I was smaller, though. When I showed Duke what I looked like then, he thought I was eight. But I was strong. Even before William came to stay with me, I was getting by. Had my house and gardens, had more patients than I knew what to do with. But William loved me and he so badly wanted to protect me. Probably why he was so desperate when he met Audrey.

"He didn't know she was any different than the other personalities, and he just wanted me to be free. He thought that messing with the Harker Trouble would drag me up since I never let anyone get hurt. Audrey using the Aether on Duke was what started giving me a slit to get through, but it wasn't enough and everyone was so panicked and I didn't have time to get enough of a hold to fix it before it was too late. If I had tried to speak up then... I just shut up and tried waiting for an opening."

Mara's head was spinning. There was so much happening, she'd finally gotten Audrey and Duke back, they were having twins, and now Lizzy was saying that her little boy was where she had been- almost within reach.

She looked seriously at Lizzy, squeezing her hand. "Beautiful girl, can you still talk to Noble?"

Lizzy glanced and Dwight and blushed. "Yes. I can see spirits. It's not like Mommy said though, I'm not a freak. I don't mean to be different and I tried to hide it like Mommy told me, I swear. But the lady knew about me and she tricked me, she told me Daddy was out there where the noise was."

She looked so sad and ashamed, and Mara was angry, furious that a mother would treat her child that way- much like her own mother had- just because she was _special_.

Lizzy continued on before anyone could comfort her, as strong as her father. "But Noble told me that having a gift is a good thing, and that I wasn't at fault, that Mommy was just jealous because of her in... in _adequacies_. That's the word he used. Yes, I can still talk to him. Am I in trouble?"

Mara hugged Lizzy with the arm that wasn't around Duke, pressing her face into the girl's hair.

"I promise you're not in trouble. Your Daddy understands special and he would never, never love you less just because you're special."

Dwight spoke up, face pale but lips tight with anger. "Of course you're not in trouble. You haven't done anything wrong. I love you just the way you are. I wish you had told me what your mom was saying to you, baby. I would have fixed it sooner. But you're safe here, nobody will judge you."

"Lizzy, we have lots to talk about, but nobody here is upset with you. You being able to talk to Noble can help us." Her brain was spinning, about 12 steps ahead of everything around her.

"Duke, I hate putting you on the spot and you can say no, you can always say no, but if I have a way to do it... if _you_ have a way, technically, it's your ability, will you help me bring my son back? Her blood is gone, the Aether should bind to him again. Hell, maybe I can replace Constantine in Noble's body with your DNA. You brought Lizzy back. It's your gift. Will you help me bring Noble home?"

Duke shook his head in disbelief, tears in his eyes. "It wasn't me, Mara, I'm not- gifted or whatever you call it. I just knew she was there. Dwight's belief is what kept her alive."

Mara snorted. "She's not a fairy, Duke. This isn't Tinkerbell. Belief is great, but you're wrong. You're gifted, you can do what I can't- bring people back. I can make bodies with Aether, I managed to lock you into yours, but I was still piggybacking on _your_ ability. I know you don't like to praise yourself, baby, but this is you. But it's a big thing I'm asking you. Taking on another child, sharing your own DNA to make him stronger and give him a father he could be proud of. What I'm asking you isn't small or simple. I will understand if you don't feel okay with it."

She meant it- as much as she could. Logically, she knew what a huge thing she was asking Duke, and he had every right to choose not to use his powers this way.

The mother in her, though- she wasn't as reasonable, and if there was even the slightest chance she could bring her lost son back, she was certain she would do absolutely anything to make that happen.

Her fingers kneaded his shoulder and her other hand held Lizzy's. "Take a few minutes. I'm sorry, I'm being rude. Dwight came to see you, Duke." Mara stood up quickly. "Can I get you guys a drink or something? I can make coffee if you like."

Duke grabbed her hand and stopped her, staring at her seriously. "Mara, if it's something I can do, if you can help me do it? Of course I will. It's not even something you need to ask. I'm with you. Just figure out what we have to do, and I'm in. Yours for life, remember?"

She had to bite her tongue, breathing slowly, but she bent over to hug him, wiping her eyes on his shoulder. "Thank you, Duke. I swear you won't be sorry." She straightened up and cleared her throat. So, drinks?"

"Water is fine for me, Mara. Thank you. Lizzy, if you want something, it's okay."

She looked up shyly. "Do you have juice?"

"We do have juice. And tea and maple water. Would you like juice?"

"Yes, please."

Mara poured her a cup, bringing bottles of water to Dwight and Duke, sitting on the couch next to Duke, leaving room for Lizzy next to her. She only half-listened as Duke described everything Dwight had missed, from his time on the beach through dinner, stopping to show off her ring and his tattoo.

Wow. They were going to get married- once she was real on paper, at least- and Mara would have a last name again. She'd stopped using 'Cross' centuries ago, preferring to have no surname at all than to share a moniker with the monster who had raised her. It would take time to get herself legal on paper, but in the end, she'd be his.

It was like having a fairy godmother.

Lizzy whispered to Mara as the boys talked. "Daddy says the Troubles are gone now, but Noble says that's not true. Do you know?"

"Oh, Lizzy. I understand you being afraid, and I guess I have to talk to your daddy about this too. But Noble is right. They aren't gone."

She gave the men a moment to finish a sentence before she interrupted. "Dwight, we need to talk about some things, okay?" She felt Lizzy's hand join her own on her belly, and Lizzy's delighted exclamations as she felt the babies jumping around inside her.

Mara closed her eyes and sighed, rubbing her belly. "Okay, Lizzy just reminded me that I have to talk to you about something. The Troubles."

"What, are you wondering how I'm going to keep busy without Trouble calls?" Dwight's smile was bright and happy, and once again, Mara had the feeling of kicking a puppy.

"The Troubles, Dwight, they aren't cured and they haven't disappeared. They've gone temporarily dormant. The Aether you saw leaving people, that was only the bit that would have been affected by the pulse beacon Charlotte installed that would have let the Barn kill all the Troubled people in the world. Obviously she never knew how to actually remove a Trouble."

Dwight went pale, his eyes moving to Lizzy over and over. "But I don't understand. Duke- he died. Audrey went into the Barn. Why wouldn't that get rid of the Troubles?"

"Dwight, they never had a way to get rid of the Troubles. I'm still baffled why anyone let another Barn be built- it's not like you guys didn't know what it was for by then. But I can cure Troubles as long as Duke is with me. One by one. And Lizzy, she already paid so much, and it was because of my mother, Dwight. I can make her immune when I remove your Trouble, if you want. It would affect some other things, so we should discuss it."

For the first time that she'd ever seen, Dwight looked like he was going to cry, and Mara desperately wanted to comfort him. She squeezed Lizzy's hand and stood, coming to kneel at Dwight's feet, her hands on his legs, just above the knee.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you or upset you. I've hurt you enough."

Dwight cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy when he spoke. "So, in 27 years, the Troubles will come back?"

"I don't know how long it will be. Howard was patient and good, he was just doing his job, following orders. He didn't want to be involved at all, but he did want to protect me as much as possible.

"Vince is not like Howard. Vince is very enamored with the idea of power and notoriety. He wants to be talked about, he wants people to be in awe of him. He's not going to have the patience for a 27 year cycle. So I don't know when, just that it will happen. But Dwight, if we work quickly and efficiently, we can remove Troubles from everyone, give gifts to the people who want them. We can fix it so that by the time they come back, there's nothing left for them to do."

Dwight took her hands in his own, clutching them and staring into her eyes. "How, Mara? How do we fix the Troubles? How would you make Lizzy immune?"

"Duke is the only one with the ability to remove a Trouble- really just Aether- from a person. Then he can give it back to me so I can clean it, deprogram it and make it dormant again. He doesn't have to kill anyone to do it. Just a few drops of blood, that's all it takes. Duke, will you show him?"

Duke came over, placed a small slice in Dwight's hand and let the blood flow onto his own palm before a black tear floated to Mara. She caught it, and held out her arm- they could see the black travelling up her veins to her heart. Hidden inside her, the Aether purified and after a moment she held a perfect orb up for Dwight to inspect.

"Is that- I mean, is that it, or do you have to do it to everyone in the family?"

Mara put the orb into a pouch on the table, resting her hands back on Dwight's knees. "No, the Trouble is gone from your entire bloodline. Only had to Trouble one to get them all, only have to cure one to cure the rest. You're all safe."

"What about making Lizzy immune? You can protect her from other people's Troubles?"

Mara frowned, nodding. "Normally, I probably wouldn't even suggest it, but honestly I'm really angry about your ex, about what she did to Lizzy. She's special and she should be cherished for that, not insulted and punished. Yes, I can make her immune, but it would require altering her maternal DNA. Taking your ex's genes out and replacing them with the DNA of a woman who's already immune. Biologically, it would be giving her a different mother. But hear me out, please.

"I won't push either way, but it would prevent any possible custody fights in the future if your ex discovers that she's alive. You'd be able to do any DNA test and she'd come up not matching, I wouldn't interfere, you know I wouldn't. You don't even have to tell her if you don't want to. I know what the stories say, but I swear, I never, ever did anything that wasn't requested. I was just a healer, Dwight. I was a kid when I came here, just Lizzy's age. _I am not what they say._ "

"Would she be able to do what you do?"

"Possibly, with training. Since she's already able to see spirits, it sounds like she's a bit like I was- predisposed to the abilities. The alteration will make her current abilities stronger, and if she ends up able to use Aether, or any ability, really, I will train her. She's special, she should be celebrated for that."

Dwight stared at her eyes, her scarred skin, and his shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry, Mara. I'm sorry for not trying to talk to you. If you can help make Lizzy immune, yes. Please help us."

Mara smiled brilliantly, reaching out to touch her hand to Dwight's cheek. His skin was surprisingly warm under her cool fingers. She stood, stretching as one of the babies shoved a foot out, making her grunt.

Dwight reached out as if to steady her, concerned. "Are you okay? Dizzy?"

"Oh no, I'm fine. Just- here." She took his offered hand, pressing it to the offending limb that was distorting the shape of her belly. At the touch, the foot retreated and kicked out again, harder.

"Holy shit! That's a strong baby. Does it hurt?"

"Not really. It can be a little uncomfortable, but it only hurts when they kick my ribs. That hurts. But you know, I've gotten to appreciate certain types of pain. The kind that passes, the kind that has a purpose behind it, I'm good with that."

Mara kissed Duke's head on the way past, stopping at Lizzy. "Do you mind if I make you immune to the Troubles, like I am? That way even when they do come back, they won't be able to hurt you. It will probably make you better at hearing the spirits, and it might make it so you can do other things I do, like using Aether and affecting weather. I'll teach you how to use whatever happens. You're not a freak. You're amazing, and I'll help you learn how amazing you are."

Lizzy smiled happily, hugging Mara and laughing as the babies bounced around inside her. "Oh my gosh! How come you didn't say there were two?"

"Because it hadn't come up yet. How could you tell? Did you see or hear?"

"When they touched, I could see for just a second."

"I told you you were special. When we're done, I can show you what they look like, if you want to see. Give you a little demonstration of what the Aether can do."

Taking Mara's hand, Lizzy nodded. "I'd like that a lot. You can make it so I can help protect Daddy."

"That's true. You don't always have to be great big or super strong to make a difference. I'm just going to sit on the couch and I want you to sit with me, okay? This won't hurt, but you may feel strange. Just relax."

Mara stretched her shoulders and rolled her neck, pulling out two orbs. Two small, unassuming orbs that in this case would change the life of a young girl.

Orbs that could remind Mara why she had started doing this in the first place, what made her imprisonment worthwhile.

She slid onto her knees so she could view Lizzy face-to-face and crushed the orbs, holding up her blackened hands for Lizzy to see. "Give me your hands, please."

Mara held her hands out and Lizzy didn't hesitate, resting her own hands against the black. Mara held them gently, pushing the Aether in, seeking out the maternal DNA, the genes of the woman who hadn't had the sense to appreciate the gift she'd been given. So many parents didn't appreciate their children until it was too late, when those children were gone.

Mara had never been one of them. She had cherished every single moment of motherhood, even the ones that had made her tear at her hair in frustration.

As the chromosomes were replaced, there were stray beams of light, and Lizzy's eyes took on a distinctly violet hue. The Aether began rushing, excited as it changed Lizzy, making itself a new friend, and Lizzy started to giggle, wiggling like it was tickling her. There was no discernible change in any single feature, but somehow Lizzy looked even more beautiful than she had before.

The image of the Maze appeared in the middle of the room, flashing rapidly, the four little people glowing steadily, red as the border of her handprints. There was a single great thunderclap, then dead silence as everything became completely normal.

Dwight and Duke were wide-eyed, half-standing and ready to do _something_ though they weren't sure what they could even do. They were men of action, they always rushed in, no matter the danger. But nothing was out of place, there was no noise and Mara just stared, amused, where she knelt before Lizzy, still holding her hands.

Duke put one finger up, somewhere between pointing and asking for a moment of silence. "Yeah, everyone else did see that, right?" He sat back down as he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Dwight didn't look much better, hovering protectively over Lizzy. He put his had on her hair, but she just smiled at him, still giggling a bit.

"It was normal energy discharge from the matter manipulation, mostly. Somehow that symbol has always been particular to me. I've seen a few other users who deal with Aether and everyone appears to have different symbols. We call them sigils and Maze is mine. It was just recognizing the new changes in Lizzy and making note for the future. It recognizes her now."

There were no words for what he wanted to convey, the hope and faith and trust, the pure love he was overfull of, so Dwight just nodded, squeezing her shoulder and Lizzy's.

"We'll fix it, Dwight. We'll fix everyone before they even come back and there will be no use for them. This cycle is ending, not just starting over with new people."

"Thank you, Mara. For telling me and for helping Lizzy. I do want her to know about you and what you told me, that's something to be proud of. Speaking of which, do you guys have what you need for when the babies come? How much longer do you have?"

"I'm technically full term, but that's for my species so I don't have any idea, really. Twelve seconds or twelve weeks."

He looked so, so excited and he hugged her, lifting her off her feet.

The strangest thing was, that should have been torture. But while it hurt everywhere, it was manageable. Nothing like the unending pain of taking a shower.

Duke had jumped forward immediately though, urgently pulling on Dwight, his hand touching Mara's skin. "Dwight, the pain, let go." Duke urged Dwight, once he had Dwight's attention. He put her down immediately, as gently as possible and stepped back, holding his hands as if to show he was unarmed. A silly gesture anyway, because she could still clearly see his belt holster and the gun tucked inside.

Mara just chuckled, surprised and curious. She'd had time to get used to the idea of having a kid and she was still shocked and thrilled that at least Duke and James had been able touch her without hurting. This was new though. Had she started healing again? Was the change in her or was she just reacting to the people around her?

"Duke, calm down. I'm okay. I'm not saying the pain is gone, but it's not... not like it usually is. Not intolerable." She thought about it. Several people had touched her recently, she'd even pulled Nathan's head to rest on her and she'd gotten hugged or touched a few times. Even that first hug from Nathan- it had been painful, had been almost too much, but she'd been okay.

People who had been dead didn't hurt her at all. Living people who were touching to be kind or loving hurt much less than inanimate objects.

What the hell did that mean?

"You're sure you're okay?" Duke looked anxious, his fingers running over her skin as he stared into her eyes.

"I'm okay. It was nice. The pain was no more than the clothes themselves, really. I have no idea why, but I'm grateful. Come on," she stretched, cracking her back, "we're getting off track. We were making a bet. So, we set the terms. But I think I forgot what the bet's about. Don't even make fun of me, pregnancy brain is a real thing."

Duke just smiled, but Dwight did laugh. "She's right, it used to happened to Lizzy's mom all the time."

"I think you were trying to bet that I could use Aether."

Mara clapped her hands together, pointing at Duke. "Yes! Thank you. I bet you can _use_ Aether, not just remove it. If I'm wrong, you win everything."

"I wouldn't want to win everything you owned. That wouldn't seem fair."

Mara could hear his careful words, that he knew she was technically poor, that she didn't have any money. He had no idea how much she was worth and had forgotten their brief discussion about the cashiers check she had hidden in his safe. She still hadn't gone through any of the dozens of official-looking papers from the chest either.

"Well, okay, I'll bet everything I own, every single item that I own if I lose, plus whatever else I find in the papers they left me. It's like pirate treasure, Duke. Or like- what was your favorite game show back in the Lucy time? 'Let's Make a Deal'? Where you could choose between doors and one would have something amazing like new cars and other doors would have perhaps a donkey and a huge pile of manure. Anything could be in there. Besides, you have nothing to lose. All yours, remember?" She waved her ring under has nose and he caught her hand, grinning.

"When did you have a chance to get a ring anyway, Duke? It's so perfect." Dwight leaned closer to look.

Duke's smile was proud, and it just kept growing. "I bought this ring years ago, I wasn't even with anyone, but I had to have it. When Mara said yes, I knew it was hers. And it even fit her. She's going to marry me. And we're having twins. A boy and a girl."

The naked pride in his voice made Mara smile and she squeezed his hand. "You still have no idea what you're getting yourself into. But the bet, finish the bet. If I lose, you get all my stuff."

"Fine, but what if you win?"

She thought about it. What did she want that she wouldn't just talk to him about? It would be enough if he could use Aether. That all by itself could be a huge gift.

But the point of a bet was making the other guy lose, so she had to think of _something_ she wanted.

"Other than you helping bring Noble back? I want to stay home with the kids. I can still do healing or herbalism work, they'd just be with me. I can't stomach the idea of being a cop or an office drone. And if I'd be taking care of them anyway, depending on where we get a house I would like to have some farm animals. I want to do some of the things from my time. I want to teach them myself."

"Alright, deal. So how do we find out if I can use Aether?"

"Simple. Activate it and use it on me. If you can activate it, you can use it. Either I'm low and it tops up my levels or I return it to dormancy. You ready to try it?"

Duke shrugged. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Mara didn't bother with detailed instructions- she just wanted to prove he could activate the orb- so she sat back, waiting. "Just crush it, if it turns your hand black, touch me. We'll know if it works."

The look on Duke's face- Mara remembered that look. It was the exact expression he'd had on his face as he cut his hand, tearing Mara in two to give Audrey her own body. He was hyper-fixated.

Still staring, he crushed the orb and her heart began to sprint as she saw the Aether spread out, clinging lovingly to his skin.

 _Duke could use Aether_.

She was so giddy she wasn't even paying attention as he pressed his hand to the top of her chest, above her tank top. She wasn't paying attention to anything at all. Then Duke's eyes glowed silver, and her body jerked, the air leaving her in a rush as she fell to the floor, back arching and her mouth opening silently as bright light flooded from her mouth and eyes. Her hands scratched at the floor, waiting to get her body back under control.

Perhaps she blacked out, but when Mara could breath again, Duke and Dwight were each on one side of her, holding her hands, and Lizzy was touching her belly. The men wore identical masks of fear but Lizzy looked composed, totally unswayed by the madness.

"Duke?"

"Oh shit, Mara, what happened? What did I do? I did what you told me to, what the hell happened?"

She was exhausted, thirsty and absolutely starving, but she wasn't injured. She pulled on the men's hands to sit herself up, her eyebrows furrowing as she struggled to get into a decent position. Everything felt slightly off, and she didn't relax until she got to her knees and leaned against the couch, letting her belly hang down and take some of the strain off her pelvis.

Lizzy looked very serious, a complete mini-Mara. "You were thinking about other things when you crushed the orb. You bound Intent to it."

"What Intent? I didn't have any Intent! I was just testing Mara's theory to settle the bet!" Duke was flustered, talking too fast as his voice went up in pitch.

Lizzy shook her head. "That's not true. You were thinking about Noble, about bringing him back and making him yours to make Mara happy. You were thinking about her smile."

"But- that was just thinking, that wasn't intention. We haven't even talked about how to _do_ that yet!"

Lizzy nodded at Mara where she leaned against the sofa. "Well, I guess you didn't tell your mind that, 'cause you already did it."


End file.
